Shared pain and a trip to London

Yesterday after Emma, Linda and Alison left, and once I’d finished crying, I was in so much pain, you can tell I was ill as I couldn’t take Molly out. Thanks mom for taking her. I’d had the runs all day (never pleasant) and the pain from my back and stomach cramps were just so uncomfortable, I had to sleep. I wasn’t going to mention that I had also planned to meet up with Helen who lost her son one month ago but as she put a post up on Facebook I think she wouldn’t mind me mentioning her. I checked my phone before I slept to see Helen’s message that she wasn’t up for my visit at 6 pm as planned, she had had a bad day.  After posting my blog I decided that she needed to know that although she was having a bad day, that I still cared. So against her wishes I went round.

Her first words were “I haven’t even done my hair today!” Like that mattered to me. I stopped doing mine 6 months ago LOL. It was her and Tom I wanted to see. We hugged and cried and I had coffee whilst Helen enjoyed her wine and the pizza they had planned for their tea. I said I wouldn’t stop but it quickly turned into a 2 hour chatting session. Their grief was open and honest, the struggles they now face together are heartbreaking. I don’t know how hard it is for Helen but I do know what it’s like for Tom to lose a sibling. We shared precious time just talking, just listening, just sharing the pain of loss. I also gave them an update on ‘WackaHarry’ the game we are now playing. Helen’s friend had stage 4 cancer and lived 14 years.

I think I could have been there for 2 more hours but I had taken painkillers just to get up there and without any tea inside me I was getting weak, that’s the constant shits for you, oh my poor bum!

I stopped for diesel on the way home. I didn’t check my phone at all, unusual for me but I wanted peace after leaving them, to think about them as I didn’t know how to help them but I hope Helen wins the lottery is all I’m saying.

I got home and tea was ready, I still hadn’t looked at my phone. Steve had a grin all the way through tea and as we were finishing he said that he had published his post, wow I thought. So armed with a coffee and fag I set about reading his post. Now I’m very proud of him doing this post as he has been unsure about doing it. Sharing himself with the ‘world wide web’. His post is very factual (that’s men for you) and I don’t see the other side of Steve, the Steve I know in his words, the emotions of Steve but it’s a great start and he will do another post as he was touched by the response from people who read it, so thank you all for your kind words for him and for sharing his post.

Steve is worried about my planned day for today I’m going into London, firstly to meet up with Leanne ahead of lunch with Amanda from HR and the Mrs HRH herself. Then I’ve planned to see another very dear friend Lorraine who I worked with for almost four years at M&S in Oxford Street. So I’ll let you now how all that goes but it will need painkillers to get through it all.

Today ends as it’s midnight. I went to bed at 1.30 which is early for me but woke at 4 am dripping in sweat, lovely. I managed to go back to sleep until 6 am. I am looking forward to my day so showered and dressed I head to London. If you have seen Rhod Gilbert’s ‘ Man with the Flaming Battenburg Tattoo’ then you will know what I’m talking about when I say I was going to take a potato with me into London but Steve says I should take my Weeble, so I did and in every photo you see, you have to play ‘spot the Weeble’.

I meet up with Leanne and Mr Moore another pseudonym for you, let me explain. He is called Mr Moore as he is not Scottish but Irish and looks nothing like Roger. He is Mr Moore because having worked for him, he always wants more from you and at conferences he always drinks way more than he needs too LOL. Anyway we meet and Mr Moore takes me into the hotel opposite Marylebone Station. It’s rumored than Madonna has an apartment there. I say to Mr Moore that I can’t go in there as I have jeans on and it’s way too posh but he just leads the way and tells me to stop being so daft. This place has doormen! In the toilets there’s no paper towels you have a facecloth to dry your hands on. You think the music in the background piped in but there is a man playing the piano. So posh, but guess how much they want for a coffee? £6 OMG! 3 coffees ordered we just sit and chat away ahead of my meeting with Amanda and Mrs HRH. The service however is shocking and they could all do with a sharp lesson in service! They were so slow that I was running late for my lunch date. I loved seeing Mr Moore again, he is hard to work for but a pleasure too. We chatted, I cried just mentioning not being at work with my Kingston family, Mr Moore understands and he has is own troubles in life. I jokingly say that I’m going to play the cancer card and get a job with him.

Leanne and Mr Moore
Leanne and Mr Moore
Spot the Weeble
Spot the Weeble

We eventually get to Head Office, Mr Moore and Leanne leave me with Mrs HRH and Amanda. I saw Arlene who reads my blog and I’m glad that she tells my how much she enjoys reading it. You’re now famous Arlene cos your in today’s post. She also tells me that I have another denomination covered as she is a Christian thanks Arlene :-). I’m glad that I don’t bump into Mr Bottom or Mr Muscles as I think I’d never stop crying. Mr Muscles knows who he is :-).

We head off for lunch, I tell Mrs HRH that I’m happy with McDonalds really or Burger King, she laughs. We had a lovely lunch the 3 of us. We talk about life, of course cancer and my journey. Mrs HRH says that she will read my blog, OMG! I talk about everything without crying until it comes to work and my BHS family. I know Mrs HRH gets how important work is to me. I also can’t speak to say thank you for all her support because I would just never be able to stop crying. I consider myself so lucky that I have their support. So as promised to Mr Moore I play the cancer card and it was agreed that I can go into Head Office to make tea and coffee for everyone, one day 🙂 so Mr Moore watch out as I will one day turn up and serve you a cup of tea but I won’t charge you £6 LOL.

Mrs HRH and Amanda
Mrs HRH and Amanda

After leaving them I phone Lorraine who I worked with for almost 4 years when I worked for M&S in Oxford Street. It was so lovely seeing her again. We set off for coffee and by now I really need painkillers however I am determined to make the most of the day as tomorrow when I’m having chemo in hospital I can smile to myself and think about the wonderful day I have had with everyone today. Lorraine and I are so close, she is lovely and although the years have passed with little contact we have such happy memories of working together. We laugh at our past antics together. I could have stayed with her for hours but I know I have to get back. My stomach is starting to swell as it always does if I overdo things and my back is so painful. Lorraine walks with me to Marylebone Station and I have just 6 minutes to get my train so thankfully no time for a teary goodbye, just a quick hug. How long before I can see her again or have coffee with Mr Moore or Lunch with Amanda and Mrs HRH I don’t know but today was so precious, thank you all so very much.

The lovely Lorraine
The lovely Lorraine








I get home to the news that Rebecca and Richards Uncle Pete may have Meningitis, I don’t know what type as I understand there are two kinds. This isn’t good news. My poor children, the worry, the constant bad news about me and Uncle Pete. I hug Rebecca but does that help, I don’t know. I can’t lie to her and say it’s not serious because it is following his brain surgery. Pete we are all thinking of you and sending you all our love and praying that you will recover quickly. Rita can you put Pete on your list for Sunday? Poor Rita, she already has a list for me but Pete needs you too.

Chemo day tomorrow so my post won’t be as long as today’s so you can all enjoy the rest from my ramblings haha.

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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

16 thoughts on “Shared pain and a trip to London”

  1. Well did’nt you have a fine and dandy day today young lady 🙂
    Well Done xxx
    Loving the journeys of Mr Weeble lol
    Of course Uncle Pete is on my List, more candles , more prayers is a given. I can do that
    With you in spirit tomorrow for your next chemo date my lovely, take it easy as I bet your exhausted from all your gallivanting today xxx
    Get to the Doctors as soon as possible and sort that back pain out!!!!!!! Karen has already told you ……………

    1. I know hey, I’ve been treated like a queen today 🙂 I don’t like to excite you but you will defo need tissues for tomorrows post, no bad news just get your tissues ready is all I’m saying 😉 thanks for putting Pete on your list xxx

      1. ok!! As long as it’s not bad news
        I will wait for my next wee read x
        Now go to sleep cupcake, you need your rest ❤️❤️
        Love & Hugs xxx

        1. No I’m making the most of feeling okay and having a cold beer so sorry but I’m not ging to bed, I’ve always been a rebel, you know this haha 😉 xxx

          1. Rebel for sure
            Think I need to pray to St Jude lol he’s the patron Saint of desperate cases, that would be you lol you eejit .
            Night night xxx

  2. Sounds like you had a lovely day in London, it’s funny reading the pseudonyms for everyone as I end up guessing who you are referring to. Think I have got them all right so far! Bx

    1. Well done Brenda, you will have to share your guesses with me privately as we have to protect the innocent xx

  3. Loads of love And thanks to Rita! Im slowly getting there and will make sure im good to see u all in sept xxx

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