There’s no place like home

We are all safely back home from Somerset, the journey home was so hard due to the heavy rain, the British climate never fails hey! But I’m back at home back in my chemo gazebo in my garden, in my home with our rules and not under the prying eyes of Christine the site manager who became obsessed with what Molly was doing and where she had been within the house. The 5 precious days away together has been a complete mixture of emotions. It’s had laughter, sadness and tears. Nicky can’t believe how much I have changed since she saw me last just 6 weeks ago. I can’t believe that a few weeks ago I was up to making the video and spending days with lots planned as now my days consist of clock watching for the next lot of drugs I can take and due to the pain I walk like an old woman, bent double. I can’t even lift a full kettle now as it’s too heavy. Last night Steve and I briefly spoke about how my health had been over the holiday. He knows that for me to take morphine the pain must be bad. I tell him that it will just get worse and I’m so sorry. He struggles so much as the others have done being away seeing me in so much pain. Beth isn’t used to seeing it and I worry about the effect it will have on her but she was wonderful, helping me walk, fetching me things, walking Molly for me but the best of it was seeing her and Rebecca making special precious memories together, laughing together, being friends, mission accomplished I think.

Last night Rebecca and Beth came up with the game of ‘How well do you know your best mate?’ A bit like Mr & Mrs. They planned it themselves and although I lost by just one point they were the winners actually as we laughed and relived some wonderful stories that otherwise they wouldn’t have known about from the friendship that Nicky and I have had which has lasted since I was 17 years old.

The highlight of the things we did on holiday has got to be Dismaland and I wanted to share a few photo’s with you. My favourite was a video I watched by Jason Headley

(contains strong language, over 18’s only. Health and Safety covered again)

my kind of peace and meditation, makes perfect sense to me anyway.

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Yesterday I talked about us car dancing and Rebecca filmed 30 seconds of it, neither Nicky or I were aware she was doing this but I’ll share it with you all anyway as it’s a fun memory:

IMG_4293We then went for cake at a wonderful coffee shop, dogs were more welcome than the humans. Molly had two treats and then slept under the table as good as gold as we ate cake, yummy. We then walked to the sea front but by this time I can hardly walk due to the pain. Nicky, mom and I stay in one of those sea front shelters whilst Rebecca and Beth go off to walk Molly along the sea front. I’m in so much pain and tired out that I sleep with my head resting on Nicky’s leg. I need to close my eyes and hope that the drugs I’ve just taken kick in. Nicky gently strokes my hair and I doze off for about 20 minutes. The car journey home didn’t contain any dancing as before and I was so glad just to be back safe at the holiday home. The pain was just unbearable and I gave in and took morphine. 3 hours were lost due to me sleeping but at least the pain had eased off. This scares me as I can feel the cancer eating away at me inside, the pain just won’t stop. Like before my operation I get so down about the pain and not being able to do things. With the chemo not working I fear that the next lot won’t either and the now 12 – 1IMG_42918 months left maybe even shorter plus I will have lost my hair. Oh shit I’m dreading that. Courage to take chemo is hard enough but this next treatment is going to take all of my inner strength. I have no idea how I will react to it again and after the second course of treatment my hair will start to come out

The internet was so bad at the holiday home that I struggle to keep up with the comments and thank you’s to you all. I know you all say don’t worry but it’s so important to me. After curfew time on a normal day I’m straight to my laptop to see how many hits the blog has had, where from and I love to read your comments. These are so precious when left on the blog as they will be there forever and form part of the new eBook. Steve or mom often say “oh you’ve had some lovely messages” so they read them too and it helps them.

The problems publishing the eBook should be resolved in the next 24 hours. It’s been a week since I promised it to you but in true Wendy style, mine was broken but Steve has fixed it for me. I will of course let you all know when it’s ready to download from iBooks.

IMG_4297So I’ve been spoilt rotten for my birthday, so many cards, presents and messages it’s so hard to pick out a few which are special but I will have to. My favourite card was from ‘stud muffin’ Pete and a photo proves why it’s my favourite, it made me laugh so much. Most naughty present was from my BHS family in Kingston who spent way above the usual amount. Rita sent me a wonderful box of daisy goodies, I return home to beautiful flowers, more cards and a special box from Aunty bloody Vera who has loaded an old tea box full of little surprise presents and even a present for Molly πŸ™‚ the scratchcard won us Β£4 so I can now say I’ve won the lottery but I won’t spend it all at once hey.

My favourite present was from Rebecca who on her own contacted you from my blog and she produced a wonderful video of birthday messages from so many of you. Thank you to all who sent messages and a massive thanks to Rebecca for pulling it all together for me. How thoughtful was that of her, bless her. So as it’s what you have all been waiting for, here it is…..

Now I’m home I will be back to normal in terms of being connected to you all. This helps me so much, gives me a focus for the day and I get strength from it.

I have been contacted by the hospital today and the new chemo cycle will be September 2nd at 12 o’clock I go in to have the PICC line inserted into my arm. On Friday 5th September I have to have bloods taken and then on Monday 7th I go in to have the first lot of the new chemo treatment.

Now you know what this means don’t you? Yes I’m coming up to the Midlands to see you all. Leah reads my blog daily so Leah we can’t wait until the new year and I’m bald, we need a get together on Saturday 6th September. Everyone is invited, family, old school friends and new friendships I have made via the blog. We will have a fun night to remember so details on venue and times soon. On Sunday we hope to see baby Jacob for the first time before returning to Wycombe. The weekend will give me something to look forward to and focus on rather then the chemo to come on the Monday.

Thank you for all your donations, to Sarah Gillett, BHS HR Director, Tim and his mom and Paulette yesterday for their generous donations, the total is now at Β£2202.00. I have received messages from Beating Bowel Cancer to say how grateful they are. The video views of ‘Cancer Free’ are at over 5000 between Facebook and YouTube due to you sharing it and the visitors to my blog have risen to 39, 681 and I thought no one would be interested in my story!

Final congratulations to Beverley in America who is a regular blog reader and the arrival of her Granddaughter, Caroline.

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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

7 thoughts on “There’s no place like home”

  1. Well I’m glad to see Steve was the man of the hour πŸ™‚ he’s amazing bless his heart <3

    So my lovely so pleased you all got home safe & sound and your all nestled in again xxx

    Another couple of days journeying which I think is best described like 4 seasons in a year; Love, pain, joy & sadness crashing against each other in such a short amount of time.
    Emotions running high and understandably so and still your selflessness shone through <3 <3 <3

    Huge well done to Rebecca, what a great video gift to her mum, Top Marks Rebecca a fantastic daisy moment stored for mum xxx

    Definitely agree the stud muffins card is great lol I love it πŸ™‚ x
    And lots of gifts πŸ™‚ your Birthday sure was special xxx

    Well my sweet your dates are in for round 2 thank goodness for that, there's no hanging about waiting πŸ™
    Stop fretting about your hair honey, it will grow back and there's so many other head products available now to let you feel comfortable.
    Start googling to see what appeals to you, come on Trendy get those organising skill on the go. <3

    Keep hitting that morphine to ease the pain, please don't suffer it's just not fair on you and it's exhausting, you need your strength for next week xxx

    Well sweetcheeks need to move my arse and get to work πŸ™

    Love & Hugs Always <3 <3 <3 xxx

    1. Thanks Rita, the PICC line is due to go in at midday on the day you planned to visit us.if you are here before 12 you could come with me or if you arrive after 12 we can just do lunch. Anyway looking forward to seeing you soon xxx

      1. I will take great pleasure in taking you to the hospital and being with you throughout <3
        I will feel useful then xxx
        My aim is to leave early Morning Wednesday 2nd and be with you ASAP.
        We can both have siestas through the day πŸ™‚ xxx
        Love & Hugs Always xxx

  2. Wen it was wonderful for us to spend precious time with you all. It’s great to have our time documented forever on your blog. Driving home yesterday I realised it was only 4 weeks since I saw you not 6 as I came at the start of the summer holidays and we talked about going away. Don’t worry about Beth as she wouldn’t have missed it for the world and enjoyed spending time with everyone and especially Dismaland!!! You are right it was great to see Rebecca and Beth making memories,laughing together and friendships growing. Rebecca’s video was fantastic and it was great to see your reaction. I was worried when I first saw you sleeping shortly after our arrival thinking our laughs may be few and far between on this special holiday but as always Wendy you continue to amaze us all and the laughs come thick and fast. So many people love you and rightly so. Glad you have your dates for the next stage of your journey. We will be with you all the way. All our love. Your best mate and family Love you so much. Xxxx

  3. A fantastic read as always Wendy with some great memories created – love the idea of the birthday video messages. You are truly loved and well thought of by so many. Love always Bx

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