The results are in but still no one is talking!

So it’s Wednesday 18th Feb and a week since the colonoscopy. Nicky my best mate since the age of 17 is coming to visit overnight tomorrow as she lives in Peterborough and I had to call her and tell her what we maybe facing, not an easy conversation to have over a phone.

I wait until 4.30 and steal a quite moment in the house to pick up the phone, I’m bounced from colonoscopy department to Mr Mullerat (my soon to be surgeon)  but was told to call back tomorrow, more waiting but I can cope cos I didn’t tell anyone I’d phoned so it was my secret.

Thursday 19th Feb arrives (the anniversary of my sister’s death and the day my mom loses a close friend to bladder cancer) and so does my best friend 🙂 In the morning at 10.30 I’d phoned my Doctors and they said the results weren’t in, that they would speak to a Doctor after midday surgery and someone would call me, they didn’t – more waiting!

At 4.30 I called them again to be told that my results were in and that Mr Mullerat was going to call me, time was ticking away so I called the surgical ward. Whilst I’m on hold Mr Mullerat calls me on my mobile and what followed was the oddest conversation I have ever had, good job my best mate Nicky could hear every word as it was unbelievable and went something like this…

Your results are in but it’s not as straight forward as giving you an answer, I need to see you in clinic but before that we need to do more tests and you will be sent for a CT scan as we need more information, oh and do you have a relative? Yes of course I replied, Oh good he said as you will need to have someone with you when I see you in clinic in about 10 days time!

Well what the hell did that mean hey? I told Steve straightaway and he was outraged, within minutes he phoned the ward back to ask what was going on but Mr Mullerat had gone home for the day, or so they said!

That night we bounced the problem backwards and forwards together, what was going on? Was it good news that he didn’t want to see me for 10 days? Why did he need to see me with a relative? After hours of debate and beer we decided that we would phone my Doctors in the morning as they had got the results.

Friday 20th Feb I’m on the phone at 8.30 am and got an appointment for 10.40. Steve and I set off determined to get the truth, we were against the establishment and their closed doors and secrets, we were not going to be fobbed off this time.

Mr Williams saw us, a young Doctor who I now feel sorry for. I sat whilst he read my notes on the screen of my recent tests whilst I talked him through it (I doubt he was even listening) Then the moment came, was he nervous? So instead of telling me he said “What do you think it is?” stalling for time I think or did he think we were stupid or was he weighing up in his mind if we could handle the truth?, not sure which one it was but I saw red and replied “It doesn’t matter what I think it is or not, what matters is what the results say it is” he looked at me and said “it’s cancer” I cried and Steve didn’t.

In the car park the option was to go home to Nicky and Rebecca or go for a drive, OMG my mom, what the hell do I say to my mom! We went home, I went straight for the coffee machine, Nicky was there with Rebecca in the kitchen, Nicky caught my eye and I just shook my head, she got the message. I think Rebecca saw us and after a minute she went upstairs. Know to tackle my mom who was 100 miles away. So I called Elsie a great family friend who without thought for what she was doing that day drops everything to be at my moms side, angels come in many disguises.

The text comes in from my mom “Is someone going to tell me what’s going on?” Now modern technology is amazing but it’s at times like these that the Find my Friends app is not helpful as she can see we are all at home. I pick up the phone and tell her not to panic, Elsie is on her way to be with her and I have malignant cancer! I can’t remember much else from that day sadly apart from my mom went for a meal with Elsie, Mel and their grandson and they provided the friendship and love that they had always done through the years.


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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

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