Over 18’s only!

First the clean stuff!

I couldn’t sleep again! I gave up at 2.40, woke at 5.10 but went back to sleep and then Molly thought I would love to be woken up at 7.30, thanks Molly.

So I’m up, my head is still swimming from yesterday, and I am tired, I envy Steve and everyone else who’s mind can rest. I feel numb but at least I’m not crying. My mom texts first saying that she is so upset for me, as she, like Steve knows how much yesterday would have hurt me. She sends the wrong emoji sign for crying. The one used for laughing through tears and a fox instead of a dog. This makes me smile. I was grateful for my phone being quiet yesterday and the peace of the evening, thank you everyone. Well apart from Steve (my gay friend) but more on that in a minute. I did speak to Leanne last night as I was sad that I hadn’t seen her, I’d been looking forward to it and I’ve arranged a call with Nicky for tonight 🙂

Then Dawn messages me again just to see how I was. Now I’d been alright for about an hour but I was crying again. I told Dawn that dry eyes were one of the side effects, well it’s not one of mine! I type and cry at the same time but without checking what I’m typing. Dawn said that I had to stop crying soon as it was making me dyslexic and I did laugh out loud when I reread what I’d sent her, LOL.

Another possible side effect from chemo (there are 4, A4 pages of side effects) is that it can bring on the menopause. Now I’m due on today, so that probably isn’t helping my emotions. Now Steve isn’t worried about this as he doesn’t like ‘the pants of disappointment’ and he has been told that HRT can make women into nymphomaniacs, so he doesn’t consider this a side effect but a bonus.

I’m just so tired of crying and just tired in general, yesterday was so hard. I have arranged to meet Mary for a coffee at midday 🙂 and I have pre chemo blood tests to have, joy! Steve wakes and after a coffee he just suggests that I close my eyes for an hour. I slept with Molly under my chemo gazebo and woke feeling much better. I had sent Karen a text as she was due to start chemo again today and I was worried about her. She has decided to delay it for another week and transfer to Dr Weaver, I was excited as I thought this would mean that we would see each other again but sadly not as her treatment won’t be in Wycombe. Will I ever see my fellow cancer friend? I do hope so.

I meet up with Mary who is lovely and we just talk and talk and talk, I look at my watch and 1 1/2 hours has past by. Mary has had her share of ‘ain’t life just shit’ moments and it’s so easy to talk to her. I get more drinks and another hour goes by in an instant. I managed to talk about yesterday and not cry, wow! Thanks Mary for being there for me today.

I go to the hospital for blood tests and as promised there is no waiting for me. As I approach the waiting room I notice that the ‘deli style cheese counter system’ is on number 50. I wave my special red blood bag marked pre chemo and I’m taken straight through. As I re appear in the waiting area and walk down the corridor I sense the jealously of those waiting. If they only knew the reason I’m seen first they wouldn’t swap with me would they?

So returning home, Molly walked I settle down to write today’s post but I have decided that I need to make you all laugh or at least smile so anyone under 18 years of age, anyone who works with me and especially my mom, stop reading now. You have been warned!

Before I move onto the rude stuff, a message for someone very special to me, as I may post funny stuff on here but I am always thinking of you. OMG I’m crying again!!




So last night my gay friend Steve (we all have to have at least one gay friend us girlies) tries to cheer me up by sending photo’s of testicles. Steve and I have worked together and been friends for years now. Most people read my post last night and just left me alone but not him. He also thinks that my blog is so good that it should be made into a film. He suggests I’m played by a young Sharon Stone and my mom is played by Meryl Streep (my mom would like that).

Another dear friend just sent me this message “Fuck you Harry, JUST PISS OFF” now swearing is interesting as my mom never swears, the worst I’ve ever heard her say is “oh sod it” that’s my mom really angry. Now I like to add a little swearing occasionally into my conversations as I think it can add to how angry you are. Now the ‘fuck you harry’ message was again sent by someone who I have never heard swear, ever! so I know how angry she is. Sometimes in life you just have to swear. Now there are some words (well just one) that are on the ‘no go’ list when swearing in anger and that’s the C word and I don’t mean cancer. I don’t use this word ever in anger it’s just not right but when used in humour occasionally it can just make you laugh cos it’s just too rude. So the other day when I was buying a t-shirt for Steve for Father’s day from a website called Shotdeadinthehead.com (check it out it’s so funny) they have a mug which had Steve and I in hysterics, so I had to buy it. Here it is

I have this  on a mug lol
I have this on a mug lol


Now whenever you order stuff off the internet you get put on the mailing list. I have daily emails from Duracell, Park Holidays, DP’s, Airport Parking and Staples to name a few but today I had the funniest from shotdeadinthehead and I think the other companies should learn from their sales pitch as I received this…


My final rude bit is for anyone who knows Steve. I know that some of you that work with him read this, so hello Liz and Graham 🙂 and thanks for your support.

We all have a drawer or a cupboard in our kitchen that contains sweets, biscuits and chocolate. Ours is a cupboard the ‘treats cupboard’. Now I’ve moved the condoms into that cupboard hoping to make Steve laugh when he goes in there. Steve likes a bit of banter and ‘if you can’t take it Steve, don’t give it’ So as proved the other day, Steve doesn’t do anything other than ‘I’m fine’ if asked but he isn’t so if you could, when you see him or speak to him on the phone, or I’ll accept a text message, just ask him how many condoms he has used out of his unopened box of 8! LOL now this I hope will make him laugh.

Mom if you are reading this then you are just too nosy, I warned you not to read the naughty bits didn’t I, LOL – Love you mom xx



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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

2 thoughts on “Over 18’s only!”

  1. I also hate the C word but the mug slogan made me literally laugh out loud.
    Keep laughing Wend…you can beat these harribabes.
    Sending you a gentle hug, and my love to all, thinking of you xx
    Enjoy the ‘power’

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