Drugs, drugs and more drugs

It’s 5 pm and mom asks me if I have done today’s post. “I’m not doing one” is my reply as I find focusing hard, I haven’t caught up with any messages today and who wants to hear about how shit my day has been? But mom replies that people will worry so I have decided to do a short post for you.

Last night Steve and I took Molly for a walk, well I say a walk as I can’t walk so I sit on a bench and Steve throws Molly’s ball. He wants to help the charity Beating Bowel Cancer and is thinking of doing a Skydive. He also wants me to do a naked bum calendar for 2016. I stop him right there as I can do fun and jokes, I love humour and admire anyone who tries to make the best of things but I’m angry.

Yesterday I shared an article that had been posted on Facebook by Beating Bowel Cancer about a man called Andrew, here is a small part of his story:

Andrew Dickson (pictured) was a partner at the Meanwood branch and was diagnosed with bowel cancer in October last year, aged just 31. Andrew sadly passed away in June, and as his colleagues’ fundraising page states “his commitment to Beating Bowel Cancer was infectious and the fight against this dreadful disease continues in his memory.”

Now like the local charity event I attended some months ago in memory of a man called Steve who was diagnosed in the Autumn  and died the following June.

Both stories are tragic as from being diagnosed to death is only 8 months. Now if this was breast cancer there would be an outrage of sympathy and support. I’m not saying that they weren’t supported but too many young people die of bowel cancer and we don’t screen for it. I admire fund raising and I’ve done loads of it with BHS who actively support great causes but unless we educate people and start screening from 30 more families will suffer the loss of loved ones.

There is only one problem and that’s the general public. Before I was ill I like everyone else didn’t like to think about cancer, it was a dirty word. If you don’t say it then it won’t come knocking at your door. Someone dies every 4 minutes from cancer in England and it affects one in every two people so how do we educate people, save lives and prevent misery and grief?

We have been struggling to get my pain under control. We have tried Dr Williams’ advice yesterday but it didn’t work and so this afternoon we are changing to morphine. Hence me not wanting to write a post today. I’m sorry if I haven’t replied to your messages but my head is all over the place, I can’t focus on the keyboard for long and I’ve slept most of the day. Steve is determined to get me out of pain and I know he will keep trying.

So it’s all a bit shit here and until I can get pain free it’s going to be. The morphine knocks you about for the first 48 hours apparently until you get used to it, so I put my faith back in Dr Weaver and Steve and I’ll just have to put up with it until my body gets used to it. Still no contact from Macmillan!

Yesterday I posted up a poem from Sarah my sister in law. I was horrified when she texted me to say I have put it up in the wrong order, whoops so here it is again and I hope it’s correct now, sorry Sarah.

What is cancer? A poem just for Wendy.

Its more than just an illness, cancer is a thief,
Who comes in uninvited and causes untold grief.

It steals the plans that we all make, the dreams that we hold dear
And in its place it fills us all with endless hate and fear.

It needs no invitation, it does not care about
The destruction that it causes, of that I have no doubt

If love could halt its progress, it would have left at speed
And realise this it’s not the place to satisfy its greed

If love could stop it in its tracks, if love could find a cure
Then love would have restored you back to health and find you well once more

But we who feels so helpless, we who fear defeat
We who lament that this is an enemy who’s impossible to beat

Should remember cancer cannot control everything in its way
That we can still love and laugh and hope and thanks dear Rita pray

For memories last a life time and surely love endures
Long beyond an illness that as yet we cannot cure

And what comes from a barren land is beautiful to behold
How someone turns their suffering from darkness into gold

For the human spirit is amazing and to adversity finds an answer
To see beyond its own self, to see beyond the cancer

To see that reaching out to help and looking out not in
Can help others to understand and help them to begin

To share this difficult journey, to support you and your cause
To raise much more than awareness and just take time to pause

To remember those who suffer, as life is cruel at times
And to wonder at the inspiration that people in fear can find

For Wendy I know you suffer and your pain is hard to bear
The tiredness is overwhelming, it’s all seems so unfair

So these few words are written to you with love and with support
These few words to make you smile when you are feeling distraught

Your spirit is so vibrant, burning brightly in the dark
Cancer cannot dull its shine or ever supress its spark.

Cancer cannot destroy the love that you have found
Or the inspiration that you bring to those who are around

For you are more than a victim, you are an inspiration to us all
And for that you should stand proud, you should stand very tall xxxx

The memories that you hold dear can never be destroyed


Published by


Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

20 thoughts on “Drugs, drugs and more drugs”

  1. Dear Wendy,
    Sending my love and a gentle hug! Thanks for posting and telling us how it is with you. You are allowed to write a short one. We understand, admire your spirit, and you are in our thoughts.


  2. If you need to take time out from your blog whilst you adjust to the drugs so be it. I’m sure Steve could just put on that your tired and not blogging today so no one worries. Big hugs. Xxx

  3. wendy
    so sorry its total shit in your world hopefully when you adjust to the morpine you’ll feel a bit more like yourself.
    A short blog is more than acceptable maybe steve or Rebecca or lovely mum could do guest blogs until you’re more with it
    Thinking of you all every day

    1. Thanks Deborah, and I might ask them to sometimes but I have stopped the morphine and feel better now, we just have to find a way that works for me xxx

  4. I’ve only been away from you for a few days and already I feel the need to be with you again. I’m so sorry that the pain is so unbearable for you. I really hope these doctors know what they are talking about this time. Love you loads. Xxx

    1. Stopped the morphine Nick as was sick last night, told steve we have to find another way and we will. See you soon I hope xx

  5. Wendy,I don’t know what to say except we’re all thinking of you here on the island ❤️
    Rest up and let the drugs do their thing…praying your pain eases soon!
    Oh,and we’ve almost finished the biscuits,they were bloody tasty! xx

    1. Hi Sue, glad you liked the biscuits and your store has just been amazing, received another donation today from Fran so give her a biscuit from me too. You lot of there make me smile 🙂

  6. Wendy if Macmillan don’t respond, go to their FB page. They do seem to jump a bit more there! Put up a post asking how long before they get in touch? They’ll respond fairly quickly I reckon. Meanwhile, yes, it does take a few days for your system to get accustomed to painkillers, so take a few days off and know we’re all thinking of you. You’re right, there’s no point in fund raising if awareness is so low. Brain on the case…….

    1. Thanks Hilary and this has to change doesn’t it, awareness that is. Stopped the morphine and we have to find another way of dealing with the pain. I feel so much better for not taking it xx

  7. Ah man Juddy hugs are truly needed right now hate hearing you this way as its the pain talking I’m gona speak to my drs (inside info) when I return as its a GP’s priority to get your pain under control and your Consultant should be helping too I’m gona go mad on getting information to you, your local hospice should be offering their services too I’m appalled you are not getting the help and support you need and sorry I’m so far away right now but the Juddy hugs are gona find a way love and Juddy hugs Wendy you precious lady xxxx

    1. Thanks for the Juddy hugs and love they are appreciated. We will find a way of dealing with this but morphine is not for me, I was sick last night and I have stopped taking it. Don’t worry I we will sort it out xx

  8. My poor Wendy, my heart is with you <3
    What a Gobshite of a day you have had 🙁
    Your distraught and I'm devastated x
    Hold on in there my lovely, ride the morphine and see how it goes.
    If it's easing the pain it's the right thing to do.
    I'm sending you my love and hugs and always got you in my mind, wishing you well <3 <3 <3

    The poem is beautiful Wendy, Sarah has done good.

    Cancer is absolutely Vile and the journey that you and many others are taking proves just that. I just wish your care was in hand it's an absolute disgrace the way you are being treated x
    For that I am truly sorry & wish I could rectify that, I really do xxx

    Wend if your not up to your daily Journal just leave it, I feel sure the lovely Steve or Rebecca with give us a little update to let us know your ok x
    You must seriously rest, we will all still be hear when your up to continuing with your journey. Please, Please just rest xxx

    I'm working all weekend but rest assured I shall be at 6 pm Mass on Sunday. Candles & Prayers a given x

    As always I wish you a peaceful nights sleep,
    Take care & God Bless xxx

    Love & Hugs to you Always and your Family xxxxxxx

    1. Hi Rita, I had to stop taking the morphine and we have to find another way to deal with the pain. I was sick last night and like a zombie all day, I can’t live like that. I will be putting the prayer list together for you 🙂 thanks again and isn’t it lovely that Sarah put you in the poem too, bless her. You are becoming famous :-)))) xxx

  9. Ah Wend, I usually read your blog last thing at night in bed, as I did last night, and I’ve been thinking of you all night being in so much pain.
    Bless you, can’t believe you are having to cope with pain like that! It’s just not fair, or right, whatever. There are drugs you can take with the oramorph that will stop all your sickness, and I’m so bloomin surprised that they haven’t routinely put you on those too, as they generally go hand in hand. And after your body adjusts to the oramorph, it’s generally a good way of pain relief.
    Anyway, just hope you manage to be pain free soon, and feeling comfortable.
    It’s really shit that McMillan still haven’t been in touch with you, keep chasing them up.
    Hope you have a better wk end, you are such an awesome girlie, whose loved by everyone you meet, much love ooxx

    1. Thanks Helen but the oral morphine just knocked me out and I know it gets easier but I don’t want to live like that for two days. I’ve taken codine tonight and that’s taken the edge off the pain. Still nothing from McMillian 🙁 shocking hey xx

  10. Wendy I’m so sorry…I didnt realise you were in so much pain while we were away….hope you can get pain relief sorted I can’t believe you are not getting any support its really really bad…thinking of you and hoping you get help very soon

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