Anger Management

I’m sorry this post is late up today but it’s been a busy busy day for me. So where do I begin? As ever where I left you last night…..

Schindlers List was 1/2 an hour from finishing and the internet dropped out, we tried loads of different things but nothing worked so we couldn’t finish the film and as Steve had gone to bed already we couldn’t ask him to fix it, anger number 1. Then when everyone has given up with the film and gone to bed I start to work on the little surprise I have been planning for you all. I had been working on the main computer for over an hour and so my stomach is now in two with pain, I start to gag and gag, the sort where your eyes water, oh no, I don’t want to be sick πŸ™ I manage not to be sick and get to bed but only after numerous trips to the loo. Now this anger number 2 as I know it’s my fault for eating too much Sunday dinner of Roast Pork with all the trimmings but having spent two weeks not being able to taste food I just can’t help myself but I then have to pay the price. I eventually get into bed at just after 2 pm.

I wake at 5.50 am, no pain, excellent! and after 1/2 a biscuit, coffee and a fag plus animals fed I go to check the work I had done just 4 hours previously. The speakers won’t work, FFS they worked 4 hours ago, anger number 3! Steve wakes as he is on the early shift and I rant about how can something work 4 hours ago and then without anything being changed it won’t now work. Steve instantly fixes it as the computer had decided to turn the volume down itself. Steve goes to work and my day is all planned anyway. Take Rebecca to the hairdressers, take Richard to get his car MOT’d, Mom has to leave today and return to the Midlands. Pick Rebecca up and then meet Emma to do work. Anger number 4 as all this was going to plan but there are road closures all the way to the hairdressers that weren’t there this morning when I dropped Rebecca off at the hairdressers and I have to go back into Wycombe along the London road to go back up to Flackwell Health. I arrive but Rebecca isn’t ready and I have to wait another 20 mins which isn’t really anger number 5 as I haven’t seen Caroline who does my hair for months so that was nice but it is anger number 5 as I am now late meeting Emma and as mom has gone home Emma is sat on our drive waiting for me and so I’m driving as fast as I can to get home for her.

I remember that cancer joke for you to add some laughter to this anger post ‘My Oncologist now does my hair’ LOL

Anger number 6 is from my mom as she hates leaving me, she worries too much and is scared of the time she is missing out of with me, she doesn’t want to go back to her normal life. I’m sad for herΒ  as I know I’d be the same if it was any of my kids but she can’t move in and be with us 24/7 as we all have to have space.

The beautiful Emma hard at work
The beautiful Emma hard at work

Back home and work all done with Emma which took hours and although I thought I’d saved a document it didn’t save and all the work had to be done again, anger number 6. It was lovely seeing Emma and spending time with her but I had now been awake for 9 hours and working in a sitting position as with the previous night sent my stomach into spasms and I can’t hide the pain from her,Β  I’m forced to take painkillers. Next door have a builder round and drilling can be heard for well over an hour. When Emma had to go and we go to her car which is parked on our drive it’s covered in brown dust, anger number 7, oh no poor Bella (name of Emma’s car) now Emma has to get her cleaned as brown shit coloured dust doesn’t look good on a mini convertible.

I am exhausted and can’t wait to sleep and relax my stomach. I have a missed call from Leanne, so I drop her a quick text to say sorry but I have to sleep and I do the same for Steve. Anger number 8 as I can’t walk Molly now, I’m knackered and I haven’t even started my post for the day πŸ™ I sleep for 1 1/2 hours. I wake just as Steve returns from work. A quick exchange of the events of the day and I have to do my post, see how I love you all πŸ™‚

IMG_4071Steve has done some research into turmeric being able to reduce or stop bowel cancer cells spreading and has returned home with the tablet form of the spice. He also says that I have to eat shiitake mushrooms too. I’ll give anything a try hey and so we will.

Both of these things are backed up by the Cancer Research UK and serious trials are being done to explore the beneficial effects, so it’s no quack cure.


I have listed all my angers as all of us, me and my loved ones are angry but who should they or I be angry with? So what happens to us all is that the lightest thing makes us all over react. It gives us a ‘thing’ to be angry with. Feelings of hopelessness is not good and the thoughts of what we all stand to lose and the possible difficult road ahead is always with us. It makes us all angry but to each other we are fine until something small sparks off the anger and frustrations of life.

11745360_10152896251171512_4505185434648841080_nFinally I copied this off someones timeline the other day as I like you was probably shocked to find out that Robin Williams suffered with depression. How can someone who brought so much laughter to the world be so sad? The truth is that like anger, depression can be a disability in itself and because people hide it away, like anger it festers beneath the surface of the exterior that we show others.

Anyway as it’s a ‘Warts and All’ blog so it’s all about anger and frustration today, sorry but we have to have the difficult days to know and appreciate the good ones hey.

As mom has returned and Steve is back as Editor, any mistakes in this post – get angry with him haha xx


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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

8 thoughts on “Anger Management”

  1. My first thoughts when reading this were “when is she going to slow down?” you appear to be constantly on the go, not saying it’s a bad thing but surely you are supposed to be taking care of your self πŸ˜‰

    And as a sufferer of depression myself (yes they got me on the happy pills) reading your blog sometimes isn’t the easiest thing to do, but compared to what your going through it’s a doddle. I had a tumour removed from my neck 18 months ago and the worry from that damn near killed me !! So fight on, tell the world but for gods sake slow down a bit lol

    1. OMG Tony I’m sorry to hear about the depression and the tumour. I also had one removed from my neck but that’s Wednesday’s blog so you will identify with it. You always seem so confident so that’s why the Robin Williams thing will of hit home hard. I do try to slow down as I just can’t be my old self but it’s not easy. When I’m feeling okay I want to enjoy every moment and then when I’m not I can’t seem to say to people that I have had enough and need to rest. Thanks for getting in touch and sharing personal stuff with me, lots of love xx

  2. I agree with tony slow down a bit buddy look after your lovely self Wendy be kind to yourself !! And don’t let this horrible disease dominate your life ! You will have good days and bad and we are all here right by your side, I think about you daily and hope that you continue these blogs as I read them at night when I’m resting after a long day of looking after people just like you in your situation ! Keep strong our wend xxxxx

    1. Bless you and all nurses that have to cope with people who have to cope with any disease as it can’t be funny at times. I’m going to have a restful day tomorrow so that will help, thanks for worrying about me xx

  3. I agree too, just slow up a little, I also have struggled with depression over the years, I suffered 2 breakdowns, 2004 and 2011, if knew in 2011 I was going to have the cancer I think I would have ended it there and then, I went back to work in the February 2012 after having 8 months off with the breakdown and 3 weeks later I found my lump and you know the rest, since the cancer I haven’t struggled at all with depression, nerves and anxiety, I’ve changed my out look, but I am stuck with the seizure type turns which I’m told it’s the brains way of copy with the stress and anxiety it just shuts down , I’ve got it for life I think,but I don’t care aslong as I’m other wise healthy you know what I mean, take care my sweet, your on my mind all the time, when I go to bed and when I wake up, I’ve also had dreams about you, I just wish there was a magic wand I could wave to make all the shitty pain go away, try and have a good nights sleep bab, love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    1. Hi Tammy, it’s so sad that you suffer too, so many people do in silence for fear of being judged as mental health is a taboo subject. As long as you are as healthy as you can be, live for the precious moments hey. You take care and thanks for thinking of me xx

  4. Aw sure bless your wee heart,
    Anger every so often is good it helps get the built up frustration gone.
    But like everyone else I totally agree you need to look after yourself!!!!!
    I know how you need to be rootin tootin all over the show BUT you need to learn to be a tinsy winsy bit selfish.
    Just Chill a little and let your body heal from the traumatic experience it is incurring with Chemo πŸ™
    Listen to your body Wend, it’s telling you to slow the feck down xxx
    Soz I’ve only got to read your blog now but just home from work x
    Love & Hugs always xxxxx

    1. Was worried about where you were, I’m going to be good tomorrow after all the nagging and work from home and rest, I know I need too. Thanks for caring everyday xx

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