Terminal Trauma

It was agreed that we were going on holiday on 9th May. Steve had managed to claim back almost all of the money from the holiday we had to cancel and nothing was going to stop us now from taking one week, one precious week just the two of us alone together before chemo had to start.
Nothing but the best was organised by Steve for me, priority boarding, fast track check in, the top hotel in the resort and a luxury rental car. No cheap flights with stupid flying times either we were too old for that and no stress was the only thing on the menu for one week.
The only problem with all of that was that I still recovering from surgery still struggled with carrying, lifting, walking and coping with the toilet but like Steve just needed a break from it all, to be in the sunshine, to be us.
At the airport poor Steve had to drag the two suitcases and wait endlessly for me to catch up with him as he walks at a normal speed and I limped slowly behind him. Suitcases checked in we head for the lounge excited and free. Our gate was called and it had to be the last gate in the bloody airport, a 15 minute walk and that’s at normal speed so we head off. The walking and carrying a handbag soon began to pull on my side and the pain of movement was wearing me down. Steve continued to walk ahead and then stop, apologise, wait for me and then set off again. I started to feel like a cripple again, I couldn’t keep up with him and all the other passengers who rushed and pushed around me to get ahead me, ahead of this slow limping woman who was just in their way. I just wanted to sit and cry, I felt a burden and an embarrassment to Steve and jealous of all the able bodied people rushing to get to the gate as soon as they could just in case the plane was going to leave without them.
We were nearing the priority boarding line when I spotted the last toilet sign so I decided that just in case I should go before I got on the plane. I came out of the loo to find Steve shouting towards me to ‘come on’ cos the priority boarding was closing, he just wanted everything to be perfect for me and had planned everything so that it was easy but I hadn’t really walked anywhere for months and I couldn’t go any faster. What the hell was I doing I thought, I can’t go on holiday, I can’t walk for a start, I’m in pain and everyone makes me feel like I’m disabled. I walked as fast as I could for him and finally got onto the plane. The flight was only two hours so that wasn’t too bad, I could at least rest and just sit.
Upon landing we were another 15 minute walk away from the terminal so the same nightmare happened again however to add to the pleasure the moving walkways were not all working and it was a very long walk. The pain just got worse and out came the painkillers.
So this post is aimed at people who rush and push slow people out of their way, the ones that tut at people and the ones that don’t seem to have a moment to live, stop it! I have been one of those such people and I’m sorry for not seeing people in pain or disabled people, I’m sorry for tutting and being fed up with anyone who didn’t walk as fast as me or who couldn’t keep up. Sad but true that you never know when that slow person maybe you, so think on!

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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

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