I’m Back :-)

I hope you all had a great weekend. Karen shared her story with you all yesterday, glad you liked it (an odd phrase to use but you know what I mean). Thanks for your messages to her left on the blog and for sharing her post with your friends. It takes real guts to share personal stuff with people you don’t know so I’m proud of her, thanks chemo bud and big hugs x

So back to Saturday and family day. Well that’s the trouble with planning isn’t it! I like a plan but like life plans can go wrong or just change direction. The plan was relax with family in the morning – Richard is not well with his sinuses. Lunch with quesadillas – new recipe that went well. Lauren arrives lunchtime – she couldn’t make it. Troy Boy and guests arranged to arrive at 2pm – they are running late. Guests should have arrived at 2 and left in time for me to have a sleep before going out to Nandos  – cos they arrived late I didn’t get my sleep. Family meal out – didn’t happen as too tired – Richard went to a Wedding reception, Lauren wasn’t down and Rebecca went to a friends party. Ended up with a Chinese take -a-way which was okay but not from where we normally order due to an online discount offer, should have known better. So curfew and family time ended up being Steve and I walking Molly. But if I walk my groin tumour gets upset and as the discomfort builds the slower and more disabled I look but Molly was happy as it was walk number 2 for her today. Back home I’m so tired I end up going to bed early and as this is the only night Steve can stay up with me due to him working it’s a real shame but I’m not great company and I leave him at just after midnight, poor Steve.

Now it’s not all bad as I did have a lovely day and lots of laughs with Bee, Tee, Shobs, Ish and of course my Troy Boy. Troy is my Operations Manager at work. It’s weird that he is in my home but it’s so lovely to see him. His sister had bowel cancer and survived and is now cancer free. We had a great time reliving fond memories of a troubled working relationship but one of respect now and fun times spent together. As I have said before I’m not the easiest of bosses, I’m demanding, a perfectionist, I’ll check everything until I can trust and probably a 100 other annoying traits that past and present work colleagues would add to the list. In my early years at Kingston I had pushed and pushed and pushed Troy too hard, questioned everything and drove him mad. One late afternoon he came into my office (lucky for me I was sat down) he threw his store keys at me shouting “I’ve had a fucking nough of you” and walked out. I ducked quickly to avoid the flying keys and was worried that I pushed my poor Troy Boy too far. Troy stormed out and followed by Ish and they went to the pub. Troy calmed down and sent me a text which I never got. After  a few hours and the store ready to be shut down  as I hadn’t heard from Troy I had to report to Julie (Regional Manager at the time) what had happened. Troy returned the next day and we agreed a way to work together. We often laugh about that day. It was the start of a new working relationship which over the years has always been bumpy shall we say but mutual trust and a deep understanding of each other as it’s foundation.

IMG_4057Here is the famous chemo gazebo shot of us all and I found a boxing glove which adds to the shot I think lol. I think Troy secretly misses me at work and my constant demands. When you work with people for years there is no hiding and some of us bond and some of us don’t but like the relationship I have with Mr Grump Bum, Troy and I have a loyalty which is irreplaceable. Troy brings me a 4 pack of Stella, he knows the old Wendy too well. Two bags of Nero’s coffee beans courtesy of Linda, cheers my good friend, miss you and our 4.30 chats. Tee and Shobs brought me a flower and a bottle of Millionaire perfume, thank you so much as now I can smell lovely. I am also stocked up with flowers, biscuits and chocolates again, I am so lucky and very grateful of their presents but I just want to share moments with people and gifts whilst lovely are not as precious as the people who bring them.

Now this one will make you laugh. As Richard is not well and he is going to the chemist he asks if we want anything so Steve quickly says yes following my telling off on Friday with the Oncologist that I needn’t be in pain. Steve tells Richard to get me some Ibuprofen liquid tablets as these work for me. Guess what he returns with? Ibuprofen liquid in a bottle and on the box is a picture of children with the words ‘safe for children from 3 months to 12 years’. Now there’s a LOL moment he won’t ever live down at home. Back he has to go to change it. Now I know he has no idea of the pain I suffer as I like to hid it from my loved ones but I don’t think his choice of pain killer would even touch it, bless him, he tried.

After Friday’s news on the possible fact that I may not be here to draw my pension, go senile and wet myself, ever have a free bus pass or a telegram from the Queen time takes on a whole new meaning and my constant thoughts of not wanting to leave my life, wanting to always be with my loved ones, sharing precious memories fills my days. It makes me sad that I may never see my kids marry or know any grandchildren. That Steve and I will never retire together after working full time (apart from pregnancy breaks with my kids) since the age of 15. The times we have discussed this as I’m sure you all have, what you will do in later life, which one of your kids will have children first etc. Now that may all be taken away from me and it makes me so sad.

I also really worry about Molly as she is only 3 years old. I talked this through with my mom on Molly’s first walk on Saturday morning. We discuss having her re-homed with another family as a dog is a massive commitment that Steve didn’t really agree to and Rebecca whilst she walks her daily and loves her too may not want her or to continue to live with Steve, mom can’t commit to her and Richard’s Army life and the times spent away from home would not be right for Molly. It breaks my heart as Molly is happy with her life, loved so much by us all so I even think that having her put down could be an option. Steve has agreed that as long as there is someone to walk her then he will keep her in the family home, her home. This means so much to me, thank you Steve as I’m sure people will offer to help out and mom will always dog sit for holidays.

I’ll share with you all  a nice but sad true story. One day shortly after my dad died I was in the car with Rebecca, she was about 7 years old and don’t you just love how simply kids look at the world. She has been told that Grandad couldn’t be with us anymore and that he is in heaven with Jesus but he can’t come back to be with us. Rebecca asks me if she can go and visit her Grandad with Jesus in heaven, I have to try to explain that it doesn’t work like that and that we are not allowed to go and visit them (I’m struggling to make this make sense to me let alone a 7 year old) she then says “but I’ll be good mommy” Now don’t we always use the ‘be good and then we will see’ line on our kids all too often and now poor Rebecca thinks that this is how she can get to see her Granddad again. She continues with pleas of I’ll be good and quiet and I won’t be naughty, please mom can I go and see him. A simple request from a child and as parents we would if we could grant them any wish but this wish is sadly out of my control and I can’t make my daughter’s wish come true, who through her pleas is breaking my heart. I try to explain again and again but in the end I had to revert to the old mommy trick of diversion and just change the subject. Probably about Mr Blobby as Rebecca loved Mr Blobby and singing the song normally worked every time.

IMG_4067At least Sunday almost went to plan, all awake except Richard who didn’t return until the wee hours from the wedding . Homemade McDonalds sausage, bacon and egg bagels made with an extra plate of egg for Molly as it’s her favourite. Richard finally wakes up but only after we sent Molly into his room and he looks shocking LOL. We all go for a family walk with Molly over Whiteleaf Hill, a local beauty spot. On our return I treat everyone to a McDonalds milkshake, well I had the Iced Coffee Mocha Frappe. Now this tastes so so so good to me, for many reasons, because I can actually taste it, it’s cold which is so nice after two weeks of not being able to drink anything cold and it feels normal, normal family going through the drive through without a care in the world after a family walk, who would ever know the truth hey.

Home again I sleep and Steve, Richard and Rebecca play MarioKart and I wake to hear Rebecca laughing, how wonderful. Roast pork is cooking courtesy of mom and tonight for curfew time is Richard’s choice and he wants to watch Schindlers List, a cheerful film LOL. So that’s my family weekend coming to a close. Thanks to Rita and the Methodist Church in Kingswinford who I know will be praying for me amongst others. I’m worried about Rita as her messages have not been the same since Friday’s bad news. It’s okay Rita as I’m strong and humour will see us all through. That, drugs and prayers hey.

Emma is coming to see me tomorrow to do work stuff and I’m looking forward to seeing her again. So enjoy the rest of your weekend, like me sharing precious moments with loved ones.



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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

20 thoughts on “I’m Back :-)”

  1. Your strength amazes me.

    Your posts are such beautiful things to read but the last few have reduced me to tears.
    Yes. Warts and all Wendy it has to be done to give us all that understanding and knowledge which is kept silent or not spoken about as its a taboo subject.
    Your blog is helping people and this is such an unselfish thing for you to do. The taboo subject is no longer that.
    You’re a remarkable lady Mrs Guy! Xxxxx

    1. Hi Michelle and thanks but I don’t consider myself remarkable at all. Warts and all this story has to be told, the good the bad and the ugly. I actually enjoy doing it and making you lot laugh and it’s comforting to have you all on my journey with me, so thank you actually 🙂 xx

  2. I’m back too
    You gobshite you knocked the wind out of my sails on Friday 🙁
    Apologies xxx

    So pleased you still had a lovely weekend no matter the plans x
    Just been to Holy Pineapple ( we called going to Mass ) Holy Pineapple as children, my dad started it lol
    With 8 of us Quinn’s we were like the Waltons marching up the chapel Ave every Sunday Morning 🙂
    And confessions on a Saturday were I had to give great consideration what sins I would tell my parish priest and which ones I’d keep to myself tee hee
    ( We lived in a large semi detached house and our parish priest lived next door!!!!! )
    I used to go into the confessional box on a Saturday and say “Bless me Father for I have Sinned”, and he would say yes Rita !!!!!!! He would always recognise my voice !!!!! So no advantage here lol
    Why did I come out with all that shite !!! I think it’s because your blogs are a little like the confessional warts an all x
    It’s admiration my dear friend
    Love & Hugs always xxx

    1. Oh Rita, Welcome back, as I know you were feeling my pain in the news on Friday. Come on my Rita I need you with me everyday! Great comment and yes it is like a daily confessional.Your poor family priest had his work cut out for him hey lol, bless you and welcome back my angel xx

    1. Hi Tammy, I’m not I’m just trying to get through this shitty disease the best way I can and believe or not I enjoy doing my blog 🙂 Thanks for your message xx

  3. Glad you had a happy weekend, seeing Troy Boy, Bee, Tee, Shoban and Ish. Let me think who could be running late, Isshhhh you are always late!!!!!!!!!!
    Shame plans didn’t work out and you missed your Nando’ s ending up with some make do Chinese, Isshhhh naughty boy! Ha ha ha.
    Have a lovely day seeing Emma tomorrow, I know it’s work stuff but I also know you will enjoy it.
    Hope Richard feels better soon.

    1. It was Ish but he lost his wallet and over £200 so he can be forgiven. Life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to though hey. Looking forward to seeing Emma tomorrow 🙂 xx

  4. Hi Wendy
    I shed a little tear tonight. I don’t like to think that these blogs will come to an end let alone you never being a nanny. I look at life through rose coloured spectacles at times and I know the reality of death being guaranteed for each of us. But when we’ve all had atleast 90 good years or more. Hmmmmm. If only eh?
    My dad was only 59 … no age … he dropped me off at work went to play golf and I never saw him again. Massive heart attack. Better that way than suffer they say but devastating none the less. So for 20 years this year I’ve lived with just my memories. My youngest Lucy never met him and Amy doesn’t remember him so sad.
    Anyway back to you.
    Never ever give up hope even on the darkest day. I don’t know if God will help or if He exists but I’m all for the power of positive thought. So I send positive thoughts to you. If He is listening then God give Wendy a bloody break will ya? Shrink those bloody tumours and give her family the strength and courage to cope with the shit days AMEN

    1. Wow what a beautiful comment that will stay on my blog for all to read forever, including my loved ones so thank you. I sorry that you lost your dad and that you like I miss that they can’t share in the joy of our children. You are right though what a way to go, little suffering but it’s the ones left behind after a loved one is lost that really suffer. Much love to you and thank you for such a lovely message again xx

  5. Love you x
    I knew you would be thinking those words I think them for you too and that’s what makes me sad, so then I stop to think how can I make you smile just for a moment, I won’t stop trying this I promise you, I think you are so brave to write those words and love is trying to be your cure keep having those special moments love & Juddy hugs XxxX

    1. Wow a comment from my longest ever best mate, I’m impressed that you got the hang of how to leave a comment or did Beth have to help haha xx

  6. The way that you relish each and every moment is a lesson to be learned by those of us who rush through our days without stopping to “smell the roses”. Savoring the little things, your empathy towards others, your incredible fighting spirit and your enormous love for family and friends (Molly too) make your soul shine out for the world to see. You are such inspiration!! Sooo grateful to have found your blog.

    1. I grateful that you read it and Molly Moo is just such a special dog, everyone loves her 🙂 thanks for your lovely comments xx

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