So I had great plans for today but the trouble with life and plans is that they don’t seem to work out the way you want them to do they?
So last night Steve went up to bed at around 12.45 following a long trip to the Midlands to visit family. I stayed up to see him and to make sure he got home okay however I would have not have gone to bed anyway without knowing he was home.
Ian Morton a great dear family friend popped round to see me whilst Steve was out but with fatigue and chemo mouth I just wasn’t great company, sorry Ian. It was lovely to see him and just chat together but I always feel sad that I upset people that knew the fun lovely, energetic woman that I was and the mess I have turned into.
So with just two lots of drugs to take and everyone in bed I try to take the laxatives with is a drink, this just wouldn’t stay down and my mouth/face turned into a water fountain for a few minutes, trying to hold onto the liquid whilst my body wretched to reject it. Eventually after sitting for about half an hour I felt better and tried to take the tablets. This took 3 attempts as I kept being sick, now I haven’t been eating much due to chemo mouth and so it’s just bile again. So now I am stuck downstairs covered in sick, unable to get to fresh clothes as everyone is asleep upstairs and I am feeling pretty low as you can imagine.
I remove the sick clothes and sit again waiting for my stomach to calm down. I go to bed at a 2.15 am and I am hoping that I will now sleep until at least 5 am but no I’m up at 4 am, just 1 1/2 hours sleep. I decide to just throw myself into finishing the final stores’ project work as I have to wait to take drugs in the mornings and just have to put up with the pain until 6 am. All work completed and an email with the last 3 stores goes off to my boss around 6.30 am, he must have thought I’d worked all night.
The day starts and my mouth is just so sore all the time and swallowing is difficult. I go to clean my teeth for the second time and then remember the Ian Rennie nurses warning about thrush so after brushing I lift up my gum line to find a terrible covering of white thrush which I haven’t noticed at all as none of this is on the visible part of your mouth. No wonder I was in pain and that must be what is wrong with my throat too. I return down stairs to share my discovery, and mom and Steve both feel bad as we never clicked that it was that we all just thought it was chemo mouth as usual. Drugs have now started as Ian Rennie organised a prescription, bless them they are wonderful and so I’m hoping for that to get better soon.
I wanted to do the calendar reveal today but this will have to be next week now as final sponsor checks are being done. Apologias to you all. Steve has worked so hard on this and we are almost there I promise you and by next week you will be able to pre -order your very own exclusive copy, trust me they are good and worth £7 for the laugh, the info inside and the cheeky bums.
I have suffered with fatigue all day too and I just get so sad and fed up of feeling ill. I was trying to cook some soup earlier and I just had to put my head on Steve’s body and sob, just for a moment, it’s just despair and self pity as I want to feel well again. I look back at things I could do a month ago or two months ago and wonder why I can’t go back there? I wonder how much daily pain and suffering do I have to take. The truth is I have to take whatever I have too to fight this shit disease and to help reach out to others and stay with my loved ones for as long as I can.
Thanks Kim for my card and daisy gift which I received in a daisy card, so sweet the gifts I get, thank you all so much.
So not the day I wanted or planned and certainly not the day I had wanted my loved ones to see again. I am glad I could spare them the sickness but not you guys, you lot are special, you get it all ‘warts and all’ but unless I talk about what chemo is really like, how will others really know?
So happy Friday and I hope that you all have something wonderful planned for the weekend. I will try to post tomorrow for you all but a more interesting one would be nice hey? Something cheery so I’ll have a think for you all.
Sorry again for the short post xx