All mucked up!

Steve has been wanting a new pair of jeans for ages but with me being ill we haven’t been able to get to the shops. So the plan yesterday was as he finished work last night at 6 pm to go into Wycombe as it’s late night shopping, pop into M&S get some jeans and return home within the hour. This was all good but I can’t walk any distance very well without my ‘Rosie and Jim’ style walking stick but at least the stick keeps me upright. We park and although it’s a short walk which pre cancer days Steve would have been telling me to slow down, it was a very long walk for me. We slowly but eventually got into M&S and went to menswear, the escalator ride up to the 1st floor was a welcomed break from walking. Jeans chosen we head for the fitting rooms. I sat waiting for the fashion show in the male fitting rooms. There where two assistants working, well I say working! As I sat waiting for Steve they just made me so mad. They discussed their uni course, how many would be at their lectures and could they miss them without being noticed. They didn’t talk to me or offer any help with our purchases, even though we were the only customers. They fannied about pretending to sort out shirts and then the young lad slowly decided to do some returns but did he take the rail? No he two two shirts off the full rail and slowly walked away saying to his colleague that there were lots of returns for that day. I sat watching them. All they saw was a middle aged women with a walking stick, looking a bit shit if I’m honest. They didn’t see the woman who worked for M&S in Oxford Street who used to do walk rounds with Stuart Rose, they didn’t see person that is committed to service, they didn’t see a retail career spanning years of experience and the manager that would have put a foot up their arses had they had been on my shift.

Jeans sorted we head for the tills and leave the two uni students to it but boy did I want to give them some feedback! The man serving Steve at the tills had a limp himself and he was straight away there to ease my pain, showing me where the lifts were and just being very helpful but why is it that it takes someone who has obviously had health issues to be kind and thoughtful to another obviously struggling person? Easy to answer, because they know how hard it is to get around and do the simple things in life. Maybe everyone should spend a day as a disabled person in retail as part of their training to really understand the plight of less able people.

We return home but the trip has taken it’s toll on me and normally at night although I can feel the pain ranging anywhere from discomfort to agony the normal painkillers are not taking the edge off the pain. I try so hard to keep my pain out of sight from my loved ones but last night it was plain to see again. Steve had run out of drugs to give to me. I assured him that I would be fine and to not worry. He went to bed leaving me to do my favourite game of ‘wack a comment.’ I assured Steve that I would only wait up until I could take my next lot of painkillers and then take morphine and come to bed. This I did but it didn’t ease the pain. I tried to sleep at 1.30 after a final goodnight from Jani (from Beating Bowel Cancer) I tossed and turned and tossed and turned, I tried every position to ease the pain. I tried mind over matter and for the first time I even tried praying for relief from the pain. I gave up at 3.20 and came back downstairs, more painkillers and morphine taken I return to try again. and wake at 7.30 with the pain easier, thankfully.

So not the usual morning routine now as Rebecca was up before me and Tia the ungrateful one is nowhere to be seen as she has had her breakfast already. Molly is still asleep as normal and doesn’t even wake up to say hello or for breakfast, lazy dog. So I feed the fish and take painkillers followed by 1/2 biscuit, coffee and a fag. Rebecca kisses me as she leaves for work and we both discuss the visit of Stud Muffin, as we are both so excited for him to be with us later on in the day.

Dentist at 10.20 where Steve drops me off as near as possible and I with the aid of my ‘Rosie and Jim’ style stick I manage to walk the rest of the way. He repairs the back of my tooth where the temporary filling fell out. Steve picks me up and we head to Morrison’s as they have a photo booth machine in store and it’s easier for me to get to rather than struggling to get into Boots in town. Typical as the machine is down the other end of the store but that’s okay as they have wheelchairs available and Steve for the first time pushes me in a wheelchair to the machine. Photos done I can now apply for a disabled blue badge (Jo will be pleased at this news) and renew my driving license. On the form to renew my license there is a tick box asking if I want to be an organ donator, Steve says that no one would want mine now and we both laugh and I say that’s so going in my blog!

Back home for a quick shower as I have to be at the hospital for blood tests at 1 pm. I haven’t shown you my PICC line so here’s a photo for you. I have to go through the side effects of the new drugs I’m having on Monday and an appointment has been made for me to see the wig woman. You get one free wig so I agree but with a very heavy heart. Some people don’t lose their hair, everyone is different: for some it just thins, will I be a lucky one I wonder?

Back home I now only have an hour to rest before ‘Stud Muffin’ comes but I can’t sleep as the pain in my groin is too bad, I can’t lie down so I opt for painkillers instead and just hope I can cope without sleep.

Here is the famous chemo gazebo shot for you. I think Rebecca, Stud Muffin and I look happy but feel Richard has lacked effort lol. We spent a lovely hour together chatting and catching up but don’t worry Pete as the ‘circle of faith’ is strong within me and what’s said in the chemo gazebo stays in the chemo gazebo 😉

On to great news as thanks to Les and Pat, Jackie Prior and some anonymous donations yesterday and today, the grand total raised so far is £2505!

Due to all the sharing done everyday by you lovely lot, visitors to my blog have gone over 45,000 and we have had over 5500 views of the Cancer Free video between you Tube and Facebook. Thank you all so much.

So it’s still Nando’s tonight but sadly without the ‘Stud Muffin’ as he has to go to a stag do in Croydon, watch out girls in Croydon tonight!

The next two day’s posts are already written but they have been so hard for me to write about and you may not like the content but I will be back with you all on Monday after my chemo treatment for an update on my mad weekend planned in the Midlands with friends and family. Enjoy your weekend whatever you are up to and if you are in the Midlands and want to join us in the Lawnswood Pub in Wordsley on Saturday night from 8 pm that’s fine as anyone is welcome. However it’s family only on Sunday for the beautiful Sophie’s 5th Birthday Party and definitely no booze there! Speak to you all on Monday.