Abuse – Part 2 Sexual

Sexual abuse is much harder to write about as with any abuse it opens up scars and wounds that are better off normally left alone. But ‘warts and all’ here is my story.

I was one of the youngest in my year’s intake and therefore I left school at just 15. I applied for a job as an Audiologist at a Hearing Aid Centre. It was also a video shop next door run my the same man. My duties were to be between the two shops. The owner (we will call him Mr E for short, E for evil) was the owner and he had 3 shops in the Midlands. At first he was lovely, he told me he would teach me Audiology and Acupuncture. Everyone was so pleased for me as I had left school, got a job, which also had career prospects, and the wages were £36 pounds per week, which at the time for a first job was amazing to me. He was really nice and gave me study books to learn from and included me in all appointments, I had a white coat to wear too like a doctors so I felt special, medical even. I soon got to know the others who worked at the other branches via the video side of the business and I was both shocked and fearful as he seemed to sack people quite easily and normally just before they came up to their first years service as after that they had employment rights, or so the rumours went.

Sex abusers prime their victims; they start off slow and subtle with maybe just an arm around you, telling you what a good job you have done. The odd hug of appreciation that lingers too long so you feel uncomfortable but there is nothing really that you can complain about. They then put you in a position of power, so that you feel important. They make you feel special, buy you gifts, take you on trips and although you know it’s not right you just keep telling yourself that they are just being nice and that you are being silly with your concerns.

It was a long time ago and I can’t remember when or how it turned sexual. I know that it was awful; I was ashamed and felt dirty again. But what could I do? With friends and family proud of me, who could I tell? As the person being abused because no one knows about it you also pretend it’s not happening. You try every trick you know to not be alone with the person. Anything to avoid it happening again, from pretending to be ill to lying about appointments due into the shop. But the abuser becomes a master of their art and the manipulation and threats make you fearful, so you just submit as no one knows. So I put up with it until I could find a way out that everyone would believe. I used to count the takings from the 3 shops every week and I was in charge of the banking once I had sorted out the staff wage packets, I was only 16! I would steal from him every week, not because I wanted the money but because I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. Months and months of this went by until I finally decided to leave and become a hairdressers receptionist. I can’t remember the excuse I made to my family and friends but I had to get away from this evil man. He had a girlfriend called J and she had a niece and nephew. He was divorced and I often had to meet her and pretend that everything was okay. I wondered if she knew, I wondered if he was doing this with the others that worked for him as so many in the months that I was there were either sacked or left. Were they sacked because they wouldn’t let him abuse them? I often wondered. And the ones that left, did they go because they had more courage or sense than I did?

Years passed and I told no one. Then I met my best mate Nicky who I told for the first time when I was 18. I had hidden the abuse, the dirty feelings, the disgust within myself for years. She was shocked but it was good to talk about it. I also told my boyfriend at the time who wanted to just go and kill him. By 18 my own sexuality was at rock bottom, no confidence and I was scared to do anything, my boyfriend used to call me frigid and I was.

After first meeting Steve and him being so devoted to us from the start I remember telling him that I’m not the person that he thought I was, that he didn’t know the real me. Again if you have read yesterday’s post you will know how I built a wall of confidence around me. People saw a confident, sometimes flirtatious, self opinionated, energetic woman who was self assured. They didn’t see the real me. The me I hated for the early years of not being strong enough, the dirty, disgusting me who I viewed as no better than a prostitute as I had stolen money in revenge for sex.

As time went by and our relationship grew the more I opened up to Steve and I told him about the abuse. He said that I should report it. I thought that he was silly as it was from when I was 15. In the days that followed that conversation played on my mind, should I report it or would they think I was either lying or silly to even say anything after all these years. I remembered Steve’s words of encouragement when reading in the local paper about a swimming instructor who had been abusing his pupils. So with Steve’s support and whilst the kids were at school I phoned the police. I told them my story; they said that the department was busy and that someone would call me back within a few weeks. I was happy with that and continued with my day. Within half an hour the head of the CID was on the phone to me. Four other peoples’ complaints against him were being investigated at that time, they said that his abuse spanned over 40 years of children and young adults. In his earlier years he ran a Judo club where he had access to young children. He also abused his niece and nephew, which J must have known about as she gave him access to them.

A policewoman came round that day to talk to me and they arranged for me to give video evidence at the police station. I went of course and gave my evidence. I drew a map of the shop, with details of his underground safe were he kept rude photos. I was asked if I ever said no to him. This was a hard question to answer honestly as in my head every time it happened I was screaming, ‘no no no no no.’ but did I ever say it? No I don’t think I did, not out loud and I couldn’t bear false witness so I just told the truth. After the interview I was told that sexually I was still classed as a minor until I was 18 years old. More importantly the policewoman who I never knew the name of said something to me so powerful that it changed my life. She said “YOU WERE NOT WRONG, YOU WERE WRONGED” I have never forgotten these words and I started to finally forgive myself.

Mr E was arrested on my evidence and he faked a heart attack, he got a top specialist to deem him not fit for trail and he has never faced justice for all the lives he ruined. Now where’s the justice in that? One of his shops still continues to trade and he is still free to do whatever he wishes. The bastard.

So there you have it ‘warts and all’ If you have suffered any form of abuse you will understand and connect with the honesty in this post. I’m sorry if anything I have shared with you has made you sad but like illness, abuse either physical or sexual, you are not alone and you can forgive yourself.

We all have choices in terms of how we deal with life experiences, don’t ever let yourself be a victim, take control and learn to love yourself for who you are.

My final comment is to thank Steve for his support, love and understanding through this. He has allowed me to be me, he encouraged me to take control back and be the person I always wanted to be and not live feeling ashamed or disgusted with myself, thank you my Mr Wonderful xx


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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

22 thoughts on “Abuse – Part 2 Sexual”

  1. Thank God for Steve <3 giving you strength and self belief to do the right thing by you and others to report this evil Gob Shite. He will get his come uppance sweetheart one way or another be it in this world or the next.
    I really believe in Karma so forget about this piece of shit, don't give the bastard rent free space in your memory he doesn't deserve it and neither do you xxx

    Now that you have included it in this your journey use it as a final door closing honey, I feel sure this will be tough on you revealing it and your mum as she will be asking herself if she had done everything as a Mother should to protect her children xxx

    I hope you have had a wonderful time with your friends & family and you weren't in too much pain xxx

    Tomorrow is the next chemo session and I pray with all my heart that it is a success xxxx
    You will be in my thoughts as always <3

    There is no Catholic Church or any other church here in longleat but fear not 🙂 my sister Frankie Freckles 🙂 took care of candles & prayers at Mass for us in Ireland xxx

    Wendy you are an amazing woman blessed with a Mr Wonderful & he will with your children and Mum see you through this battle, also you've got all of us right beside you all the way xxx

    Love & Hugs Always xxx

  2. …. even worse than I’d anticipated. :0(

    Wend, this “Mr. E” may have avoided prison, but I’m sure there’s more than one type of justice – and you know what is said about “Karma”…

    Through tear filled eyes, I ask myself if there’s anything in your life you HAVEN’T been through. The fact that you’ve come through everything even HALF sane is a miracle in itself.
    Your strength, courage, determination and pure grit is apparent in every single posting of your blog, and can only be an inspiration for anyone living through dark times.

    I’ve never met anyone quite like you Wendy.
    I’m proud to know you.
    ❤️ x

    1. Thanks you so much, it hasn’t been easy but bad shit happens to us all but it’s how you deal with it that counts. Thant’s the message that every should take I hope. Too many people think life owes them and they feel sorry for themselves. I hate that in people cos life isn’t perfect is it. I couldn’t have faced my fears until I met my Mr Wonderful, everyone needs a Mr Wonderful in their life xx

  3. I feel your pain, why do shit things happen to all the good people, cut a long story short, I’ll skip to the ending of my story, I faced him more than 16 / 17 years later, no longer was I the one who ran and hid when ever I saw him, I walked passed him with my head held high and he was the one that didn’t know where to get and didn’t know where to look, it still took years of illness with panic and nerves, I eventually started to go to counselling when I had my second breakdown in 2011, half my life I had let him control my feelings and now I was there ready to talk, I was into my 3rd session and I found my cancer, that’s it I haven’t been since I haven’t needed to,
    I will tell you this, the day it all came out when I faced him and his wife, she ran out crying, ” ow no not this again I can’t take it any more, at that he ran after her, mom wanted me to report him but I couldn’t do it, but me bringing this up and telling my family it opened a whole tin of worms, my brothers were abused too, they never said anything, not even to each other, a man at the swimming baths where they went on Saturday Mornings, a bald headed man used to take them to the changing rooms and you can guess the rest, they never knew each other we’re going through the same thing at the same time, they were told not to tell or mom and dad would get hurt, my mom was distraught that she never knew, my brothers swore that if they saw my abuser they would kill him, but I don’t think anything happened, well they never said anyway, sorry for going on, good to get things off your chest isn’t it, and this is why I was quiet at school and never really mixed, I do wish I could turn the clock back,
    Love you sweet, again it was great to see you, xxxxxxxxx

    1. Oh my God, so much suffering in one family, that’s so hard to read about. good for you for comforting him and holding your head high, that takes real courage. Abusers get away with it due to the guilt and shame the person who is abused carries around with them, some people never get over it. I say don’t be a victim, walk tall and fuck them as they will have to answer one day for what they did. Thank you for sharing your story with me as hard as it is to read xxxx

  4. I have learned so many things about you Wendy recently which I never knew had happened…well done you for reporting to the police and hopefully one day he will get his comeuppance…hope you had a great weekend and hope you haven’t been in too much pain…thinking about you tomorrow good luck with your next lot of chemo…lots of love xxxx

    1. I know and I’m sorry but it’s stuff that no one talks about because of the shame. I definitely wasn’t the ‘perfect cousin’ hey lol It was hard to write about it all but I’m glad i did as it may help others xx

      1. Bless ya…you did the right thing telling us all about your experience it must have been so hard to do…although it’s hard and upsetting to hear I’m sure you are making a big difference and helping alot of people out there…very proud of you xxxx

        1. Thank you so much for your support. It wasn’t easy but it’s done now, out there for everyone and no more hiding hey as that’s what abused people do, hide their shame. Love you my perfect cousin xx

  5. FUCKING HELL!! (you bloody hid that well)
    Not sure what to say here, from my perspective the fact that you never said anything at the time, probably saved me from a murder charge.

    On the other hand as someone who had to deal with physical and mental abuse from young a age, I thank god you told someone, because not facing it, damn near ruined my life.

    Keep taking the pills Sweetie 😉

    Tony XXX

    1. that’s deep Tony! about yourself that is, what are you hiding hey? Don’t worry I won’t push you. WE all carry demons around in us but it’s how we deal with the bad shit that matters. You take care my lovely xx

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