All mucked up!

Steve has been wanting a new pair of jeans for ages but with me being ill we haven’t been able to get to the shops. So the plan yesterday was as he finished work last night at 6 pm to go into Wycombe as it’s late night shopping, pop into M&S get some jeans and return home within the hour. This was all good but I can’t walk any distance very well without my ‘Rosie and Jim’ style walking stick but at least the stick keeps me upright. We park and although it’s a short walk which pre cancer days Steve would have been telling me to slow down, it was a very long walk for me. We slowly but eventually got into M&S and went to menswear, the escalator ride up to the 1st floor was a welcomed break from walking. Jeans chosen we head for the fitting rooms. I sat waiting for the fashion show in the male fitting rooms. There where two assistants working, well I say working! As I sat waiting for Steve they just made me so mad. They discussed their uni course, how many would be at their lectures and could they miss them without being noticed. They didn’t talk to me or offer any help with our purchases, even though we were the only customers. They fannied about pretending to sort out shirts and then the young lad slowly decided to do some returns but did he take the rail? No he two two shirts off the full rail and slowly walked away saying to his colleague that there were lots of returns for that day. I sat watching them. All they saw was a middle aged women with a walking stick, looking a bit shit if I’m honest. They didn’t see the woman who worked for M&S in Oxford Street who used to do walk rounds with Stuart Rose, they didn’t see person that is committed to service, they didn’t see a retail career spanning years of experience and the manager that would have put a foot up their arses had they had been on my shift.

Jeans sorted we head for the tills and leave the two uni students to it but boy did I want to give them some feedback! The man serving Steve at the tills had a limp himself and he was straight away there to ease my pain, showing me where the lifts were and just being very helpful but why is it that it takes someone who has obviously had health issues to be kind and thoughtful to another obviously struggling person? Easy to answer, because they know how hard it is to get around and do the simple things in life. Maybe everyone should spend a day as a disabled person in retail as part of their training to really understand the plight of less able people.

We return home but the trip has taken it’s toll on me and normally at night although I can feel the pain ranging anywhere from discomfort to agony the normal painkillers are not taking the edge off the pain. I try so hard to keep my pain out of sight from my loved ones but last night it was plain to see again. Steve had run out of drugs to give to me. I assured him that I would be fine and to not worry. He went to bed leaving me to do my favourite game of ‘wack a comment.’ I assured Steve that I would only wait up until I could take my next lot of painkillers and then take morphine and come to bed. This I did but it didn’t ease the pain. I tried to sleep at 1.30 after a final goodnight from Jani (from Beating Bowel Cancer) I tossed and turned and tossed and turned, I tried every position to ease the pain. I tried mind over matter and for the first time I even tried praying for relief from the pain. I gave up at 3.20 and came back downstairs, more painkillers and morphine taken I return to try again. and wake at 7.30 with the pain easier, thankfully.

So not the usual morning routine now as Rebecca was up before me and Tia the ungrateful one is nowhere to be seen as she has had her breakfast already. Molly is still asleep as normal and doesn’t even wake up to say hello or for breakfast, lazy dog. So I feed the fish and take painkillers followed by 1/2 biscuit, coffee and a fag. Rebecca kisses me as she leaves for work and we both discuss the visit of Stud Muffin, as we are both so excited for him to be with us later on in the day.

Dentist at 10.20 where Steve drops me off as near as possible and I with the aid of my ‘Rosie and Jim’ style stick I manage to walk the rest of the way. He repairs the back of my tooth where the temporary filling fell out. Steve picks me up and we head to Morrison’s as they have a photo booth machine in store and it’s easier for me to get to rather than struggling to get into Boots in town. Typical as the machine is down the other end of the store but that’s okay as they have wheelchairs available and Steve for the first time pushes me in a wheelchair to the machine. Photos done I can now apply for a disabled blue badge (Jo will be pleased at this news) and renew my driving license. On the form to renew my license there is a tick box asking if I want to be an organ donator, Steve says that no one would want mine now and we both laugh and I say that’s so going in my blog!

My PICC line
My PICC line

Back home for a quick shower as I have to be at the hospital for blood tests at 1 pm. I haven’t shown you my PICC line so here’s a photo for you. I have to go through the side effects of the new drugs I’m having on Monday and an appointment has been made for me to see the wig woman. You get one free wig so I agree but with a very heavy heart. Some people don’t lose their hair, everyone is different: for some it just thins, will I be a lucky one I wonder?


Back home I now only have an hour to rest before ‘Stud Muffin’ comes but I can’t sleep as the pain in my groin is too bad, I can’t lie down so I opt for painkillers instead and just hope I can cope without sleep.

The 'Stud Muffin' himself :-)
The ‘Stud Muffin’ himself 🙂

Here is the famous chemo gazebo shot for you. I think Rebecca, Stud Muffin and I look happy but feel Richard has lacked effort lol. We spent a lovely hour together chatting and catching up but don’t worry Pete as the ‘circle of faith’ is strong within me and what’s said in the chemo gazebo stays in the chemo gazebo 😉


On to great news as thanks to Les and Pat, Jackie Prior and some anonymous donations yesterday and today, the grand total raised so far is £2505!

Due to all the sharing done everyday by you lovely lot, visitors to my blog have gone over 45,000 and we have had over 5500 views of the Cancer Free video between you Tube and Facebook. Thank you all so much.

So it’s still Nando’s tonight but sadly without the ‘Stud Muffin’ as he has to go to a stag do in Croydon, watch out girls in Croydon tonight!

The next two day’s posts are already written but they have been so hard for me to write about and you may not like the content but I will be back with you all on Monday after my chemo treatment for an update on my mad weekend planned in the Midlands with friends and family. Enjoy your weekend whatever you are up to and if you are in the Midlands and want to join us in the Lawnswood Pub in Wordsley on Saturday night from 8 pm that’s fine as anyone is welcome. However it’s family only on Sunday for the beautiful Sophie’s 5th Birthday Party and definitely no booze there! Speak to you all on Monday.


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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

23 thoughts on “All mucked up!”

  1. Wow, it’s been many a year since I was in the Lawnswood. Wish I could be there to see you on Saturday Wend. Hope you have a wonderful catch-up!

    Hugs to you. x

  2. Have a good sat and sun with the family sorry ccan’t be there but will think if you. Have and good drink or two xx

    1. That’s okay and no drinks for me sadly cos of the drugs I’m on 🙁 but everyone else can so I’ll just watch them all getting pissed lol xx

  3. Hi you wonderful funny lady….. Feel your pain especially at night….. My microwave weat bag became my best friend….xx

  4. Hope you have a lovely weekend bud. Will be thinking of you Monday. I’m sure that the 2 week treatment will be easier,it is for me although the good days are fewer the side effects are not so bad apart from the flipping diarrhoea!

    Most people don’t lose their hair it just thins so hope you are ok xxx mine is thinning but hopefully not going patchy! Mind you you never know what’s going on on the back of your head!

    Big hugs xxx

  5. Now Wendy the bit with M&S staff made me laugh, because a foot up the arse followed by a bit of verbal and home truths is exactly what you’d give your staff!!!!! God how we’ve moaned about the pace of those who can’t be named, ha ha ha.
    Sorry your pain was so bad again and you struggled to sleep. I hope tonight will be better and set you up for your family weekend in the Midlands.
    Glad to see stud muffin is looking mmmm good! Shame he had to go to CROYDON, think I’d take the Nando’ s choice.
    Have a fab weekend making more ‘picking daisy’ memories. X

    1. Hi Mary Poppins, they were shocking and needed feedback lol, I just wasn’t up to it. Stud Muffin is lovely isn’t he 🙂 and I wish I could get a decent nights sleep too away from pain, maybe tonight hey 🙂 enjoy your weekend too xx

  6. Hi Wendy
    Thought I’d leave a comment on here today for all to read.
    By the way I can see why stud muffin got his name …whit whoo.
    Anyway matey as you know I’m off on my holidays but I will be keeping a beadie eye on you and I am praying that the next chemo chapter will be a better one. Lots of love xxxxx

    1. Happy holiday’s and I’ll mmiss our daily chats if the wifi is shit 🙁 but you just enjoy yourself and recharge those batteries hey xx

  7. At least you slept last night eventually. Glad you saw stud muffin today. He looks great. Bless him. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow Hope you have a good sleep tonight. Love to you all. X

  8. Well my Lovely
    So glad you caught up with The Stud Muffin Himself <3
    In the famous Chemo Gazebo x
    Have a lovely Nandos , my favourite eating den 🙂

    Go wild for the weekend Honey and have an amazing time with your family xx just go easy and don't over do it xxx
    More Daisy Gathering <3 <3 <3 Beautiful <3 Times <3 Ahead <3

    Look after yourselves xxx
    Love & Hugs Always xxxx

  9. Wend I’m away in Devon tomorrow til Monday I’m so sorry that I’m going to miss your visit but would love to come and see you please let me know if I can come hopefully before Christmas xx have a great catch up

  10. I am sorry to hear you have been suffering pain again today. I hope it subsides so that you can enjoy your weekend.

    I always part with my money begrudgingly when the customer service is poor. I think to myself “they don’t deserve my hard earned cash”. Another of my pet peeves is nurses stood at the desk chatting when you’ve been pressing your buzzer like a knob head for twenty minutes.

    Here’s one customer’s answer to lousy service…!

    Let’s hope the link worked there and it’s not just flobber dobber flobber dobber – like a fart in a bath.

    1. that link worked and made me laugh. I hate poor service and your right as they don’t deserve our money. Nurses are odd ones as some care so much and some you think “why are you in nursing” anyway thanks for making me laugh xx

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