Toilet Talk

We are all different when it comes to being open and honest but I’m afraid that I just think somethings are best not spoken about. I think I’d like to be like the Queen – nothing in my handbag, never break wind and definitely never go to the toilet, delusions of grandeur? not at all. More like just plain old fashioned shy, oh there is one exception and that’s talking to my mom, gotta love moms hey.
So I’ve been constipated all my life, not sit and strain just never going really. Weeks would go by and nothing would ever happen particularly if on holiday. My mom is the same and after dragging me to the Doctors as I child eventually one Doctor said that it was my normal and mom and I were happy with that.
Now I stayed happy with that until Harry came along and sadly I can hide no more 🙁
Early A&E investigations and diagnosis were not helped by me lying to the Doctors because Steve was with me and I when asked about bowel movements I just lied, I can’t talk poo in front of Steve!
The truth is that the month before the pain started I had the runs, now me going everyday was very very odd indeed and I remember thinking ‘that’s not right’ but I didn’t know what was going on.
When given the Movie Prep prior to the colonoscopy I remember saying I hope that’s strong stuff cos I need a rocket not laxatives, the nurse just laughed and said that it would work just fine (she obviously had had Movie Prep).
I also remember talking bowel movements with a nurse prior to surgery and me telling her of my life long problems and she again just laughed and said “well you won’t have that problem anymore after surgery” I had no idea what was ahead of me.
So after surgery where am I now? well I like to call it the one minute warning, cos that’s all you get 🙁 you can’t hold it or put it off until later. Solid is a distant memory and anything from one to six times a day is the norm.
I am lucky that I don’t have a bag as within ward 12 out of the 5 of us having bowel surgery there was only Karen and I who didn’t have a bag. I did feel sorry for the one lady with a bag and who was also going to the toilet normally too, poor thing.
It comes to a low part of your life when the first thing you think about when your asked to go anywhere is ‘where is the nearest loo’ your main focus is where is it? is it clean? is there loo roll and can I get to it within one minute?
So as time has gone by for Steve and I with recovery I have been forced to face my demons on talking toilets, it’s not been easy as I think my hubby thought I was like the queen and just never went LOL.
It’s a journey that I’m having to learn to live with and it’s hard however I do now think that I wasn’t good enough for my best mate who had to have a bag following surgery, I wasn’t there to really listen and understand her fears. Like all things in life we hear peoples problems and we try empathised but until it really effects yourself you have no real concept of anyone else’s suffering. I am however grateful to her for understanding my toilet fears now and the handy tips she has given me on sore bums, oh the conversations we have had LOL with a vodka in hand.
It’s been hard writing this as it’s my taboo subject so not much detail here but if I can give any advice at all it would be that if you are shy just dig deep and be brave, don’t lie to doctors or try to hide as like the Queen we are all human after all.

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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

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