Chemo Day – cycle 4 of 8

It’s still Thursday night and I’m awake on my own, dreading tomorrow coming as it’s chemo day. I like every other person on this journey must dread chemo day. It’s our only hope of prolonged life but it’s so hard to get your mind into the right place. Taking medicine that makes you ill is just so wrong. Last time as you know I had a problem with shitting myself, not pleasant at all but I’m going to ask for them to give me something to stop it happening again. Let’s hope it works and I don’t have to do the semi naked walk of shame again.

Wow I’m overwhelmed by your generosity. Yesterday I started the link to Just Giving to raise money for the charity ‘Beating Bowel Cancer’ I am shocked and stunned by you all. I set a target of £1000 which I thought was ambitious and suggested a £1 donation. Every penny counts hey as Dorothy Goswell (a Debenhams ex boss) and Brian Parsons (part of the BHS family) have said in their messages to me, and they were amongst the first to donate after Hayley Wright (who was first) but some of you have sent me £50!! Unbelievable and I can’t thank you enough. Your messages have also been lovely to read too so thank you.

Now I had a message from the charity who wanted you all to know that there are paid staff that work for them too and as I don’t want to mislead anyone this is part of the message from Nancy at Beating Bowel Cancer to clarify their position.

Thank you for your blog post raising awareness of our charity. I just wanted to clarify something as you mention in your blog that the charity is run by 300 volunteers – we do have many hundreds of volunteers who raise awareness, and do other things like help look after this forum and we have others who raise money for us, but the charity itself is actually run by paid staff.

I’m sure like me this doesn’t surprise you and would not put me off raising money for them. Their help to me has been amazing, their leaflets and advice are informative and not patronising. In true Wendy style the text message link to donate doesn’t work on some networks and Just Giving are trying to fix it, trust me hey as mine is always broken. (Update, apparently if you are on the Three network, you should leave out the £ sign)

I received a private message today from one of my BHS family at Kingston, it was so lovely to hear from her and tears were hard to hold back as I read her words. I miss my team so much and joining in with life at work. Thank you all for your messages of support.

Steve knew I would pay for yesterday’s outing and I’ve been in pain and just exhausted all day. Light normal sleeps were replaced with me missing hours of the day. I wouldn’t have missed my day out for anything but even on a rest week the side effects of chemo are still there.

I’m also saddened and touched by others and their stories of cancer near misses, current cancer treatment stories and those who are scared that they may have it and are undergoing tests at the moment. I’m glad you contact me and tell me even if you are protecting your loved ones and keeping it secret. You are not alone and I’m always here for you to talk to. Well between sleeps that is haha.

I do have some good news to share with you all. Today I booked a short break on my next rest week so that I can spend some quality time with my loved ones and Nicky and Beth are coming too. I really wanted to take Rebecca away as she wasn’t going to have a holiday this year. She is so supportive and sees too much suffering. She needs a break so much. The holiday home overlooks it’s own private lake. The sea is just 6 miles away. There are loads of things locally to do and Molly Moo is coming too. I keep telling Molly that she is going on holiday but I don’t think she understands me, lol. Steve has ordered another internet gadget thing so that he can continue to work whilst we are there and of course so that I can post on my blog for you daily 🙂 how cool is that? We can only go Saturday to Wednesday as I have to have bloods taken prior to chemo cycle number five starting on the Friday but it’s a break together picking those daises 🙂 I wanted to take her abroad but I’d never get insurance and I can’t be in the sun either so all things considered this is the best plan. The one thing I really miss is being able to plan anything around treatment, appointments and tests. We looked at so many options for spending a week together and this is the best we can do, 5 days away with I hope fun, laughter, walks with Molly, sea air and above all a break for my precious daughter.

I can’t believe it’s only been a week since Steve and I had the meeting about my prognosis armed with our typed list of questions. It seems ages ago. Mom is returning today to spend a week with us, to help out as much as she can during chemo week. She will be down later today as she has a check up appointment following a skin cancer scare years ago. She has been clear since the operation and so it should just be routine. Mom has had the all clear for another 2 years 🙂 Just Giving have sorted out my donate via text button and it’s all good.

I arrived on the Sunrise Ward and checked in, the receptionist said that a lady was here for me and waiting in the waiting room. I knew who it would be, Karen was here for me armed with Costa Coffee and a chocolate danish. Richard would be jealous as it’s his favourite. I’m so pleased Karen came and I can tell she has chemo brain, she is okay but has obviously struggled to be with me today. Thank you so much chemo bud as you made the treatment fly by whilst you were with me. Frankie was in at 12 and so took over as my chemo bud. I asked about my blood results and again I’m 5 stars 🙂 with regard to my bloods cells and immune system. I then asked about my CEA (cancer markers in my blood) first blood test they were 4.1 second blood test they were 6.6 and today they were 6.6. Now dare I dream that the chemo is working, dare I dream that we are holding it back, dare I dream that I may live past the 24 months? We have to wait until after the CT scan and the appointment on 21st but surely it’s a good sign but I’m not used to good news so I don’t dare to dream yet.

Now due to my accident last time in shitting myself without warning the nurse brings me some Imodium to take, she also brings me a cup of cold water to take the tablets! You are joking I said to her as anyone who knows anything about chemo should know that cold water is the worst thing to give the patient, and she’s the nurse. They then bring me a sandwich, which had been in the fridge and again I made them all laugh as I pointed out that for a chemo ward they are the least chemo friendly and they giggle at this as they know it’s true.

I text Steve to come and get me. My fingers lock as I text, the bones in my legs make standing hard whilst I wait, the usual feeling of being drunk and falling into a bed of stinging nettles is there too but not as bad as cycle 3, after cycle 3 I couldn’t even go back the say goodbye to Frankie, I just wanted to get home as I felt so bad. I stand inside the automatic doors as I know the wind on my face will sting. I see our car pull up and I venture outside. I have chemo eyes where everything is a little blurred and as you are unsteady on your feet I walk like an old woman. Steve has to open the car door for me as it’s metal and we set off home. Mom arrives just minutes after me and after a brief chat she takes the lovely Molly out for her daily walk as I am even having problems managing the steps up and down from the chemo gazebo. I will rest now for the rest of the day knowing that my daily post is complete for you. I’m off for a sleep now as last night I only got 4 hours and that was broken by the pains in my groin, so I’m tired and need sleep.

For most of you your working week is coming to an end with maybe fun times planned for your weekend. After over doing it on cycle 3 I haven’t planned anything and I will enjoy the peace and picking daises with my precious family. Have a great weekend and pick some daises for me, for your loved ones and most importantly for yourself.