JAK

Jak I hear you say, who is Jak? is this a new character in the plot? and isn’t that spelt incorrectly?
JAK stands for Judith Anne King, my mom. Now everyone thinks that they have the best mom in the world. Mother’s Day cards and all other cards relating to mom’s play on that sentiment. I have a wonderful mom who I love dearly but we haven’t had the smoothest of journey’s through life together LOL and because of that, I can truly say that I love my mom, my friend, I believe she needs her own post page just like Molly does.
My mom was born in (I can’t give away a woman’s age) whatever year and was married to my dad for 36 years before he died. They had two children, first Julie and then two years later me.
Mom was an only child and went to a very good school in Wolverhampton. Mom worked for the Polytechnic (as it was called, back in the day) over looking the Wolverhampton Wanders football ground, in the photography department for 27 years. My Dad was in tyres and later driving with his HGV and PSV. Money was tight I think but as children they provided a happy loving home. Lots of camping holidays, adventures, fun and laughter over the years was had with them and my mom’s parents my nan and granddad. Weekends for Julie and I were spent working for free at the local riding stables as horses were everything. We could only ride for one hour every fortnight but it was just heaven. We were given the option in our teens, did we want pocket money or a horse? no contest and so they gave us our dream, a pony called Bonnie and later we had Czar.
Now all my school friends thought my parents were loaded as we had a horse and due to my moms job I was one of the only ones in school who could not only take photo’s but have them developed. Oh how the world changes hey.
Looking back my mom provided everything for us, we were her world and my dad just used to turn up for whatever event was going on, make everyone laugh and buy the beer.
My mom dedicated her life to her roles of daughter, wife, mother and friend. I don’t remember my mom buying herself new clothes, she never swore (and still doesn’t) she had her routine of cleaning the entire house on a Saturday morning and baking all afternoon. Sunday’s was all about the roast lunch whilst my dad was up the pub.
I idolised my dad too much and yet it was my mom who stayed up sewing either costumes for school plays or making us new clothes. It was mom who planned everything we did. It was mom who attended every doctor/dentist appointment and it was mom who did all the decorating. Every Christmas we would sit around the presents and before we opened them I would tease my dad and say “what you brought us then dad?” as even at a young age I was aware that it was my mom who had organised Christmas, the food and the presents, everything was due to the hard work of my mom. My dad didn’t have a clue want she had organised, bless him. All this and she held a job down too.
Now before you think she is a saint there was a down side to supermom and that was that she didn’t show love, she did everything in her life to show us love in terms of things that she did for us but cuddles, hugs, affection and the words ‘I love you’ were not things she would be comfortable with. I felt loved definitely but affection was missing. My dad would never hold me either, he just couldn’t. When my grandad died I begged my dad to hold me through uncontrollable tears but he still couldn’t do it. I actually can’t ever remember being held by my own dad.
As the years past and the teenage hormones kicked in I fought endlessly with my mom. My sister was just like my mom, too nice and she never caused any trouble, I was like my dad and I’m not proud of some of the things I did and said during those years, sorry mom.
Well we all made it through the teenage years and into our adult life. My sister married on her birthday, 30th June 1990 and as a family this was the best day of our lives so far, we were all so happy.
My mom had won, she had dedicated her life to nurturing a family, playing every role really well and she had a lovely family to show for it. Life was good.
Can you imagine getting to that point in life and then it gets taken away from you? Julie died on 19th February 1991, just 8 months into married life. Our world was torn apart and my mom was never the same.
My dad died in 1997, her mom and dad had also died by then and poor mom was only left with me, Richard and Rebecca. I could write a whole book just on this alone, what happened and how it effected us but I can’t, it’s just not easy to write about even now. You never stop mourning for the people you love and loose, you just have to learn to not cry.
My mom has had to learn to be her again. Apart from the title roles she plays as mom and nan she has had to go on as herself, to define who she is. I think that she is happier now than she has ever been. She enjoys life and the freedoms she has. My mom can now be funny, interesting and above all else loving in her own reserved way. She occasionally tells rude jokes and is definitely more approachable. I can honestly say that I like my mom, I love my mom and I’m proud of my mom. She is hard to get along with at first as she is shy and not a natural at striking up a conversation. I’m like my dad and will talk to anyone. If you have my mom as your friend it’s an unconditional friendship and worth it’s weight in gold but you have to work hard to get through the shy barriers first but once that’s done her friendship will be for life.
So she gets on with life after all the heart ache and shit that losing people brings. She is happy and I have to break her heart again by telling her I have cancer. My mom finds it easier to be with us at this time as her friends know what she has been through and she doesn’t want pity. She is, like us trying to make sense of this cancer shit. I know she probably thinks sometimes as I do, why us again? can sorrow just piss off and knock on someone else’s door please. We have had our share if grief thank you!
My mom doesn’t show emotion and will be with Steve and I on every step of this journey, to do anything she can to help on a practical level. She irons, cooks and cleans, she takes Molly out when I can’t, she does the garden and is a truly devoted mom and I love her for it.
Is she the best mom in the world? No! of cause not, as that’s me, I learnt from the best 🙂