So you may have guessed that the majority of yesterday’s post was written prior to the appointment. This was so that if it was a difficult meeting I could, as promised just give you the general outcome and details and then fill you in with more details today.
Whilst waiting to go into see Dr Weaver we saw uniformed officers leading away a handcuffed inmate out of the department. An odd thing to see but prisoners I guess get cancer too and have to be treated. During the meeting as I signed the consent form for the new treatment (you have to do this in case they kill you) I used Dr Weaver’s pen. As I signed away I dropped his pen on the floor which caused him to laugh as I said ‘sorry but at least it isn’t a Mont Blanc pen’ but of course it was a Mont Blanc pen as he charges £240 for 40 minutes of his time privately, so why was I not surprised.
We had to wait half an hour for the drugs at the pharmacy and then got stuck in the car park as the car in front of us was having a problem getting out. I sent texts home to say we were on our way as I knew they would be anxious. Finally home and everyone together I gave them the basic details of the meeting. Mom was pleased that it was still not in my vital organs, Rebecca was struggling to understand the details and Richard after about 20 minutes was just angry. This prompted us to have an argument which I won’t go into but it’s just that anger plays such a big part of people’s emotions. Anger, frustration and just the feeling of being completely helpless. After I had cried after the argument with Richard, he said are you putting that in your blog, to which I said no but it needs to be mentioned as this is about helping others and it being real ‘warts and all’ so no details but I’m not perfect, my family aren’t perfect and life isn’t perfect so I decided it had to go in today’s post. Anyway Richard doesn’t read my blog so he will never know.
After final packing was complete for our holiday Steve and I decide to sleep in the chemo gazebo again under the stars, why? Cos we can, cos life is too short, cos it’s special and it’s not a normal day is it? I’ve been really good and taken painkillers but the pain is so hard to bear as I get into our bed under the stars. I nearly reach for the morphine but with a hot water bottle I manage to cope and sleep until 4.30, I go back to sleep for an hour and wake at 5.30. Normal routine of 1/2 biscuit, coffee and a fag. I’m excited that we are going away and I just have to wait for everyone to wake up. I read the side effects of the new treatment I am going to be put on. So apart from fatigue, hair loss and diarrhea the other side effects of chemo throat, extreme reaction to cold, lock jaw, no taste and tingling of fingers and feet etc are not mentioned so I’m hoping it will be easier. On the hair loss front it states only head hair will be lost so I won’t even get a break from shaving other lady areas!
Everyone wakes and we eventually load up all 3 cars and head off to our 5 day break. The M4 wasn’t too bad and we stopped for a quick coffee. I needed the break as although I had again taken painkillers before we set off the pain is always there. I know that it won’t be long before I have to take stronger ones but with those you can’t drive and there is no way I am missing these next 5 days. We hit the M5 and it’s like being on the M25 and we crawl slowly towards junction 24 where home will be for the next 5 days.
We finally arrive and the house is amazing, it overlooks a lake, it’s a new build, very posh as the interior is like a show home. It has 3 loo’s and it’s just perfect. The main bedroom has a Juliette balcony which won’t open and after about an hour, a ladder and drilling the lock out we even get this working 🙂 now it’s perfect.
So how am I feeling I hear you saying. I am frustrated that I have taken and put up with 4 cycles of chemo which hasn’t worked at all. I am worried that I’m going onto another treatment which will mean I may lose my hair and that if that doesn’t work I will have lost my hair for nothing, that will make me angry. I don’t have any choice, I have no control over this shit so I just have to get on with it. I’m worried that the 18 -24 months clock started ticking from February and so this time next year what will life be like I wonder? Time has become very precious and I worry for my loved ones, my kids, mom and Steve. I worry about coping with new treatment which involves carrying around a bag of chemicals around with me for 2 days. But today I am okay, I can taste things and I’m sat writing my blog whilst Richard and Steve listen to Rock & Roll football as Villa are playing. My view is of a lake, swans and ducks glide past, the birds are singing and Molly is happy so it’s a good day. After the football the plan is to hit the beach so I’ll sign off for now and catch you all tomorrow.
Book update, iBooks rejected it but errors corrected and it should be available soon. I’ll post when it’s ready for you to download. The Dropbox used so that you could download the box from the blog was temporarily suspended due to usage demand but the block has been lifted so that should work again now. The video has had over 4000 views between Facebook and YouTube and twice this week the blog has had over 1000 views in a day which is something I never thought I’d achieve so the message is getting out there and if we can prevent one other family from going through this shit then we have won hey.
Thanks for all your support, for caring and your messages. You are a constant source of strength for me and my family.
Nearly forgot, prayer demands for tomorrow for Rita are Karen, Frankie. For my loved ones again to give them love and strength to cope, for all families coping with any form of illness and for the medical teams that have to support people during their illnesses, cheers Rita