The Ta-Dah moment

So you are all saying “Where is it”? Why isn’t today’s post called ’50 Shades of Chemo’ Some of you may have seen where it is on my site and will not even bother reading this but for the rest of you I will tell you where it is at the end of this post so that you are forced to read about my daily ramblings, cruel aren’t I or maybe I’ve become dominant LOL

So why is today’s post called the ta-dah moment? Because I’m a bloody idiot sometimes, that’s why! I like to think as we all do that we understand the technology at out finger tips but sometimes the simple things pass us by. Many of you have said that you don’t get to see by blog until Steve shares it. Now I thought that it was you lot either missing my shares or you didn’t bother reading it, which is also fine. Leanne BFF, tonight pointed out that I don’t actually ever share my own blog! It appears on my timeline but not on yours, so for the past 6 weeks now I haven’t even been sharing it with you all, now don’t I feel a right tit? I thank everyone who shares it everyday, and still do but to all of my friends on Facebook unless you were connected with Steve would never have known that my blog was there. I am sorry and slightly embarrassed. This has also caused Leanne to have another reason to take the piss out of me, forever OMG!

The other ‘ta-dah’ moment should have been when I gave the store managers today an actual hard copy of the project work I’ve been working on throughout the past few weeks. I wasn’t nervous at all about presenting it or their feedback as it’s a good tool that will be provided for them for peak trade set up and delivery. I know the subject matter, I can answer any questions so what could possibly go wrong??? Well you know what I’m like FFS! I left the copies of the main all important documents that I’d printed at home and Guy had to rescue me using old copies that we had previously worked on together, What a right tit again! I blame ‘chemo brain,’ oh the shame of it. Once home I had to email Guy with the up to date version so that the team had even the first clue of what I’m going to produce for them 🙁

Leanne BFF asked how everyone was with me, a good question that I didn’t know how to answer actually. The meeting was planned around my chemo free week but had to be moved. I struggled to walk, stand and talking for long periods, trying to be the old jolly me was so hard. So how does that make people feel towards me when they only ever saw me as a tall, loud, overbearing woman who walks at the speed of Zola Bud turn into someone more like Mrs Overall? I have no idea. I do look well I know that and I still have my hair, that helps I think. Do people still feel uneasy as to what to say to me, I don’t know. Everyone in the BHS family has been wonderful. I know the genuine hugs of love from the ‘oh shit I never liked her but she is ill so I’ll be nice’ ones and that’s okay too as at least they are also genuine in there own sweet way. I left the meeting before it ended so that I could get home to relax before the excitement of doing ’50 Shades of Chemo’ for you. I was so glad to be back home, relaxed and safe. Glad I’d done it but embarrassed about my pack and worried about Guy and Carolyn as family health worries are written in the laughter of their faces (you can’t kid a kidder) I can see their pain too.

Doing ’50 Shades of Chemo’ was also a ‘ta-dah’ moment/evening for us all. I thought that this would cause great laughter and at times there certainly was laughter at what should and shouldn’t go into it. However both Mr Grey and my BFF finally understood the serious side of the problem that couples face during chemo and also the bigger picture of long term illness or disability. Whilst sexual in nature the conversation was more about emotions, dealing with guilt, anxiety or stress long term and still having a basic functional sexual need.

The 4 of us composed ’50 Shades of Chemo’ and of course a Chinese was ordered (no crispy duck, lol) as it’s hard work all this writing stuff, it was a treat we all enjoyed. I’d been into High Wycombe from 1 pm and therefore by about 10 pm I was struggling with my energy. Steve, Leanne and Rebecca played Mario Kart whilst I slept in the chemo gazebo. Now there’s a friend for you who just accepts that an evening with you will include, sex, food and games but your mate will fall asleep too, sorry Leanne. Once awoken by Steve after an hour Leanne and I stayed up until the wee hours just talking, girlie chats, sharing moments. Mr Grey had to leave us by 8 pm but I did get this photo of him stroking my pussy in the chemo gazebo before he left! Now Mr Vines and Mr Grump Bum will be jealous LOL.

Mr Grey stroking my pussy!
Mr Grey stroking my pussy!

We all really do hope that you enjoy ’50 Shades of Chemo’ It is not meant to offend anyone at all. So if you don’t want to read it then that’s fine. Also if you are under 16 you can’t read it (Healthy and Safety covered again) To our mom’s we are sorry if you realise that we even knew of such things detailed in the information but it was produced only due to the lack of any practical advice from the professionals because it’s stuff that we don’t talk about. If this blog is ever going to help anyone it has to be ‘wart’s and all’ always was and always will be.

For those of you still able to enjoy the full buffet of life then enjoy yourselves and if you do read ’50 Shades of Chemo’ it may just stop you and make you think again of all the starters you could be enjoying again rather than just stuffing yourself on crispy duck 🙂


50 Shades of Chemo‘ can be found on the side menu bar listed as a ‘page’ above ‘About me’ ENJOY



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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

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