Do you remember that advert? Sadly again due to my age you will only get it if you were born of a certain decade. Well it’s Friday and the weekend is almost upon us but first back to last night.
So my tummy pain started at midday and raged on and on and on, I even took pain killers and didn’t walk Molly so you know I’m not good. I only had an omelette for tea and I keep showing Steve my ‘bouncy castle’ tummy as when it swells up I look like one or just 7 months pregnant. I think it’s wind as wind can be painful and that’s what I thought the cancer was back on that very 1st night of pain just 6 months ago on 26th January.
Steve tries to get me to take more pain killers so I agree to take them before bedtime. Now prior to chemo and cancer in general I liked a beer at night. Steve would always be the sensible one and me I’d sometimes have one too many if it wasn’t a work night. Whilst on chemo I struggle to finish even one beer some days and we only buy the very small bottles now too. It’s curfew time and Rebecca has chosen to play the music quiz tonight, now Steve always wins at this and that’s fine. Rebecca and her nan team up and I wobble into the front room. I ask Steve to make me a lemonade and lime, he suggests a shot of vodka goes in it, okay I said. The game played and of course Steve won and I drank my drink.
Steve and I go into the kitchen and Steve pours me another. Now he has been very heavy handed with the vodka as he hopes that it will help with the pain and it has. I drink another one and the relaxing of the pain is lovely. I have though become so tired and it’s only 12.30, I have to go to bed but worried I’ll be awake at 3 am. For weeks pre and post operation I had to sleep like pregnant women do with a pillow to support their tummy and that’s me again last night spooning with Steve with a pillow to support my bouncy castle.
Well it worked, forget medication go and get vodka I say. I wake up and it’s 5.48 🙂 that’s a good night’s sleep for me. The tummy ache has gone and I would be still asleep but I’m woken by the pain of the tumour/swelling in my groin. FFS! with if it’s not one thing it’s another, I get so sick of being sick.
Cat fed, no sign of Molly for breakfast as usual, coffee, 1/2 biscuit and a fag later and I’m okay. It’s Friday 🙂 it’s pay day, it’s Richard coming home day, it’s the last day of chemo tablets on this cycle and it’s almost the start of a fun weekend with Lauren coming down too. I just hope I’m well enough. But it’s also meeting Dr Weaver day at 2.20 pm!
Thank you all so much for your messages of support and love, for sharing your own stories with me and for sharing my blog. 33 people shared it yesterday a record number so far and when I check my stats the world map lights up of all the countries across the world where my blog has been accessed from. Russia is back on the map, are you on holiday again Evrim or maybe Putin’s reading this after all, well I have plugged vodka for him as a substitute for pain relief.
So today we have a plan. I’m going to work from home, do the food shopping with Steve prior to him starting work at 12 and then it’s emergency housework with nan and Rebecca until our appointment at 2.20.
Steve and I manage the food shopping so we are all set for the weekend of fun. I return home and the postman has been. I have a lovely card from Denise and the North West team of the BHS family, how lovely is that! I’m feeling the love from so many of the wider BHS family and that’s so special.
Now it’s a funny world small world isn’t it? Today I got a message from Kirsty who was placed in Kingston as a Graduate trainee. She was so lovely to have in our store, the best we have ever had. She was enthusiastic, passionate but too bloody soft and cried most day’s bless her. Anyway she is friends with Richard’s very close friend Craig Parker’s wife Jade, they went to school together. Parker is the one who helped me get Richard back from Canada, he is also godfather to Parker’s little boy, Jack. I will never forget having to make that call to Richard in Canada, he just shouted “get Parker, get in touch with Parker” I was so grateful of his help that day as Richard knew he would look after me. You have a lovely husband Jade and I’ve seen video and photo’s of Jack and he is adorable too. My Love to you all.
At 2 pm Steve and I head for the hospital, typed list and pen ready. As always I’m the youngest one there. I am called through to be weighed, now after my operation I was 61 kg and two weeks ago I was 71 kg but that was with a hoodie on and my Vans, this time I’m back at 61 kg so more cake and chocolate I think is needed lol. I did see Frankie who takes chemo with me and here she is, another stage 4 lady but they can’t operate on her.
I return to the waiting room and we wait, and wait and wait. Now Steve has taken his lunch break for this appointment and we are getting concerned about him getting back to work. At round 3.20 we are called through. Dr Weaver is on holiday and we are seen by a lovely lady who is an Oncologist and part of Dr Weavers team.
Now everything I am about to report for you is guess work only as none of the statistics are me, I am not a statistic. We have to wait until the results of the CT scan which they are going to call me for in 2 weeks time and we will have an appointment to discuss the results in 3 weeks so again everything I now report is a general view.
My facts first – So there are several tumours in my lymph nodes in my abdomen as well as the ones we know about in my neck and groin. She said not to worry about the perennial wall. The metastasis in me is classed the same as it being in many organs as it’s just a matter of time before that happens. There is no chance of a cure but remission or holding it at bay is possible if my cancer responds to the treatment. Other treatments will not be considered until we have the results of the CT scan in 3 weeks time. Other treatment they may use may not work for as many people as the chemo I’m on. She offered to turn the dosage down but I said no as if I can cope and it’s my best chance then that’s what I have to take. She examined my groin and said that on the next CT scan they will include that area too. I have agree to start taking painkillers after a good old talking to from the Oncologist and Steve.
General Facts – People with cancer presenting as mine is have a prognosis of 18 months to 2 years, this is reduced if the cancer doesn’t respond to treatment and extended if it does. It all depends on the results of my next CT scan.
We return home to tell my mom and Rebecca, Richard is on his way home so this post will be late up due to waiting for him, sorry and poor Steve has to go straight back to work.
Now tomorrow Karen’s story will be my post as I’m having family time and I’m really looking forward to it, so I’ll leave you until Sunday with what my mom has made for me courtesy of my lovely Aunty Shelia who gave me the transfer and we brought a piece of wall art, painted it the same colour as the dinning room and I think it works well. Thank you Aunty Shelia and mom.
And finally as ever this is not about me it’s about the people I love family and close friends so if you know any of them please give them your love and support as they need it more than me. I’m okay, I’ll keep fighting and I recall Jo’s message to me last night that said they gave her mom 6 months to live and she survived 6 years! So it will be alright in the end and if it’s not alright then it’s not the end.
Catch you all on Sunday xx