Picking Daisies and PICC Line inserted

So after a good afternoon of sleep and being pain free, Steve finally has his wife back, well not all of me as we still find hugs hard, he has become very fond of ankle stroking as they don’t hurt. My left leg and right arm are okay and there is always my tits as they are cancer free but apart from those areas everything else is either sore or swollen.

Rebecca had been at work all day so she didn’t want to do curfew time and that’s okay. Steve and I enjoy watching a 1/2 hour funny and a game of MarioKart, I lost as normal. Now that I feel better I would love a beer but no alcohol on the new drugs so it’s lemonade and lime for me at 10 pm which we always used to call beer time.

After curfew time I try to catch up with messages from you all and it make me sad when I read that I’ve made you all sad. I never thought that anyone would be interested in reading my journey but so many of you not only read it but feel the pain too, thank you. I receive a donation from Simon Moss part of the BHS head office team, thank you Simon and it’s appreciated so much by me and the charity.

Now I told you that I work for an amazing company and look what Jacqui has done for me and this has been sent company wide. It brought tears as I read it. Hubby thinks it’s wonderful too. I know that Mr Muscles, Mr Bottom or HRH would have had to approve this going out to the entire company so a massive thank you to you too.  As it’s in a PDF format to read the text you just have to click on the image below.

Screen Shot 2015-09-02 at 08.02.39
Click to view full size (pdf)

So after a call from Nicky last night I take my final drugs for the day and head off to bed with Steve. Going to bed together is something we don’t do often and it’s so lovely. We cuddle gently and Steve is a constant source of love and support, I can discuss anything with him no matter how difficult the subject, my soul mate, the other half of me. He won’t sleep until he knows I’m asleep so lights out and I’m hoping for rest but no my body decides that’s not for me, bloody thing! The old ragging pain returns in my back, in my hip and down my leg.You bastard I think to myself, I’ve been fine all day, I’ve taken painkillers so why now? Why start again now? I can’t even lie in the bed it’s so painful. So at 1.30 am we are back downstairs for morphine and Linda’s pink fluffy hot water bottle. I record the dosage in my book and we head off back to bed. Steve is worried I know he is, he knows we are running out of options and I’m dreading the next round of chemo. He will always be there for me but the constant worry, being my nurse and drugs lord isn’t easy on him. We go back to bed and I tell him to sleep but he won’t and can’t rest, worry is a terrible thing that solves nothing. He whispers that he wishes he could take it all away for me and I actually just want to cry but this won’t help either of us so instead I just say “I know” we exchange “love you” and I pray for sleep to come not just for me but for him too.

At 5 am I’m awake again with pain. Tia the ungrateful cat is upset as 5 am is a lie in for me and she wants her breakfast. So animals fed, painkillers, 1/2 biscuit, coffee and a fag later I wait for the pain to ease. This reminds me, Jane when she visited the other day asked if the 1/2 biscuit was a healthy one? Gosh no way, me healthy? It’s always a biscuit of chocolate of some sort, this week I have two selection boxes to get through following BFF’s visit with her mom. Oh and there is always the Celebrations they brought too if I run out of biscuits. It plays on my mind that underneath all these painkillers the ragging pain is there, what is the bloody cancer doing to my body inside? It worries me as I feel new areas of pain now and I wonder why this is, is it he cancer in my organs or is it just the tumours growing and pressing on different nerves?

Rita was due at 10 am but due to traffic she now said she would be with us for 11 am so Steve and I had a sausage sandwich, lovely. Just before 11 am the door bell went and there she was, to all of you and me known as my angel. I opened the door and although I said I wouldn’t cry I did as I was just so pleased to see her. I think it would have been September BHS conference last year when we last saw each other (and slept together 😉 # justsaying! Reet Petite the finest girl you ever wanna meet was with us. Travelled for hours on a day’s holiday just to be with us, bless her. She brought wine, flowers and chocolates which I’m grateful for but not as grateful as for her just being her in our home.

The gown of shame!
The gown of shame!

A quick cup of tea and off we go to the hospital for my PICC line to be inserted. I put on the gown of shame and she shamelessly laughs at me and takes photo’s. I was shocked that the procedure would take about 40 minutes and worry about Rita waiting for me. I lie on the bed where Simon and his wonderful team do their stuff. I was worried about having this done but I didn’t feel a thing at all apart from the sedative going into my arm. I worried that I wouldn’t be able to smoke afterwards if my arm was numb but it was fine. As it was being done and I lay still I wanted to cry but I didn’t and Rita being there to make me laugh just helped me so much, thank you Rita for being with me today. The PICC line goes into the main arteries in your chest through a line just above your elbow. Simon said that he wanted it in my right arm due to the tumours in the left hand side of my neck. I asked if he had seen my scans and was he impressed with my tumours? To which he replied “I’ve seen bigger” bless him. Finally it’s all done and I return to Rita and get out of the gown of shame.

The famous Chemo Gazebo photo
The famous Chemo Gazebo photo

We returned home and I made Rita a salad for lunch, I did tell her that healthy food wasn’t any good for her but she is determined to loose another 2 stones for her own health reasons. We talked and talked, I could listen to her talk all day with her beautiful accent, wonderful stories and funny sayings. We exchanged the experience of losing people: her brother Liam, her mom and dad. What a wonderful childhood she must have had with 8 siblings in a close community in Ireland. She brought a donation for me from her sister Heather of £20. Thank you so much Heather it’s appreciated so much.

Me and my Angel
Me and my Angel

After hours of enjoy each others company she had to go, it’s a long journey and as ever I needed my sleep. I wept before she went I couldn’t help it. she has been such a comfort to me and my family over these past months. Rita remained strong and said that she would until she left us. I’ve just had a message from Rita to say that she is home safely and that she cried half way home. Bless you my angel.

All too soon she was gone, we waved her off and wished her a safe journey. I returned to my chemo gazebo and within minutes I’m asleep, only to be woken at 6 pm by Steve as Mr Grey and Elaine are due about 6.30. So I’ll leave you all there and update you with Mr Grey and Elaine tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to our nephew James, hope you had a great day.

Thank you Leah for my lovely daisy pin badge it arrived in today’s mail, love it 🙂 xx

Karen started her chemo cycle today and sending you big loves my chemo buddy and I hope to see you soon xx

Thank you sister in law Helen for tweeting McMillan, she did this as she was so angry. I have to report yet another day has past and still no contact from anyone even after 4 referrals and a GP follow up call. One of my comments last night left on the blog said that last year they received £215 million pounds in donations last year! wow that’s an amazing amount. They are at the end of the day only a charity and the NHS should have it’s own cancer nurses but you have to wonder where are they all?

No squirrel sightings today as I think Molly has frightened them off her remaining balls lol

Have a great evening and I will catch up with you all tomorrow as I’m off to pick more daises with Mr Grey and Elaine 🙂


Published by


Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

29 thoughts on “Picking Daisies and PICC Line inserted”

  1. I am so shocked that you are not getting the support from McMillan nurses that is bloody rubbish, as always thinking about you and your family all the time, much love x x

    1. I actually had a call after I posted up my blog so they will come and see me soon, they want to come on Monday but I start chemo then so I may not be up to it but at least they contacted me. Thanks for thinking of me daily and looking forward to Saturday 🙂 xx

  2. Glad you liked the daisy! I found it in a box full of bird and flower pin badges ( I was looking for a robin for my collection!) and knew I had to send it to you xx

    1. I was so lovely to receive this morning, I appreciate you thinking of me 🙂 sorry you wont be there on Saturday, you will be missed xx

  3. Aw shucks, our Daisy picking day went to quickly !!!! But what a beautiful day it was x
    Relaxing in the Famous Chemo Gazebo with the sun on our faces and talking away with not a care in the world for a small space in time, a lovely Moment in time.

    Our trip to the hospital and your Gown of Shame on 🙁 but the pie’ce de re’sistance had to be the wee shopping basket to put you clothes in.
    When you came out with the Gown of Shame on and a wee chuffel due to the pain of the growth in your groin my heart was breaking, but the wee basket tucked over your arm just sent me off on a chuckle 🙂 my poor trendy xxxxx love you I do. <3 <3 <3

    Then there was the fantastic Mr Wonderful xxx Your beautiful Hubby Steve. So very much in love with his Wendy <3
    It was so visible you could feel it embrace you. xxx
    Steve put me in charge of your 1:15 pm medication, as it would be due while we were at the hospital.
    So I kept watching the time fearful that I would let the drug baron down tee hee . I have to say Wendy you did try to talk me out of administering said medication as you hate tablets, but I was having none of it tee hee, I knew I'd have to answer for my short comings " sainta Maria I wasn't going down that path lol. So in the end you were good and accepted them gracefully x
    Just as fecking well !!!!!
    We were no sooner in the car not yet out of the carpark and the drug baron messaged to check if you'd taken them he he he . So pleased I complied 🙂 xxx

    So back to the chemo Gazebo for more cosy chats a lovely lunch and throwing the ball for mollymoo, she's a beaut x
    She even saved me from Tia the puddy tat !!!!!! Lol

    All to soon I knew I had to go, I knew you had to rest as you'd been up since 5 this morning xxx
    I didn't want to go, I didn't want our time to be over but I knew you wouldn't sleep unless I did.

    But it won't be long before I'm back I promise xxxxx
    Love & Hugs Always xxxxx

    1. A precious day and precious moments in time, thank you for being there with me today to make me laugh. Hope to see you soon too my angel xx

  4. I’ve messaged MacMillan. It puts me off supporting them. Let’s hope one of us hears something.

    Meanwhile I’m glad that the pain relief is working some of the time. Thank goodness for Rita, everyone needs a Steve and a Rita plus a Rebecca and a Mum in times like this. Xxxxxx

    1. I actually had ac all after my blog went up and they wanted to come and see my on Monday but that’s chemo day so I may not be up to seeing them but at least I had some contact, thanks for trying to help xx

  5. Oh Wendy sounds like a much better day, just need to get this sleep or lack of it sorted!
    Bloody MacMillan need to get there fingers out, you can’t tell me they have not seen four referrals and what about the doctor’s call!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
    Work have been amazing, just goes to show we all moan about the companies we work for but then ours do something really good and you think ok not many companies would do this, good on them!
    Hope your pain stays under control and you enjoy your weekend in the Midlands.
    Love and little squeeze, I’ll go for the ankles over the tits though! Ha ha ha

    1. Hi Mary Poppins thanks as ever for your lovely message and you make me laugh, no tits it is then lol I actually had a call from them after the blog went up so I’ll be seing them soon. Work have been fabulous, bless them xx

    1. Hi Nicky, yes a much better day thanks and glad pain is getting under control as constant pain is not nice 🙁 Thanks for thinking of me as always xx

  6. Sending much love over to you, brave women that you are! Would love to see you one day, but with Eric poorly and the Environment Centre and its conference taking time, and not driving there is little time in the day to do everything I want to do.
    It is good to know you are surrounded by those you love and your wide circle of friends. We all receive back what we put into life – and you have put in a lot!

    1. Thanks Frances and your right, we only get out what we put in. I’m sorry that Eric is poorly it must be a constant worry for you. I am surrounded by love all day everyday, I’m truly blessed and I hope to see you soon too xx

  7. Wendy,
    I have been reading and sharing your blogs for a while now after reading one Rita had posted which captivated me. So happy you both had a good day today. I always enjoy listening to Rita – that accent
    I am a fellow BHS employee and had worked in Kingston a few times during a refit – maybe we merchandised together at some point?
    You are so very brave and strong and have an amazing family.
    So sad you are not getting support from the professionals that you should so, keep at them. Hopefully someone will listen.
    Keep writing and we will keep reading
    Much love to you and yours

    1. Hi Chantalle, I was at Kingston after the refit so sadly we wont have merchandised together, Ruth Franklin I think was the store manager then. Thank you so much for reading my blog as I love to hear that people enjoy it. Rita is lovely isn’t she, bless her. Are you still part of the BHS family? I do hope so. Thanks for getting in touch and your comments xx

      1. On mat leave at the moment, but still part of the BHS familia.
        Rita is a good one 🙂
        As hard it is to read your blog sometimes, i enjoy every one.
        My Grandad battled bowel cancer for 10 years.
        Reading gives me a better insight into a world to which most of us do not have to experience.
        Keep writing Wendy and we will keep sharing xxx

  8. Glad today seems to have been a better day. We all have that guardian angel in our lives and by the sounds of things you have yours in Rita. It was wonderful to read of your time shared together. Xx

  9. I’m so sorry I’ve not been in touch,I’m still away and the WiFi is shit, my tablet won’t work and my fingers are too big for me phone, glad to hear the pain killers are giving you a bit more pain free time, if you don’t hear from me, I’ve not forgotten you its the bloody WiFi, I think about you all the tine, this is the 5th tine now I’ve done this CUs the shittin WiFi, have a peaceful night if its at all possible for you, wish we could all share the pain so it wouldn’t be so severe, love to you always xxxxxxxxx

    1. Hi Tammy, Sounds like you have ‘buffer face’ no wifi isn’t good and it makes you realise how much we rely on the internet. I know you haven’t forgotten about me. Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday night 🙂 xx

  10. Ah you sound a bit chirpier today. It was awful hearing how much pain you are in. Let’s hope the medication continues to help you. Lots of love as always xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *