No pressure then

So I decided to ask my Facebook friends for help by promoting this blog through sharing it on their Facebook sites. OMG I was so shocked at the response. I have a tracker on my blog so I can see if it’s reaching people and wow the power of the internet. I had over 400 views in a few hours from all over the world. Previously I think the traffic was just coming from my mom and hubby lol.

16th June, blog hits following my plea to share it on Facebook
16th June, blog hits following my plea to share it on Facebook

It’s been a funny old day. Even though I was told I couldn’t work I managed to convince Ann (HR) to let me go into my local store to work for a few hours and I was able to take Mary out for coffee, we took a selfie and sent it to Ann to make her smile.

Coffee selfie with Mary
Coffee selfie with Mary

Over the past few days there has been a birth and a death in my circle of family and friends. Firstly baby Jacob was born on Saturday, a new nephew for us and a wonderful addition to the Guy family. He his 9 weeks premature but doing well. The death, I can’t comment on yet as it’s not public knowledge and I don’t wish to offend anyone.
After leaving work I went and delivered some flowers and a card to let them know I cared.
After a sleep cos just being away from home for 4 hours took it out of me, not that I let anyone see that. I just kept the ‘I’m fine’ face on. I finished my last historical post that I wanted to put on my blog and plucked up the courage to ask people I knew to share this blog. I was touched by the messages I received from people I knew and didn’t know. A very kind person called Anne a friend of Michelle’s from school is going to add me to her ‘Race for Life’ list that people wear on their backs. I’ve done the ‘Race for Life’ locally with Rebecca and we did it with pride for my Dad but I never thought I would be relying on others to fund raise to save my life and the thousands diagnosed everyday in Britain.
I have Rita who burns candles for me every week in her Catholic church and Nicky’s mom and dad (dear old friends) who add me to the prayer list every week at our local Methodist church back in the Midlands on Stream Road where I attended and my children were christened. So I have two denominations covered LOL.
Another friend sent me a message about flowers in grief and I agree with her thoughts on this. We all feel the need to send people flowers when we want to show we are thinking of them. Actually what we should consider is buying them a good bottle of wine or a packet of fags, a good point well made Jo. Today when I dropped off flowers to my friend who has sadly lost her child I did actually think I’d rather post a packet of fags through the door, at least she would enjoy them and it might just make her smile briefly through the grief. Sorry to any kids reading this as I shouldn’t promote smoking (that’s Health and Safety covered again). I also hate ‘With Sympathy’ cards too as they never contain the right words to express how much you wish you could take all their pain away for them. So I, like so many of us stare at the inside of these cards and just think, oh shit what the hell do I write to make them feel any better? Like most of us I rehearse what I’m going to write in my head and it sounds okay up there, but when it comes to actually writing it down I just go for short and sweet in the vain hope that the receiving person gets what we were trying to say. What I always want to write in these cards is ‘ain’t life just shit sometimes’ but I don’t.
So no pressure then in terms of this blog. I have to keep it real and up to date if I want to help others. So back to cancer it is. The chemo side effects are completely liveable with now and I’m used to them and the way they make me feel. Of the pages of side effects that are possible in the leaflets I have experienced a few of them and with just 3 days to go to finishing round one I’m upbeat and I know that I can cope. The side effect that I didn’t expect was weight gain, I’m putting on the pounds and I don’t know whether it’s the steroids or the large cartons of cranberry juice I’ve been drinking everyday, whoops! I looked at the calories today on the back of the carton and was horrified to discover that I was drinking half of my daily calorie allowance in cranberry juice and having normal food on top. When I told Steve he just laughed and said “have you not seen the amount of calories there are in beer? but it’s the juice that has to go, you have to get your priorities right in life and who wants to be fat and sober, not me!
The other sad thing today was buying a ‘Father’s Day’ card for my hubby. Anyone who has lost their dad will get this. Oh what I wouldn’t give to buy and give my dad a card on Sunday or just to have another 5 minutes with him. Life is bollocks! when I was 16 I thought I knew it all, When I was 18 I thought I knew it all, at 21 I thought I definitely know it all now, and so it went on as did the years. The truth is life teaches you some lessons too late. Loving people, showing and telling them how much they mean to you, or just taking time out of your busy life to spend time with those you love is so important. We all take it for granted that they will always be there, this is not a great plan. One day you will turn around and they will not be there and you mourn for all that lost time. I get jealous of people buying father’s day cards as I want to buy one too for my dad but he isn’t here to give it to. So I like many just let the day pass, celebrate with the dad’s we do know and remember our own with great love and affection.

Forgot to mention that following yesterday’s post you will know that I love the plaster on my neck as it shows the world I have a thing, something is wrong. The photo yesterday was taken for my mate Nicky as I was on the phone to her when Steve took it to show her my wonderful plaster. She said that it was one up from a plaster and could almost be called a dressing, I was happy with that 🙂 Steve took my dressing off tonight and the smallest mark possible greeted him, he burst out laughing at my wound 🙁 it was so small that I have to admit it wasn’t really noticeable at all 🙁 so I’m back to no dressing, no visible sign there’s something wrong and no sympathy 🙁 oh well at least you lot reading this know my pain and I thank you for that.

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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

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