TALL – stands for Thanks, Appreciation, Love and Loo

Okay so in that order

Thanks – I need to say a massive thank you to 2 anonymous donors on my Justgiving page and to Janet from part of the BHS family (she runs the most organised, team spirited, cleanest store I have ever seen and inspired me along with Mr Muscles at a meeting one day in her store). Lorraine who I had the pleasure of working with in Oxford Street for M&S. Everyone who shares my blog as in 3 months we have had 58,126 hits. To everyone who has shared and signed the petition for equality in bowel screening. For everyone who has shared the Cancer Free song which has now had 5980 views between Facebook and You Tube.

Appreciation – for all your fund raising efforts. Countess Judd has, like BHS Kingston, decided to change their planned Macmillan fund raising days this week to fund raising for Beating Bowel Cancer. There are rumours from Mr Grumpy Bum that BHS Uxbridge are also planning fund raising. Every contribution no matter how large or small to this wonderful charity means so much to me. Last year Macmillan received Β£215 million pounds in donations from you the public, and for some people they can’t thank them enough and I respect that and their experiences. Me, I phoned them myself, had countless people contact them on my behalf, had 3 doctor referrals and still they didn’t bother! So sadly that was my experience of them, plus don’t even get me started on their information leaflets! To everyone who has contributed to the calendar so far and for the photos due to come in still. To those who have left a review for me on iBooks, now the book has all 5 stars by everyone, now I expected this from my hubby but there are names that I don’t know on there also giving it 5 Stars. If you haven’t given it a review please do consider doing this for me as it will help spread awareness to all – I am sharing a real story about life and not just about cancer.

This Saturday we are doing a local fund raising and awareness day in my home town of High Wycombe. We are starting at 9.30 outside the Library by M&S. Friends from my Lib Dem family have pledged cover each hour until 2 pm. BFF and Sex Kitten will be there. Steve and Rebecca too, I plan to be there between 11 – 3 and Leanne from the BBC charity will also be there. If you live in the area, if you want to join us to help or just if you are just out and about on Saturday come and say hello, bring your unwanted small change too. If you need any help, advice or just someone to talk to about worries or concerns come and see us.

Love – I am surrounded by love and support every day from my immediate family and devoted hubby, from friends far and wide across the world, from readers who don’t know me but have read my story and just care and all of your love gives me strength to keep going everyday. Yesterday I got a private message from a friend and it just made me cry as I read it out to hubby. Now this blog was never about embarrassing anyone but me so I will not reveal who it is from but they will know.

Here’s what I wrote to you on the 27th of May 2015 but never sent: “You may have a long road ahead, but I know that you’re going to get through this Wendy – I just know it. Just like I knew with my auntie. They gave her 6 months with lung cancer in 1989 – She only died last year (and it wasn’t from cancer.) She simply refused to accept it. I think the power of the mind is stronger than any medicine, but the two together can work wonders. x” You still have a long road ahead of you my Lovely, but I believe it more now than ever. This just goes to show that even when it’s so bad that you can’t go on, miracles DO happen. Don’t you ever, ever, EVER give up – we’re all here fighting with you, every step of the way. x

Now this touched me because it reminded me oh how low I was last weekend, that I just wanted an end to all my suffering but that I came through it because of you all. I have received beautiful messages every day. I love it when you have the courage to post them on the blog as they will be there forever and be part of the next book, your words and mine together on a daily record of journey through all of this.

LOO – now as much as yesterday was a fantasic day and it was there is a problem that has been brewing but I’ve not shared it with you all as it’s about my all time favourite topic of going to the loo. Now all of the medication that I take slows the body down, including the bowel. On Sunday night I had to confess to my drug lord that I hadn’t been for days. So that night I took laxatives, nothing happened, slight wind but nothing else. On Monday after being to the hospital I was told this was now getting serious and to take more but if it didn’t work I had to contact them for some ‘rocket fuel’. So yesterday I took more, nothing happened. An hour later as instructions direct I took more and nothing happened. At 11pm I took more and nothing happened. Today is day 6 without any movement at all and my tummy is swelling up. I myself am now getting concerned as you forget that I have a 1/3 less storage area and any extra pressure could cause complications to the surgery site. I will continue today taking them as you can take up to 8 in a day but we may need extra help, ‘oh my days’ the joy of life hey?

Last night I stayed up until 1.30 and last drugs taken I head up to bed. I slept in my normal position with only a mild background ache, you can’t call it pain and I woke atΒ  3.50, that’s 2 hours continual sleep which isn’t a lot but it meant a lot to me, just to go to bed and lie down and not be in agony. I think I only woke up due to Steve snoring which is something that he doesn’t normally do but it woke me up it was so loud. Now due to not sleeping for days I hadn’t had the usual routine to report but today it was coffee, 1/2 a biscuit and a fag as normal. Molly strolled into the kitchen to say hello but no sign yet of Tia (the ungrateful rescued cat) her routine is really out of sync due to the last few days but she will appear when hungry enough.

My wiggy chemo gazebo shot
My wiggy chemo gazebo shot

So after yesterday’s post the more observant of you spotted that as promised I didn’t post a wig photo so as I could never let you all down here are my wig photos and all feedback good or bad is greatly appreciated. The funny thing was that although I have a wig I don’t have a wig stand to place it on, these don’t come free with the wig. On the draining board in the kitchen was the vase that came with the flowers that Rita sent to me when I first came out about having cancer. It was draining as the lovely Louise LoIMG_4531we had sent me flowers for my Birthday and they had sadly come to an end. Now the vase is head shaped almost and now it has doubled into a temporary wig stand too, see Rita how fab is that a vase/wig stand, who knew hey LOL

Me trying to compete with ‘Sex Kitten’


Daisy Den update – day two of platform construction –Β  there is no update as rain has stopped play. It’s rained here all day but tomorrow’s forecast is much better so more photos then.

Spike the squirrel has not been seen due to the extra activity in the garden but I just know that he is watching from a distance biding his time to pounce on Molly’s balls!!!

My Ian Rennie visit was with the lovely Marina, we discussed the success with the pain relief, she is delighted to see me mobile and free from pain. We discuss the DS1500 form which Countess Judd advised me about, she she has already got these forms for me and is sorting all of this out for me. I’m not worried about the forms meaning of end of life as I’m not a statistic and I will continue to work daily with a positive attitude and with your help and love I will take each day, enjoy it as best I can, appreciate the beauty in everything and give thanks for every moment as none of us know what tomorrow brings. I will also continue to spread awareness, to stop anyone else going through this heartache would just mean so much to me.

Marina is very concerned about my lack of ‘movement’ and if I don’t go by tomorrow then a poor nurse has been organised to come to my house to give me an enema!!! What was that I was saying about seeing the joy in every day LOL. So since Marina has gone I have taken another 3 doses of laxatives and still nothing! I have to go today or its up the bum action for me tomorrow.

Once Marina has gone I hit the wall of tiredness and sleep outside in the chemo gazebo for two whole hours, wow in no pain and wake still in no pain. This is just so wonderful compared to the endless days and weeks before we had help from Ian Rennie as they have really taken ownership of my care and work so well with my GP to get me the right combination of drugs to improve my quality of life.

We have just received a call for Wycombe hospital to say that there has been a cancellation and I have my MRI scan tomorrow at 12.10 so that’s good news too. It’s been another good day for me and my loved ones (apart from dealing with the idea of me now being classed as officially terminal) who have been relieved at seeing the new mobile pain free me πŸ™‚

Final thanks to Jane from the Isle of Wight who has sent me a piece of daisy rock and a lovely Daisy card. Also to Josh who is helping us to finalise the photos for the calendar and to Richard’s Army mates who have been game and shown their bums too for the calendar today, the photos are amazing and again I can’t wait to share all the photos with you all and the world.


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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

49 thoughts on “TALL”

  1. Hi Wendy. Sorry we’re not around to help with your HW awareness and fund raising but I’m sure it will go well. LOVE that wig its superb! Remember we are all “terminal”. The probability is that the cancer will get you in the end but when you’re 102 you will have probably outlived the rest of us, lol. Don’t you dare give in before that 100th birthday telegram !! Best of luck with the MRI scan and all the noise those machines generate. Hope your innards sort themselves out without intervention……… Keep a sense of humour πŸ™‚ Keep up the blog, it’s my holiday reading! Xxxxxxxx

    1. I’m not giving in to it for me and for everyone else, together we will live everyday and whatever it brings. I know you would support if you your around but we all need a holiday. Glad you like the wig, fab hey πŸ™‚ I’m going to wear it hair lose or not, I love it xxx

    1. If you are going to conference then you will and we will just have to not cry hey, got the make up and style to rock for two days xxx

  2. Hi Wendy
    I’m so happy you have been more mobile and your pain has been easier to bare. It’s so lovely when you are upbeat but I know behind that sexy pose (love the wig photo) there is an immense amount of worry but yet again your positive attitude will aid your healing of that I am sure.
    I saw on the news that GPs are referring patients who suffer with depression and anxiety on MINDFULNESS courses…so if the NHS can prescribe happiness courses they can bloody well send people for a poo test at 50.
    Don’t get me started on Macmillan you know my thoughts on that subject….I was asked to contribute cakes for their coffee morning oooo my blood started to boil so I said actually no I’m not baking a bloody cake instead I’m donating to Beating Bowel Cancer to that there was no response.
    I have put this on your blog today instead of Private Message as if everyone who normally buys a cake or donates on Macmillan coffee morning does the same as me (those that follow the blog) and gives to Beating Bowel cancer it won’t half boost the coffers.
    Sending love to you from me xxxx

    1. I’m so pleased that you have posted on here as your words will be there forever and form part of book number two. Others won’t know of the daily texts you send me day and night even though we have never even met we now each other. Glad you like the wig and I love your comments on Macmillan, the same as me hey! And I also agree with the mindfulness courses, it’s allimportant but it won’t save them from bowel cancer will it!! I’m up at moms the weekend of 3rd October we will hopefully finally meet up then. Lots of love xx

  3. Glad your in less pain and I hope you manage to open your bowels( think that’s the correct medical terminology for having a dump) before your MRI scan tomorrow. Your wig looks grand and a lovely ash blonde colour too. Xxx

    1. I know I love the wig, I feel dead glam in it. I’m hoping for movement soon as I really don’t want the bum action tomorrow xx

  4. You sound great so glad you have had a good couple of days and keeping my fingers crossed that you remain that way…loving the wig it looks great…good luck with the MRI shall be thinking about you. ..lots of love xxxx

  5. That doesn’t look like a wig, no wonder you have been picked as a poster girl! Hope to see you Saturday if I can get away from a student event at the Uni! One of my colleagues is a Daisy! Love to you and Steve ️Jx

    1. Wow it would be lovely to see you and your skills with the public would be welcome, but I understand if you can’t make it Jx

  6. I love The Wig Honey, it is so you πŸ™‚
    Great use of the Vase lol, good Thinking xxx
    I also love the fact that we have got the confident, happy Wendy on form with hopefully the pain under control, Thank God. Not before bloody time.

    So tomorrow is another big day, next MRI scan. I’ve got my fingers & toes crossed that your bones have not been affected my sweet. I will be thinking of you as always xxx

    I’m working Saturday Honey so Hugh apologies I can’t be there to support you and you great cause X I just know it will be a Hugh success X

    Officially terminal means absolutely nothing at this stage, no one can tell you accurately how much time you have sweetheart, it’s a statistic nothing more. It’s very individual . So keep strong and keep that amazing spirit of yours alive and keep being you, that in itself will keep you Rocking the Daisies.

    So hopefully Daisy Den will be moving forward tomorrow weather pending of course.:-)

    Well Trendy let’s have another good night of calm and sleep just put a peg on Mr Wonderful’s nose lol xxx

    Big Loves and Hugs Always xxx

    1. Glad you like the wiggy look. I love using the vase, it makes me laugh. Having pain under control is just so wonderful I can’t explain it πŸ™‚ knew we would get there. It’s too far for you to travel again and you are no well yourself so no worries about Saturday. You are right I’m not a statistic and I will remain positive. Daisy Den photos tomorrow as sunshine is the forecast πŸ™‚ and I’ll get the peg for Steve’s nose, good idea. Love the bones of you my angel xx

  7. Wow go boss, look at you in that glam wig.
    Glad to hear your stick is redundant at the moment and you are feeling a bit more upbeat. Constant pain such a terrible thing so Waring. Hope you get some sleep tonight, no disturbances, Steve!
    Sorry been quiet I’m in North Devon so everything is upside down, back at the weekend.
    Hope you, go, before nurse appears with enema!
    Fingers crossed for sunshine tomorrow so the builders can crack on.

    1. Glad you like the wig. Sunshine for tomorrow booked for the foundations to be finished and thankfully I have been so no fingers up the bum for me tomorrow :-))) xx enjoy the rest of your break Mat Poppins xx

  8. Two marvellous days seeing my wonderful daughter walking tall with no pain even managing to help with housework!!! So great to see after so much pain hope it continues

  9. Hi Wendy I’m really pleased that the pain has been less today , hopefully they have managed to get to a level you can cope with.
    I’m loving the wig it looks so real !!!! Sending lot’s of love n hugs x x x

  10. hi Wend gritted my teeth today at Weightwatchers as we always have a cake morning with donations, plus an auction of things people bring,felt I had to do something so bid Β£3.50 on a bottle of South African wine, needed some anyway so didn’t feel I was being too supportive……..well, they had the last laugh,opened it thought it was a funny colour bottled in 2000, best before 2006! Down the sink.Thought this would make you smile.
    Glad lots of things have improved for you, long may it continue.Glad I’m not doing the enema,poor nurse after all this time! Bet you’ll lose a stone.xxxxB Fab wig.

  11. Fabulous wig, terrific look. You will be star material at the conference….. Maybe we should do a hand print on the pavement outside the Daventry πŸ™‚ Sorry can’t get across to Wycombe on Saturday, it’s my birthday wknd & family have planned stuff? Hope the day goes well. See you next week xx

    1. Glad you like the wig and I’m defo wearing it at conference, everyone will think I’ve spent a fortune on my hair but then so many readers are from the BHS family I’ll just ‘great wig’ comments all day and not fool anyone LOL. Love the hand of fame idea, we should do it anyone in picture form at HO for all those who have been influential in our business, start with Kate Moss hey lol xx Thanks for leaving me a comment xx and see you next week. Enjoy your birthday xx

  12. Great you had some pain free sleep and awake time today. The Wig looks really good Wendy, will you bring it to the conference? Xx

  13. Wen I’m so proud of you. Always positive !!! Words can’t describe how happy I am that finally you are having some respite. Can’t believe that you are walking normally and going to sleep without too much pain. Amazing. Something must be working. Let’s hope! Your wig looks great. Can you get me one. Always wanted long hair!! Lol. Hope preparations for the daisy den continue tomorrow. Hope you manage to go to the loo normally without intervention before your scan tomorrow. Good luck with that too! Thinking of you always! Loads of love. Xxx

    1. Glad you like the wig, you should get one, no more bad hair days lol. I’ve been but it has taken 6 sachets of laxatives to do it LOL> It’s amazing the difference in pain, I just need to get the sleep pattern sorted out now xxx love to you all xxx

  14. Oh you sexy thing I’m loving the wig so glamour puss you rock it girl, happy the formality forms are all in hand now you can concentrate on creating more special moments I’m so looking forward to seeing the daisy den we want update pictures of the progress, you will be so proud to know ian today shared your story with his team at work and gatwick airport commercial and property department will too now be raising money for beating bowel cancer on their coffee morning on Friday and Ian’s boss started to read your blog from home and emailed ian to say how amazing she thinks you are xx the calendar orders are coming in thick n fast which is so very exciting. I hope you get relief tomorrow as naturally as possible but least it will make a good story for your blog lol love and juddy hugs I will post you pictures on Thursday and Friday for the bake offs I’ve made carrot cake, lemon drizzle, orange and lemon muffins and cake pops so far yummy xxxx

    1. Wow wow and wow – excellent and thank you and Ian so much. Send me the pictures and I’ll put them on the blog and the Gatwick ones too. I need you to also email the ‘M’ photo again if you get my drift πŸ˜‰ we don’t have it for some reason. You will love Richards and the army ones, so excited to get it finished and start taking orders. I’ve been already so no trauma tomorrow for me but it took 6 sachets of laxatives!!! I was shocked when I mention the DS1500 form to hear that it was already in hand for me but thanks to you I was armed with the information. Feeling the Juddy loves big time xxx

  15. Helloo Wendyyyy

    Fantastic choice of hair – not surprised Steve didn’t notice, it is so very much like your own. My expectations were high as I have a friend who wears one and she looks fantastic. It is absolutely impossible to tell it isn’t her own. She takes great pride in getting it ‘head ready’ so I will ask her for some top tips for tip top tresses. If anyone reading this is considering going for a big chop any time soon consider donating your ponytail to The Little Princess Trust – which provides real hair wigs to boys and girls across the UK and Ireland that have sadly lost their own hair through cancer treatment http://www.littleprincesses.org.uk/

    Try not to worry about UTB tomorrow Wendy. My sister works in endoscopy (camera up the bum) and she told me she is never ever embarassed. She does the procedure all day, every working day and told me she is only concerned with getting the procedure right. She always makes an effort to consider the patient may be embarrassed because it wouldn’t enter her head otherwise.

    This is you tomorrow πŸ™‚ xxx

    1. Glad you like the wig, I love it. good plug for the little princess hair donation. I’m okay and I’m lighter now, love the link and thank god but it took 6 sachets of laxatives to move me! xxx

  16. Can’t tell you how thrilled I am to read your are finally getting pain relief. If only they’d gone this route and prescribed this when first mentioned eh?
    Wig is great! Suits you!!


    1. I know all those weeks of suffering and poor Steve having to cope with it all, terrible really but Ian Rennie nurses are just great. Glad you like the wig look, I love it πŸ™‚ xx

  17. Your ‘rock’ing the wig! (had to get that pun in..lol) As your Official IOW representative seem right I should supply the local rock.
    Have to say in my professional capacity that wig looks great….do the NHS offer a trim so it suits your face shape. ..if I was nearer I’d pop round with me scissors to get the fringe sorted and long/short balance you like.
    Glad your pain is now managed and you’re able to get some sleep. Am out of sync having missed a few posts as Wifi not great here but laughed that you’ve named the pesky squirrel Spike
    Love to you all xxx

    1. Glad you like the wig and yes they offer that service too. They don’t do HS wigs now they are all from the internet so anyone caan buy them. Love the rock, excellent idea and the biscuits are ready for me in the morning too πŸ™‚ xxx

  18. That wig is brilliant, it looks so real, not shiny or that look of falseness you get, it really suits you, it makes you look ten years younger great,
    I’m so glad that this pain is getting better, it’s a weight lifted off my mind now, just so glad,
    Terminal, well you could say we are all terminal because each and every one of us has to go one day, we could get run over by a car any thing, it makes you think what is best,
    not knowing, you don’t have time to say your good byes get things in order or anything,
    Knowing, the heart ache and all the sadness, but you do get to say things that you wouldn’t normally and you do do things with your loved ones,
    Anyway less of that crap, I have got you something for your daisey den, it’s not come yet, I think it will go nice in there,
    McMillan don’t get started on them again, I’m never giving to them again, I’ve heard so many things about them, not worth even thinking about them,

    I’m so glad that you are having better days, God bless this new charity,
    Love to you always as ever and take care my sweet,
    All the beat with the scan today,


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