It’s 2.44 when I look at my Iphone. I’m ready and Steve has just got cover from a colleague on his job, so here we go again. Back to the hospital, the appointment is scheduled for 3 pm. Now we have no idea if we are actually going to meet the real Dr Weaver or his registrar. We don’t know if the results from the biopsy taken on Monday will also be in either. So it could either be how are you doing, nothing more than that or I could be another, oh no! meetings. I hadn’t even got a typed list of questions prepared as I had no idea what we would find out.
We self checked in! They have this system everywhere now, where you do the receptionists job for them. There was a massive queue for the receptionist and two self check in machines not being used. Steve tried to show them the way forward, to embrace modern technology but it was lost on them. We fast tracked, went as instructed to bay 1, placed our letter in the pouch on the wall (cos we now know the drill) and waited. There was another man and his wife there. He was filling out forms and a nurse kept flitting backwards and forwards with more forms. Just before we were called in they stood up to go, the woman was trying very hard not to cry, the nurse hugged her and the man, who obviously had cancer just collected his things and left them to it.
“Wendy Guy” I heard, and there he was, Dr Weaver. Now Mr Mullerat had told me this man was going to be the next one to look after me months ago. On our first visit we didn’t see him but his registrar and he is hard to pin down unless you go private and give him £240 for 40 minutes of his time. We went in, and I noticed that there was no cancer nurse Kim so I’m assuming that it’s just a routine appointment. My file is closed but on his desk and by now it’s quiet large.
We discussed how I had coped with the chemo and what side effects I had gone through. I was able to ask some of the questions for Karen. 1 – if they lower the dose because the side effects are too bad then does that lower the success rate? “no not at all” he said as it was more important that you get through the whole treatment. 2 – If you can’t complete a cycle because you are too ill, does that also lower the success rate? again he assured me that it wouldn’t. Excellent I thought, as at least I can stop worrying about Karen. He did say that because I had suffered with the chemo going into my arm that I could have a thing put into my arm that stays in for the duration of the treatment (this is what Karen is going to have, as she says her veins are shagged) I don’t want something permanently in my arm, after 4/5 days the pain starts to go and I just don’t like the thought of having a permanent reminder there, however this may mean I get a plaster lol, so I agree to think about it.
We when have to discuss poo! again. On this and through the meeting I managed to make him giggle and smile, I’m good at that! I said “for pity’s sake do I have to talk about poo again in front of my husband” Steve bless him offered to leave the room but I said it was okay and covered his ears with my hands. I said that chemo had just made me into a normal person really who only goes once a day now rather than 4-6 times. I forgot to mention I had trouble getting out the house yesterday as I went 4 times in the morning but I was okay once I was at work. Dr Weaver said that I needed laxatives and gave me a prescription. I also found out another perk which is if you have cancer you don’t pay for medicines, fabulous. Free drugs, reduced parking charges oh and fast track at the pathology department, oh the joys of life.
I then asked the question, were my results in? Without moving or touching my file he said yes they were and I had bowel cancer in my lymph nodes. The ones in my neck and we are assuming the others that were inflamed in my gut from the CT scan. Dr Weaver explained that he wasn’t going to operate, excellent. That he would not expect them to be killed off after just one round of chemo. That after cycle number 4 I would have another CT scan and then if they are still there then he will change my chemo. I said great, “you do know CT scans cause cancer?” he just laughed and said “that yes that was a risk only for people who didn’t actually have cancer” I tried to then ask and what if that doesn’t work etc looking longer term but he just wanted to take one step at a time.
He was a lovely man Dr Weaver so I told him that he was missing a trick and should slip in some happy drugs with the chemo so people would love it. He agreed but then as Steve says we would then have hordes of people addicted to chemo. The meeting ended with another appointment to be booked for July and a prescription . As we were leaving Dr Weaver said “look if anything serious happens just call us”. To which I replied “what like getting cancer” and he laughed again and I was heading home to break my moms heart again.
I told Rebecca and mom, Rebecca said okay, went upstairs and then went into town. Mom and I sowed the grass seeds purchased earlier and Steve went back to work. Seeds sowed and a hug from mom, I knew I had to tell everyone. The last person I texted was Richard, I typed the following message, try to add humour to make him laugh.
‘Results in, I have bowel cancer in the lymph nodes in my neck and don’t even think about calling me shit head lol’
and so it went on with the information I’ve already told you about. I then just hit copy and paste to the people who knew about today. Anne from HR, who is actually called Amanda and has said that it’s okay for me to use her real name, was the first to reply. Out of the texts I get back of love and support (thank you all) I also get a text from the HR Director, now I’m in pieces and try to type a response through the tears. The support I have received from work has just been amazing and it really does overwhelm me, so I can make everyone laugh, hold it together for my loved ones but one text from work and that’s it game over, what a soppy mare I am.
Well that’s it then, warts and all. We are now back to more CT scans, waiting and of course hope. Hope that Harry will one day just piss off and leave me alone or that he at least doesn’t get into any vital organs and the chemo actually works.