It’s 2.44 when I look at my Iphone. I’m ready and Steve has just got cover from a colleague on his job, so here we go again. Back to the hospital, the appointment is scheduled for 3 pm. Now we have no idea if we are actually going to meet the real Dr Weaver or his registrar. We don’t know if the results from the biopsy taken on Monday will also be in either. So it could either be how are you doing, nothing more than that or I could be another, oh no! meetings. I hadn’t even got a typed list of questions prepared as I had no idea what we would find out.
We self checked in! They have this system everywhere now, where you do the receptionists job for them. There was a massive queue for the receptionist and two self check in machines not being used. Steve tried to show them the way forward, to embrace modern technology but it was lost on them. We fast tracked, went as instructed to bay 1, placed our letter in the pouch on the wall (cos we now know the drill) and waited. There was another man and his wife there. He was filling out forms and a nurse kept flitting backwards and forwards with more forms. Just before we were called in they stood up to go, the woman was trying very hard not to cry, the nurse hugged her and the man, who obviously had cancer just collected his things and left them to it.
“Wendy Guy” I heard, and there he was, Dr Weaver. Now Mr Mullerat had told me this man was going to be the next one to look after me months ago. On our first visit we didn’t see him but his registrar and he is hard to pin down unless you go private and give him £240 for 40 minutes of his time. We went in, and I noticed that there was no cancer nurse Kim so I’m assuming that it’s just a routine appointment. My file is closed but on his desk and by now it’s quiet large.
We discussed how I had coped with the chemo and what side effects I had gone through. I was able to ask some of the questions for Karen. 1 – if they lower the dose because the side effects are too bad then does that lower the success rate? “no not at all” he said as it was more important that you get through the whole treatment. 2 – If you can’t complete a cycle because you are too ill, does that also lower the success rate? again he assured me that it wouldn’t. Excellent I thought, as at least I can stop worrying about Karen. He did say that because I had suffered with the chemo going into my arm that I could have a thing put into my arm that stays in for the duration of the treatment (this is what Karen is going to have, as she says her veins are shagged) I don’t want something permanently in my arm, after 4/5 days the pain starts to go and I just don’t like the thought of having a permanent reminder there, however this may mean I get a plaster lol, so I agree to think about it.
We when have to discuss poo! again. On this and through the meeting I managed to make him giggle and smile, I’m good at that! I said “for pity’s sake do I have to talk about poo again in front of my husband” Steve bless him offered to leave the room but I said it was okay and covered his ears with my hands. I said that chemo had just made me into a normal person really who only goes once a day now rather than 4-6 times. I forgot to mention I had trouble getting out the house yesterday as I went 4 times in the morning but I was okay once I was at work. Dr Weaver said that I needed laxatives and gave me a prescription. I also found out another perk which is if you have cancer you don’t pay for medicines, fabulous. Free drugs, reduced parking charges oh and fast track at the pathology department, oh the joys of life.
I then asked the question, were my results in? Without moving or touching my file he said yes they were and I had bowel cancer in my lymph nodes. The ones in my neck and we are assuming the others that were inflamed in my gut from the CT scan. Dr Weaver explained that he wasn’t going to operate, excellent. That he would not expect them to be killed off after just one round of chemo. That after cycle number 4 I would have another CT scan and then if they are still there then he will change my chemo. I said great, “you do know CT scans cause cancer?” he just laughed and said “that yes that was a risk only for people who didn’t actually have cancer” I tried to then ask and what if that doesn’t work etc looking longer term but he just wanted to take one step at a time.
He was a lovely man Dr Weaver so I told him that he was missing a trick and should slip in some happy drugs with the chemo so people would love it. He agreed but then as Steve says we would then have hordes of people addicted to chemo. The meeting ended with another appointment to be booked for July and a prescription . As we were leaving Dr Weaver said “look if anything serious happens just call us”. To which I replied “what like getting cancer” and he laughed again and I was heading home to break my moms heart again.
I told Rebecca and mom, Rebecca said okay, went upstairs and then went into town. Mom and I sowed the grass seeds purchased earlier and Steve went back to work. Seeds sowed and a hug from mom, I knew I had to tell everyone. The last person I texted was Richard, I typed the following message, try to add humour to make him laugh.
‘Results in, I have bowel cancer in the lymph nodes in my neck and don’t even think about calling me shit head lol’
and so it went on with the information I’ve already told you about. I then just hit copy and paste to the people who knew about today. Anne from HR, who is actually called Amanda and has said that it’s okay for me to use her real name, was the first to reply. Out of the texts I get back of love and support (thank you all) I also get a text from the HR Director, now I’m in pieces and try to type a response through the tears. The support I have received from work has just been amazing and it really does overwhelm me, so I can make everyone laugh, hold it together for my loved ones but one text from work and that’s it game over, what a soppy mare I am.
Well that’s it then, warts and all. We are now back to more CT scans, waiting and of course hope. Hope that Harry will one day just piss off and leave me alone or that he at least doesn’t get into any vital organs and the chemo actually works.
Wendy, I love you and always had from the first time we met! I remember having that schoolboy crush and always wanting to find a woman just like you. My fondest memories involve you! I think about some of the laughs we had, even now and you just keep putting a smile on my face. I thank you for that. You know no matter how far apart we are, I’m always here for you and the kids! Loads of love xxx
Oh Pete thank you so much for your message. How did your appointment go with the surgeon? It’s been a difficult day here with the results on my lymph nodes 🙁 but your message made me smile and brought a tears to my eyes. Love you too mate, your a very special person and I love you loads xx
U ok Wendy, even though I’ve been through it I still don’t know what to say, all I can say is have everything they throw at you, I had the line in and I found it a great help no more prodding and poking at you, its there in place plus you have the line showing and a big plaster so that’s good, haha, my aunt is going through exactly the same as you and she gas opted for the line and its been better. When I was diagnosed I said they can take my arm my leg anything as long as um still here, and if you want to cry you cry I’m suffering now but at the time you go into overdrive and get on with it, p.s you looked fab at the wedding, pitty you didn’t have your line in all those people would have seen it, hahaha, look forward to the next you write, xxxxxxxxxxx tammy xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Email address is wrong, it should be what’s on this one, see what I mean about being thick haha
Hi Tammy, thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences with me. It’s so hard sometimes to think about what’s happening let alone write it down. Do you have bowel cancer too? I will consider the line as I do like a plaster lol.
I will take whatever they want to give me as I have no choice either, we will do anything to be alive with the people we love hey! I hate the prodding bit too, that stuff is hard. Crying is hard as I find laughter easier and it hides the pain from others.
Thanks again for your comments as you are the first person to talk to me who is a fellow suffer and therefore you are very special to me 🙂 x
I don’t have bowel cancer, I had breast cancer 3 years ago,
My aunt is going through the same as you at the moment, she has had the line in, I’m glad it helped you a little, and I do understand when people say you’ll be fine, I used to think how do they know what’s going to happen to me, they say keep Fighting but all you can do is take the treatment and try to stay positive and that’s really hard, you think why me what have I ever done to any one, apart from be a good daughter a good wife and a good mom, I have even picked out my songs for my funeral in case it pops it’s ugly head up again, because I’ve seen how quickly it comes back, my best friend died from breast cancer she was treated and 4 years later it came back then it was only weeks really, this was 2 weeks before I found my lump, I never give it a name as I didn’t want to be freinds with it, I just had to get it out of my body as fast as I could, another family friend had breast cancer and like my friend it came back after 4/5 years in her bones, it was only a matter of 2 weeks and she too was gone, now I’ve just gone past the 3 year mark and I’m worried to death what might happen, what if this and what if that, you have to live every day like your last as you never do know, we could get run over, be in a crash any thing you just never now do you, and if you feel like me, you think that the only luck you have at the minute is bad luck, I told you earlier about my seizures I have been having for the past 2 years, I’ve been told I’ve got to adapt and live my life around it,
Well now you have a week off the treatment, make the most of the good days because if your any thing like me when I was on my chemo the more sessions I had the longer it took for me to recover between cycles, so make the most of good days , that’s if the chemo has the same effect on you as it did me, every one is different and not every cancer is the same, that what the nurses used to say to me, I learned that there are 40 different types of chemo, it’s unbelievable what treatment there is now, if we would have been ill 30/40 years ago I wander what our survival rate would have been, very low I should think, it’s developing every day and perhaps when our children are our age they might have a cure, fingers crossed as no one should go through was we are and what we have had to go through, try to keep your self well as best you can, I know it’s hard, give my love to your mom and family as they are going through it as well, they can see what it’s doing to you and there is not a dam thing they can do about, my mom used to say if I could change places with you I would like a shot, it’s got to be hard for them as all they have done from when we were babes in arms is love and protect us, no it’s out of their hands, it’s very very hard for them to watch and can’t do anything, you know I’ve never put so much into words and it’s good therapy, would you mind if I did this again, and I hope I’ve helped you too, love you loads and loads and really do wish we were closer at school in stead of the odd hello, but I do remember when we were at little school I came around your house after school, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
OMG There is so much in that message it’s hard to read that you and your family have been through so much. The same journey as us. I hope that you others read your message as they will be comforted that thay are not alone in how this feels. You should consider doing a guest post for me and I could publish it with pride. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me, writing it down is so good, to helps to get it all ‘off your chest’ excuse the pun lol. I look forward to receiving your guest post, just let me know if you are brave enough to do it, I’ll create a guest account and I’ll send you the link and then you just have to write all the shit down, easy lol. Failing that just send me an email of your story and I’ll post it in for you. Thanks again, it means so much to talk to fellow sufferers, lots of love xxx