What bloody sleep? One of the many side effects from chemo is the tiredness that engulfs your body and you have to rest or sleep. Chemo sleep isn’t restful, you wake and you just don’t feel any better. Last night I went to bed at 2 am, I saw 3.22, 4.22 and at 5.22 I gave up. At least it’s light and it feels like another day has started. Rita sees that I’m up via Facebook and sends me a lovely message. She has a day of Nana time planned with her grandchildren, precious times.
I have a meeting in High Wycombe store today with Guy so I take my chemo tablets early so that I’ll be as good as I can be. Before I know it I’m asleep again. Yesterday was just horrible for sleeping too. I get that flat look about me that the rest of the family see and it’s just not funny for them. I can’t even walk Molly, movement and walking are just too hard. So going into Wycombe was going to be a struggle. I decide not to drive as I don’t feel safe.
Steve takes me in and every step is just so painful, sharp pains and dizziness are so disabling. People fit and healthy rush around getting to work as I used to and I envy them. I’m greeted by Mary and Ann in store but I hate letting them see me like this. I know Mary doesn’t care but it’s still not nice for people to see. She helps me up the many stairs and we have to stop due to stomach cramps. I make it to Guy and he has worries of his own with his son. I haven’t ever seen him this flat, worried and concerned for his family. So between us we make a great pair. We discussed the forthcoming meeting and things he wanted to add to my presentation. We then concluded that we both needed to go, him to be with his family and me back home to sleep and no movement.
Facebook – I only joined Facebook so that I could stalk my kids, honestly. I had no idea how this programme would change all of us. I message Pete in Australia who says that he is feeling better but he has to stay in hospital for another two weeks to continue to take antibiotics. Not that long ago you would have to take out a second mortgage if loved ones moved to Australia to pay for the phone calls. I’m so pleased that Pete is doing well. Rita’s prayers are working their way to you ‘Stud Muffin’.
School day friends are constantly in touch and this is just wonderful. All those years spent together growing up and without Facebook now how would we stay in touch daily? I also get lots of messages from people I have worked with before and through the power of all of you who share my blog online some of you are reading about my journey with cancer and it brings back memories of suffering that you yourselves have had to endure.
I am also pleased to hear from anyone who is or has been part of my life, from school friends to anyone in the BHS family. I understand the ‘should I or shouldn’t I get in touch’ but it really does mean a lot to me to hear from you.
The Postman comes with another package, The lovely Lorraine has sent me some coffee beans from Nero’s. Thank you so much Lorraine and we can enjoy one together in person soon I hope.
Behind the scenes I am working on some fun stuff for you. 50 shades of Chemo is being done on Thursday night with Mr Grey and my BFF. This however will be a complete giggle session and I hope that we manage to get something down on paper for you. My mom is concerned about my sex tips and keeps asking me about it, how rude will it be, where will it appear on the blog and I think will my mom be too embarrassed to read it? My mom is too nosey so she will definitely be reading it LOL
The other stuff will be revealed in good time but I’m constantly thinking of how I can make your day as writing these ramblings helps me so much. I just want you to enjoy it, share in the bad days and rejoice with me in the good ones. A true reflection of cancer, it’s treatment and side effects so that you won’t be scared if it happens to you or it can help anyone you know going through it. One of the articles that Heather sent to me the other day reflects on her friends and how she laughs at the silly things people say to those with cancer. I have certainly had my rants about these comments made to me in the past. I really did connect with the most hurtful thing people do and that’s not getting in touch at all. You worry that they don’t know or don’t care however I know it’s the ‘What do I say’ moment that strikes fear into everyone. If it’s ignored then it’s not happening. I think every cancer sufferer has played this game too.
Yesterday Jacqui from BHS Head Office posted up a charity event they ran at head office for Breast Cancer and a cream tea was organised. I remember last year at Kingston we did Zumba for this great charity. We had a blast as normal and I got the male members of the team to wear pink bras to raise money too. I remember that day well, not just for the fun we had but I was shocked at how many people came up to us quietly to say that they had lost someone they loved to Breast Cancer. Just silent sadness and a chance to give into a bucket is some way of giving something back to the support they may have received. So as I’m in a flat mood due to chemo I thought you might be cheered up by watching us trying to do Zumba and for my BHS family in Kingston a chance to relive some of those laughs again.
A final quick update: Richard is okay after his motorbike accident and is in Bavaria with the Army adventure training and Rebecca attended her first counseling session which was arranged via the Doctors. She enjoyed the first session and it enabled us to talk openly about her worries and fears. My poor family suffer through this more than me.
Oh and thanks for buying Steve a coke Bryn the other day. A simple act of thought and kindness can mean so much sometimes.