Contact at Last

So after a lovely 2 hours sleep yesterday Steve woke me as I was expecting Mr Grey and Elaine. I quickly finished yesterday’s post and with final edits done by Steve I hit the publish button on my laptop. Within about 30 minutes my mobile rang and it was a no caller ID but I answered it as sometimes it’s the hospital or if it’s a PPI call I have great pleasure in informing them that my number is on the TPS list and their call is illegal and I will report them. Which of course I can’t as the bastards have got round the law by phoning from another country. But it was neither, it was a call from Tessa, she is from the Rennie Grove Hospice Care foundation (never heard of them) following my referral from my GP. Wow I thought finally we are going to get some help.

They want to come and see me at home but they are so busy they can’t come until Monday (good job I’m not urgent hey!) But Monday is the first day of chemo and therefore we have arranged for them to call me in the afternoon but agreed that I may not be up for visitors on that day. So I’m almost there with help for my hubby drug lord and getting some help as we sail through this mad ocean in our lame boat with my broken outboard motor with no spare LOL. The journey of odd named drugs, side effects and understanding of the process. Palliative care is not a name I like to use as for me it implies the end of life but as Rita warned me yesterday, “don’t you give up fighting girl or I’ll be back to knock some fecking sense inters you both.” God love her.

So there you go, all you need to get help is to have stage 4 cancer, be in agony, 4 referrals, two 3 trips to your GP, too many sleepless nights and a follow up phone call from your GP and you can finally get someone who may be able to see you in 5 days time, marvelous don’t you think? NOT!

IMG_4336Steve was due to finish work at 8 pm so the plan was to have steak cooked in my outside oven once Mr Grey and Elaine had gone. They were running late as they had to put a Spectacular Event on at work but they finally arrived bearing birthday gifts 🙂 They brought me a fleece throw and a V shaped pillow for my chemo gazebo, which I was delighted with as I was going to get a fleece blanket for when the weather changed and also brought me a ‘Mont blog Pen’ it’s a private joke and we all laughed, excellent presents. The photo is a little grainy but it was late and in poor lighting in the famous chemo gazebo. Elaine was disappointed in the chemo gazebo, she had images of a grand design not a £20 one from B&Q, sorry Elaine but with your design and arty farty skills you could always design one for me 🙂

Mr Grey, Elaine and I were part of the Uxbridge new concept store opening along with Ruth, Ged and Brian. We had been through some interesting challenges together and remained friends ever since. Rebecca was upstairs but after they had gone she said she could hear the endless howls of laughter coming from the garden. We had a fabulous hour together, thank you Mr Grey and Elaine.  I did ask Mr Grey when were we going to write 50 Shades darker to which he laughed due to his lack of experience, but this maybe I project I will start but probably with another man for the male perspective, any volunteers???

Steve and I really enjoyed our steak, new potatoes with peppercorn sauce but I wasn’t hungry. For the last two days I had only been eating twice a day. Apart from the endless Celebration chocolates that I have been consuming but you can’t count chocolate can you LOL? I knew why I wasn’t hungry and I had to confess to Steve. My stomach had become very bloated and swollen, not due to the tumours but because I hadn’t been to the loo for 3 days. Now pre cancer days I could go a week or more without going, without a worry but following a 1/3 of my bowel being removed this was extremely strange for me indeed. Steve went straight to the medicine cupboard and pulled out the box of laxatives, oh the joy of life hey! The liquid was orange flavoured and I gagged as I tried to drink 125 ml. Yummy pudding following a sensational steak! My stomach started to make funny noises and I become increasingly uncomfortable but at least it wasn’t due to cancer pain for a change.

I wanted Steve to get a decent nights sleep as if we go up together he just worries, if we go up separately he still worries but if he goes first then he will eventually nod off. So alone I sit and reply to all my lovely messages to you all. I then start to convert the last 10 posts into the 2nd book which I was going to call ‘Pushing Up Daisies’ but I think the title lacks hope so if anyone has any ideas for a better title for the second book please let me know. I also copy the comments left on my blog as your words are a trail of love and support that I don’t ever want to forget. However I did tell Rita that her comments alone could become a book, God love the bones of her, as Rita would say.

So it’s midnight and things start to move, if you get my drift, I was thankful of the relief, constipation is a known side effect of co-codamol and morphine. By 12.45 I take another dose of painkillers but by 1.15 am I was tired but equally knew that I was in too much pain to sleep. I took 2.5ml of morphine and slept comfortably until 6 am, wow! Excellent, but not for Tia the ungrateful rescued cat who has got used to breakfast being anytime from 4 am. Usual routine of now feed ungrateful cat, painkillers, 1/2 biscuit/Celebration chocolates, coffee and a fag and I’m ready for my day.

I’ve planned nothing for my day today and following two sets of visitors and the hospital visit yesterday I need a restful and peaceful day. I plan to get some project work done and the pre write two posts for the weekend as Saturday and Sunday I am visiting the Midlands and my promise was a post everyday so what to write about in advance? You will have to wait and see hey.

Super Cute Molly Moo
Super Cute Molly Moo

Molly joined me in the newly pimped out chemo gazebo gifts from yesterday. Doesn’t she look cute hey. I spot a squirrel and quickly grab my phone to record the cheeky bloody thing but he was too quick for me. There is only one ball left in the garden for them to pinch so Molly was also after the thief.

Steve was on the 10-6 shift today so he woke about 9 am and we sat chatting as we always do. I am going to get stuff sorted today. I firstly rearrange the missed dentist appointment from the other day for tomorrow and then I call the M&S and Arcadia pension funds to find out what would happen in the event of my death and who I have nominated as my beneficiary. I am shocked at how much I am worth dead. The government changed the law recently and now if diagnosed as terminal you have the option to release your pension early but you do have to pay 25% tax on it, which is fair enough as you don’t pay tax on it when you save it. So that gives us options if we have to face that.

Now I’m hungry and cook a sausage and cheese sandwich for us plus two extra sausages to be shared between Molly and Tia. I take another lot of painkillers and fall asleep, the next thing I know it’s 2 o’clock wow where did those hours go? But as I wake up I am an hour late with my other painkillers and my back is in two with pain. I take more drugs and have a coffee whilst my wonderful hubby rubs ibuprofen gel into my back. I then receive a call from Leanne who is from Beating Bowel Cancer. She has arranged an awareness day in Wycombe for Saturday 26th September and we discuss this event plus much more over the next hour. Beware my friends in High Wycombe as I will be shamelessly asking for help on that day, or you could just volunteer to save you from my begging phone call 😉 #justsaying.

I have to say a massive thank you to Julie Davies for her donation, she is the Store Manager at BHS in Walsall, or if you come from the Midlands we call Walsall yam yam land, a term of endearment honestly. Thank you to the anonymous donor too but I wish I knew who all the anonymous donors were so that I could say a personal thank you but I do respect everyone’s privacy. I also received in the post today a lovely hand knitted blanket which someone took a lot of trouble to make for me. The package had split open and the post office had done their best to get it to me in one piece. The only clue I have is from the tracking number which states that it was posted from Milton Keynes, so however you are thank you. Plus I had a lovely letter from Heather, who lives locally and again I appreciate everyone’s love and support.

Thanks to everyone who has been outraged at the lack of support we have received from Macmillan. Tweets and emails to them have just resulted in them asking us to phone their general helpline number. We haven’t done this as we now have support coming from the Rennie Foundation, following the GP following up on this for us. From Beating Bowel Cancer who are super supportive, as always and I also received an email from our local hospice where I attended counseling the other week with offers of help, So Macmillan can forget us phoning them again as I think we have asked more than enough times for their help. If they can’t even call us then forget it as any help now would seem false, forced and empty.

Now tomorrow is an exciting day for me as the ‘Stud Muffin’ himself, Uncle Peter is coming to visit. He is in England for just a few weeks before returning to Australia. He is the policeman in the Cancer Free song and following his brain surgery and all the worry over his health I am so looking forward to seeing him. With pain now more under control we are taking him out for dinner. Richard I hope will be able to join us in time. So tomorrows post will have to go up early so that I can spend some lovely, long overdue time with him and my loved ones.

So I’ll leave you all for today and catch up with you all tomorrow xx



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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

18 thoughts on “Contact at Last”

  1. I was sitting here thinking that if you hadn’t heard from MacMillan by Monday, I’d ring Iain Rennie hospice at Home who, everyone says, are FANTASTIC. They’ve now amalgamated with Grove Hospice and it’s the organisation that’s rung you. I’m so pleased. I’m an ardent supporter of them. Now if you look at their website, you will see that there’s no need to die, you’re allowed to survive, and you jolly well better after all this effort! :-). (The proper smilies don’t appear for me when I post….) So take a peek at and you’ll see who they are. It was all set up as the result of someone in our village. Xxxxxxx

    1. Oh wow, someone in your village, did you know them? I’ve been on their website but not really looked at it which I will do. Glad you rate them then as they must be okay. Thanks for your support and for caring xx

      1. No I didn’t, but I do remember that the first Fun Run and quarter marathon that was run after we arrived was in aid of them and raised several thousand pounds. Since then, we’ve raised tens of thousands more including sponsoring lights on our Christmas Tree on the Common. Let us know how it goes. Xxxxxx

  2. Wen. 6 hours sleep. Wow! Someone at work today spoke about a McMillan coffee morning and I said I actually don’t want to raise money for them. Very unchristian I know but there it is. Let’s hope this other organisation offers you all the help you need. Loads of love to you all. Xxx

  3. Oh!!!!! I am late tonight Sweetcheeks, tee hee
    Hallelujah!!!!!! So pleased to hear contact has been made, please God they give the right support & comfort you & the family need to get you through your next stage of chemo & pain management xxxx

    You’ve also has some great sleeps which is fantastic, it will help restore your strength my lovely x
    You clearly had a hoot with the Lovely Mr Grey & Elaine the wee beauty 🙂 laughter is the best medicine around and it’s free :-). Xxx if only we could bottle it hey!!!!! We could turn some tricks with that xxx

    Now young lady I do need to say that you need to eat little and often and definitely get some food in your wee tummy before you take your tablets!!!!!!!!!
    You need to protect your tummy as all those tablets will cause havoc on your stomach & lining xxxx please, please just a little something before your Meds <3 <3 <3 Nag over 🙂 xxx

    I knew it, I just knew it !!!!!! I talk too much ha ha ha , but try as I might I can't shorten my comments 🙂
    you have to love me warts n all 🙂 xxx

    The stud muffin is on route to Trendy Wendy's yippee that will be just the icing on the cake for your week of visitors xx and to top it off your handsome Richard home too:-) followed by your weekend gadabout hoop north to the midlands. Such a busy week you have had. xxx

    Poor Mollymoo this squirrel gate malarkey is depriving her of her balls 🙁 poor wee sausage !!!! you'd think that ungrateful Tia would have helped and gave chase 🙁

    Well I'm gonna feck off and finish packing before my wee hubbie just puts me in the case and has done with it lol x

    I can now visualize your wee visit to hospital tomorrow to do your bloods, if they hurt you I'll come sort them out xxx
    Give the Stud Muffin a big hug from me x

    Love & Hugs Always to you, Steve, Rebecca, Richard, Mollymoo & sorry I have to draw the line at Tia lol she scares me ha ha ha xxxx
    Is tonight's any shorter !!!!!!!!!!

    1. Hi Angel, Lovely comments as ever and I will pass on your love to them all. Dentist and bloods tomorrow followed by the stud muffin 🙂 hope your packing is now done xx

  4. I’m still reading your blog its just that the WiFi is shite where we are, hope you get this ive tried 6 times now but no joy, thinking of you all the time, your never far from my thoughts, xxxxxx

  5. Re your lack of support don’t know if any help Lynne Foulds Wood had bowel cancer and when Jim had his prostate cancer,they met and she was very knowledgable and supportive Think she did a lot to publicise it.Look her up she may have a website which may be helpful.My aged brain forgets her husbands name TV personality? Was it JohnCraven or similar? She lives in London.Glad your Meds are helping now,both Barry and I were given codeine recently but can’t take for same reason Hope to see you at 8 on Sat.hope you won’t overdo it.x

  6. Hey just remembered its John Stapleton (Lynne Fould Woods husband) she does have several sites but was hoping you could contact her direct for some support as it seems to be lacking locally,anyway just a thought hood it helps.xx

  7. All fealing a bit guilty missing the lawnswood for a drink but our hearts are there even though our busy diary has prevented this. …. just remember that in the blackcountry you need extra jackets cos we ah’ got central heating yet but we do have running water (you have got to see my well handpump ) lol (a guy from Harlow really asked me this as he’d stopped in a farm cottage and couldn’t find the switch for the coal fire ): yo ah ad a loft til yo’ve bin t the blackcountry ..!

  8. I’ve heard good thing about Iain Rennie so glad they’re in touch I also won’t be supporting McMillan coffee mornings but certainly supporting local hospices as do great job…is everyone aware if hospice lottery? I’m going to buy a ticket in your honor Wends
    Sage advice from Rita re snacks before painkillers and try syrup of figs or lactulose for keeping regular. Glad your getting some valuable kip.
    Enjoy meal out and your weekend t’up north. that everything. .whoops forgot Molly moo…so sweet in blanket and I am so glad I threw ball for her before blasted squirrels nicked em all!
    Love to all the family even grumpy Tia xx
    P s be thinking of how I can pose for my March bum shot..think can get my tattoo on my hip into the shot to distract from the cellulite in case too much to photo shop… lol (that comments may not be helpful for sales) plus if over subscribed with bottoms perhaps hubby and I can double bum. err that’s not quite what I meant! Lol xxx

    1. Hi Jane, love your comments 🙂 Steve will be inviting you and the others who have said they are happy to do the bum shots into a private message group to discuss details but this will be next week now but it will happen xx

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