Sleep and Cake

So Steve was going into the office today, so the plan as always if this is the case is that he goes to bed first so he can sleep and not worry about me. I stay up until 12.30 but I’m so tired and head up to bed. I slept until 4.52 am, wow that’s good. I get up and head for the bathroom, clean my teeth and then the runs start 🙁 oh lovely to wake up too. I come out of the bathroom to head downstairs. Now I always use my iPhone for a light so I’m trying to get down the stairs in the dark, Tia the ungrateful rescued cat has decided her new way of trying to kill me is to lie on the stairs so I trip over her, my iPhone goes flying down the stairs and lands luckily bottom side up, Tia is hissing at me I’m in the dark and the runs start again! Right so now I’m pissed off. I manage to get a coffee, 1/2 biscuit and a coffee down me but I feel sick, the morning is just not going well.

I manage to sleep again until it’s daylight and I then head into the chemo gazebo and sleep again until I hear Steve awake and ready for work. He and mom are leaving me today but mom is not going until around until 3 pm. She as ever has done all the ironing, housework, going on errands and walks Molly too for me before she leaves, bless my mom. I however sleep through it all as although I have tried to do some project work I just can’t stay awake. The pain in my back is getting worse again and with extra painkillers comes the need for more sleep or is it just fatigue? As Steve hasn’t heard from me via text at work he is worried and returns home at lunchtime. He has booked a doctors appointment as he has always suffered with eczema  but it’s out of control now. I think it’s stress but the doctor says that there is no connection. He returns home with pots of cream to put on over the next 3 days which should clear it up.

At 3 pm I have visitors Hilary and Ian, old friends via the political life that Steve and I have been part of since we moved to Wycombe. Hilary is great at baking and has put lots of love into my St Clements cake. We sat and chatted in the shade out of the sunshine for a lovely hour. She even brought me two jars of jam which Steve and I tested as soon as they had gone and it is delicious. Thank you so much for both sugary treats and I feel so much better for them.

School Day ‘Top Tips’ – yesterday I said that I was going to recall some of the mad things we did through school. Yesterday I embarrassed Deb with the sunburn story but today as schools are just going back I thought I’d only embarrass myself and give all you young readers a ‘top tip’. When I started at the Crestwood School I decided that I would write all my own sick notes and sign them as my mom as her writing and signature was easy to copy. This I did throughout the whole of my secondary education and it enabled me to have whatever time off I needed. Even if my mom wrote a genuine note I would write one in my own hand to keep up the pretence. I did this until the very last time I was ill and mom wrote me a note so I handed it in as normal but didn’t do my usual copy. At some point in the day I was called to the office to see Miss Woodhall as they suspected it was a forged letter, which it wasn’t but it didn’t match the years of my forged letter writing. I looked Miss Woodhall in the eye and could say with conviction that it was a genuine note written by my mom and if she didn’t believe me she was free to call my mom. I could say this cos it was true. She believed me and didn’t call my mom in the end. So ‘top tip’ is if you are going to do this keep it up for the entire secondary school education, job done LOL.

Thank you to Pauline who donated £20 today on my ‘Just Giving’ page and left me a lovely message too. Donations have been slow over the last few days so I’m going to attach the Cancer Free song again, just to make you smile and to if you haven’t already jog your memory to give just a pound for a fabulous charity Beating Bowel Cancer who have been so supportive to me.

I had a letter today from Macmillan who have acknowledged my complaint regarding not being seen and they blame my doctors although they can see the phone call on their system that I made to them. They are also going to take my comments seriously about their literature. I think it’s just a standard letter that will end up going nowhere however I can live in hope, as for my generation and those who will sadly follow me their information leaflets are not good at all.

Other great news is that we have now in just under 3 months had over 50,000 hit’s on to my blog so the message is getting out there to others. Steve said last night that he is so pleased that I started the blog, that he finds comfort too in the many messages of support he receives from people he does and doesn’t know. That he doesn’t feel alone in the process, so thank you to everyone how has shown any of my precious loved ones support as it means so much to me and them.

So that’s it for today a short one which will please the readers in the bath or on the loo. Some days it’s just hard to keep positive and write stuff down. I love doing my blog but if I’m honest I am now sick of being sick, feeling ill everyday, being in pain. The whole thing wears me down so much. I would have loved to walk in the sunshine today, I would love to enjoy a beer tonight and I would love to not be a zombie with the only topic of conversation is illness and how am I feeling every few minutes. I long to be normal, just do stuff without having to think about it first. Simple things like walking, standing upright or thinking of going to the shops or just to drive my car. I want to pick daisies, just little ones and hope that this treatment will work so that I can do this stuff again.

So if you are tired or just had a hard day, be kind to yourself and put your feet up, recharge those batteries and smile cos you will feel better soon. Look after your health and don’t take it for granted as I have for many years.

Oh and finally no Squirrel sightings for you today I think Tia has frightened them off finally, she is good for some things around the house bless her, so she can stay after all.