Vows and a System Upgrade

So it’s the 20th June, the day of the wedding. Now I’m really organised normally and always get my clothes ready for the next day, if I’m doing something, otherwise it’s Super-dry joggers. For some reason I didn’t do this. So I wake up and feel sick, it’s the first day of my rest week and I feel awful. Then the one minute warning kicked in and I’m thinking about my last post when I was talking about shitting myself in church and start to worry. My stomach the night before had been massive but it was going down now, I think it heard the word laxatives yesterday from Dr Weaver. I decided to have a piece of toast and jam to help with the sickness.

I blow dry Rebecca’s hair,  I love making Rebecca look pretty as she is beautiful to me but she doesn’t like the all the girlie stuff, so I’m making the most of pampering her. I then shower, get dressed (thanks for ironing it all mom) and we are almost ready but I can’t find my matching handbag for my shoes!! OMG I can’t remember the last time I went out without matching my handbag and shoes, oh the shame of it. Rebecca came to me after she, Steve and my mom had searched for it, without any luck and said “it’s okay mom as there will be worse dressed people than you there today” Now I know what she meant to say but my lovely daughter, bless her just doesn’t say what she means sometimes or it just comes out wrong, lol

So off we go to the church, we make it with 15 minutes to spare. We go in and in front of us is Steph (who went to college with Amy and Rebecca). They started talking straight away. I said “hello” but said that I would talk to her in a minute as I have to say a prayer first, as I was in a church and I was brought up properly. I found it very comforting to be in a church and saying my private prayer to God to look after my loved ones, not me but just the people I love. I then said hello to Steph and the couple next to her who had not been to a Wedding before. The music started and the wedding party were there. Amy I would like to say looked beautiful but she was in such a hurry to get to Joey she almost ran down that isle and I didn’t actually see her or the dress, they went past as a bit of a blur.

Now the service was conducted by a lady vicar. I really got the feeling she was being genuinely sincere about her job for the day, when she spoke about her hopes of  love and happiness for them and all that the future would hold. She was also very caring about the whole family as they had been through a bereavement recently. She made us all laugh at times and allowed us to clap when the vows had finally been taken. Amy was a wreck and cried most of the way through her vows, all I could see was Joey dabbing her eyes with a hanky. The service was beautiful and full of the love that they clearly have for each other. Now I’m watching all this and thinking of the vows that I took with Steve 11 years ago.  I wish I could do it all again. When you say the words “in sickness and in health” you have no idea what sort of commitment that may be one day and I think of my poor hubby. The only other part of the vows that really upset me are the “til death us do part” I couldn’t have that in our service and opted for the as long as we both shall live. One of the readings was from Corinthians 13 vs 7 & 8, and it reminds me that we have that on a piece of wall art at home as we had that at our wedding and we both love it.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

I am really enjoying the service and at parts getting emotional and at the same time feeling comforted at being in church. The lady in front of me has brought a bottle of water and at some point not only drinks from it but also drops it on the floor. Now I was brought it to be respectful in church and I find it odd that people don’t know how to behave in church. I am thankful of my upbringing at this point, that I know how to behave in church. We sang hymns every morning at primary school as the morning assembly was the start of the day, and I can recite the Lords Prayer without thinking about it. It’s as natural as saying my name and I don’t need the words written down for me. It makes me sad that the younger generation don’t have that grounding (I now sound old). When we went into the church prior to the service I was amazed at how many people were on their phones. I did quickly reply to an old school friends message very as I was checking that my phone was on silent but it was then put away.

I was talking to Rebecca about religion whilst the register was being signed. She said that she didn’t really believe in God. I started to talk about how through life we need to believe. I talked to her about the night I just wanted to be in church after Julie had died. That I was just sat in church on my own crying and a vicar appeared to talk to me. The memories of that just hurt to much and I could feel the tears burning in my eyes so I quickly ended the conversation. The service ended all to soon and we were outside for photos. I sadly missed the confetti throwing moment but made up for it later.

At the reception we were all outside, I had found somewhere to park myself and was getting to know Steph. I also had the opportunity to meet Amy’s mom who I had heard so much about. The photographer wanted a group shot so we all congregated on the steps. I thought it would be the right time to do the confetti bit, so all arranged with cameraman ready Rebecca and I threw ours, straight in to the wind blowing towards us! so we moved to the other side of the happy couple and tried again but I didn’t have much left so it was a bit pathetic. Now Amy was definitely not at the back of the queue for boobs and she had confetti in her cleavage. I decided that it would be a great idea to place the little confetti I had left on her assets for Joey later. I don’t know how but I somehow grabbed the front of her dress and I heard a massive rip! OMG I have actually torn the front off her wedding dress! I was about to cry, I could have died from the shame, was I going to be the first person banned from a wedding? Amy was in hysterics at my horror as the front of her dress was on poppers and I had pulled them off and not ripped her beautiful dress, it could only happen to me!

The day was just too long for me and I left sadly at 6 pm, not been able to do the dancing I wanted to do with Rebecca. I was just so tired. So I went to say goodbye to Amy. After hugs she said “oh I love your blog.” “You read my blog” I couldn’t believe it. “Yes she said and so does my mom” I felt so honoured, I was shocked that they read it. So to Amy and Amy’s mom “thank you for a great day and letting us share it with you”. The whole day was beautiful and full of love. Not only between the happy couple but you could clearly see the love between the family members. Talking of love I have to share this with you, as part of Joey’s speech to Amy he said

There are two important days in a mans life, the day he is born and the day he realises why he was born.

Upgrade so Steve wants to enhance my site and we set about improving the look of the blog. We tried many designs but decided that they weren’t me. After much thought and debating the photo that now appears is of me trying to cope at work, in pain and thinking I have wind. The hot water bottle is from my dear friend Linda. Now a word of advice, don’t try to use a hot water bottle to get rid of cancer pain. I used it most days for weeks and it took weeks again for the marks to go from my belly.

The blog, thanks to my Facebook friends in sharing it has been read in Vietnam, USA, Indian, Sri Lanka, Philippines, Estonia, United Arab States, France, Mexico, Germany etc etc etc with over 2000 people seeing it. Today I finally got a comment from a fellow cancer sufferer who placed a comment on my blog to help me with advice. Bless you Tammy and you made my day complete.