More rain and less pain

As you all started your working week, daily commutes following whatever you did over your weekend I woke at 6.30. Now that’s good for me. Last night Nicky and I stayed up having girly chats and vodka until 2 am. Which makes it sound like maybe we had had to much to drink but that wasn’t the case, we just chatted as old friends but of course cancer dominated the conversation. Nicky like I struggles to believe that I may not be around this time next year or even reach 49 years of age.

I remember an early post when I talked about my first goal being to outlive my dad who died at 57. Now I think that was a young age to die and here I am in the same boat but with a worse outboard motor and no spare to replace it with.

Following Steve’s breakdown yesterday he feels that he has let me down and that’s just not true. I can’t believe that he has lasted this long. Richard helped Steve yesterday and they both get the anger part of the emotion but there is no one to be angry with.

Last night we went into Western Super Mare as I thought although it’s raining we could walk on the pier. As we drove along the sea front we saw the exhibition of Banksy Dismaland. Rebecca Steve and Beth want to see this but the tickets are sold out. The pier was closed and apart from the queue for Dismaland it was deserted. I completely understand why the British seaside has fallen into decline. We have a beautiful coastline and some fantastic beaches but the bloody weather just makes the whole experience miserable. I don’t mind a little rain but when it never stops and there is no hope of it stopping it’s just so depressing. When abroad I can stay on the beach all day with Steve and a good book. I would have even been happy with dry but cloudy weather as I would have still been happy sat on a beach as long as Molly and everyone else was okay but endless rain is not nice. So after only 20 minutes in Weston we head back home and enjoy a game of Cluedo which mom won. We were then going to play the music quiz game but we have only brought the empty box and the CD is still at home, typical hey? We then played the ‘Yes/No’ game we brought from home and had a laugh at that, I lost as normal.

IMG_4256Everyone awake Steve has to work, I worry as there is no internet here to speak of at all. Like when my mom went to ‘buffer island’ we are in ‘buffer dip’ where you can actually see the 4G signal tower thingy but you just can’t connect to it. We have decided to make the best of the day and visit Cheddar Gorge. We leave Steve to his ‘buffer face’ and as soon as you pull off the site you get full 4G, which is so exciting.

IMG_4257 IMG_4262

At the caves the plan is I stay with Molly so I’m not walking too much whilst everyone else goes around the caves. Molly and I head for Costa’s but I can’t go inside to order and there is no one outside to ask to help me. I give up and walk to the cave exit to wait for them. Nowhere for Molly to run and the rain just keeps coming. Caves done and we go for that coffee in the rain.

Returning back home we have dinner and I go for a sleep. I wake and it’s still raining 🙁 IMG_4263
We play the ‘Who am I game’ which I won 🙂 whilst Steve slept but we woke him with our laughter.

Last night your comments were lovely that you left on the blog. The pressure of having a great time is just too much, just like Christmas we all have hopes and dreams of perfection but life just isn’t like that and perfect is like any Disney film, just fantasy.

My stomach has been better since we had home cooked food yesterday and I haven’t shit myself today so that’s good hey?

I have had a message from Jani from the charity ‘Beating Bowel Cancer’ who has just caught up with my blog. I thank her for her message and does she have any other advice following Friday’s meeting as I’m not beating bowel cancer, excuse the pun. She has sent through a long reply which wouldn’t load earlier and I had ‘buffer face’ again but I will read it and reply to her.

Bathed, cottage pie for tea (thanks mom and Nicky) the sun is shinning and we are off to the pier and Dismaland to pick some more daisies.

Thank you to the two people who donated yesterday on my just giving page. It always make me happy to get a email to say someone has donated. One of the donations is from someone in the BHS family and I am so touched again by the support from the wider BHS family.

Happy Birthday to Chris and Ian plus I keep forgetting to thank Josh (Rebecca’s boyfriend) who is house and Tia sitting (the rescued cat that has never been grateful)



Published by


Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

17 thoughts on “More rain and less pain”

  1. Glad to hear you’ve all had a better day, I bet the banksey thing is good, I’m glad you ain’t shit yourself again too, that always make me laugh , sorry but I can’t help it, I’ve done it three times now and I don’t have bowel desease, so I’ve got no excuse, traffic jams hey, they’ve got a lot to answer for, and also strong pain killers and wine just don’t mix, what a mess,
    Hope you have a great day tomorrow, happy 48th, like others have said, take the morphine and enjoy your day, give my love to every one, thinking of you always, loves ya, xxxxxxxxxx

    1. Hi Tammy, thank you. You have to laugh at shitting yourself hey it’s the only way! Thanks for your birthday message too. Dismaland was amazing, everyone loved it 🙂 xx

  2. Less Pain was music to my ears 🙂
    Thank goodness for that xxx

    Miss Wendywoo, it ain’t over til the fat Lady Sings!!!!!!
    You ain’t going anywhere anytime soon, so best foot forward and concentrate on gathering your strength ready for battle x

    Honey your in England !!!!!! The weather is shite with two days never the same. Whilst good weather does lift the spirits it’s not the be all of your hollibobs 🙂 being with family & chilling is the name of the game x so enjoy each other’s company, keep playing the board games and enjoy lovely food with good chatter around the table x That’s what matters xxx

    Please tell Steve he is being an amazing husband and thank god both of you let go and had a bloody good cry , you have all been so courageous so strong so unbelievably patient willing the chemo to do its job, and then a fecking great big kick in the arse when told it didn’t do its business!!!!! He’ll guys your all the dogs bollocks cuse the pun :-). xxxx

    So my lovely enjoy the company, keep laughing & have a wonderful day tomorrow
    LOVE & HUGS ALWAYS <3 <3 <3

    1. wise words as ever Rita, I have no idea how Steve has stayed so strong for so long, bless him and your right it’s people that matter but it’s easier to smile when the sun is shining xx

  3. There’s no doubt from what I know of you that Steve must be a good bloke or you would have booted him God only knows what I’d do in his position, in fact I have consciously not thought about it. As for the weather, I blame you, you took me to Borth once and Believe me once was enough!! As Rita says it ain’t over till the fat lady sings but just incase I’ll refrain from singing too for the time being Take it easy sweetie and have a great day tomorrow. Best wishes Tony xxx ps love to your mom

    1. Wow Tony I had forgotten that holiday didn’t we break the caravan sitting/area lol. Steve is a wondeful man and it’s harder for all my family than it is for me. I hope it never happens to you or anyone else but sadly cancer strikes where it strikes and you would just have to do what we do and just cope the best you can as choice is taken away from you. thanks for you message means a lot xx

  4. Wendy. We have had a fab day picking daisies with everyone!! Wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Thank you Wendy,Steve,Judith and Rebecca and of course my wonderful daughter Beth. Fab memories are now stored forever. Xxxxx

  5. Love that you are picking Daisy’s in the rain and making cherished Memories together as always Juddy hugs xx I went to Weston super as a child and I too love the British coast but you’ll be glad to know it rained in Florida too xx love n juddy hugs xx

    1. But I bet your rain didn’t last as long hey lol, loving the Juddy love as ever. Hope you are having a fabulous time too xx

  6. YAY!! Less pain is good to hear! Loved the three generation photo of you all having your coffee together, it was beautiful. Pickin’ those daisies :). Just a thought, but have you ever considered doing a cookbook or compiling recipes at all? I know that you are busy with work, the blog and loads of other random stuff but from the sounds of your blog you are a fantabulous cook. The cottage pie and your posts about cooking always sound so good. Hoping that your Tuesday is good!!! xx

    1. Ah Happy Birthday Wend, so hope your day will be another more comfortable, and less pain, special day picking those daisies with your special loved ones.
      Especially lovely for you and Nicky to spend quality time together, as I remember what special mates you are and how long you’ve known each other.
      Thinking of you all on your special day, making even more special happy memories much Love ooxx

      1. Thanks Helen and yes a friendship that has lasted a lifetime, now that’s precious as it’s so easy to loose touch as life and time ticks by but we are lucky and have always been in each others lives xx

    2. Thanks Bev and yes I have due to experiencing the side effects of chemo but it would be a short book as nothing really tastes nice at all, chemo mouth is nasty lol xx

  7. Happy Birthday from Ian and me. Did you take your swimming things? If you don’t need them there, you’ll certainly need them back in Wycombe, water EVERYWHERE! Still, it’s a day you can spend with those you love and who love you and all of us at home are sending our love and thinking of you especially today.

    Give Steve a BIG HUG as it’s tough trying to be strong for someone else when you all want to curl up and be weak. Ian knows what it’s like with all my fun and games.

    Hamish says miaow, several times, which means he sends his love too. Tell those chemo people you need your taste buds back soon as you like your food to taste good. Have you tried a wee sip of something alcoholic as that might help, if you’re allowed? Hope you are!


    1. brought my swimming stuff but it hasn’t come out lol thanks for your message and I’m off the drink, mad hey but I just don’t like it at the moment xx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *