Last night Leanne BFF came for tea, as she was passing by High Wycombe. She hadn’t seen today’s blog post so she was very excited to see what I had done by turning my blog into an ebook. She is also the first person to have a copy as I transferred what I had produced already onto her phone. Leanne left at 9 pm in respect of curfew time. She said that I’m a feeder and complained to me about how many homemade flapjacks I made her eat! Really lol. However I will admit that I do love to cook and see the people I love enjoy their food. I play nurses with my mom for Rebecca but she is doing really well and I am proud of her.
As she was being taken down to theatre yesterday there was a fire evacuation and she had to stand outside in the gown of shame wearing those surgical stockings, oh how I would have loved to have taken a photo of that.
Again chemo is wearing off as I went to bed at 12.40 and slept until 6 am, wow that’s so good for me. Usual morning routine of 1/2 biscuit, a coffee and a fag. Animals fed and I sit feeling a little low in my mood. Am I worried about tomorrow? Yes but I also feel like my blog is coming to an end as this is the last post in the book. This is ridiculous as it’s not the end at all but Friday’s meeting will start a different chapter for all of us and I have no control, I don’t know what the CT scans will show and I’m just not through with living yet.
Rebecca is doing well and thank you for all your messages of support. She wakes and joins me and mom around 7.30. Molly can sense she needs some TLC and gives her some love.
I settle in my chemo gazebo to do some work. The pains in my back and leg are just not funny at times and I can hear you all saying “take some painkillers” so I get up and take some. I return and just fall asleep again. The postman wakes me as he comes 3 times in about 1/2 hour. I receive a box from Rita, A massive box from Emma and the team and then another arrives even bigger and it’s from some of the team at Staines. Thank you all so very much and I am going to take them away with us so that I can open them on my Birthday, feeling better now and very loved. My low mood starts to lift.
Leanne from Beating Bowel Cancer has done loads to promote my video on Facebook but no donations for £1 have come through 🙁 She also posts about bowel cancer and the comments thread is heartbreaking. To hear stories from people all under 40 yrs who have bowel cancer is so sad and one of them terminal. So I shared this on Facebook as it’s all about awareness and unless people go to the doctors with any signs of changes in bowel movements or weight then without screening people will continue to suffer with this horrible illness. I’m sad again. Leanne sent me an email to say that she is going to show the CEO of the charity the video, I reply that I hope that he has a good sense of humour haha.
I have decided that the out takes from making cancer free should go on this last post. Why? Because I hope that it will make you smile and it’s just lovely for me to share the laughter we had making it with you all. So after making that I long to be in my chemo gazebo and lie down again but blow me it’s taken again! But this time it’s not by Richard it’s Rebecca but I’ll let her off this once.
I return to the main computer and ‘ping’ a text comes in from Just Giving. Now this always cheers me up even if it’s just £1 but OMG it’s from Mr Bottom himself giving me £50. I was so excited I posted the new total on Facebook and texted BFF and Rita. I then texted Mr Topp to say thank you as it really does mean so much that he has supported me. We exchange a few texts but I can’t see the texts for tears, I’m just so moved by his and everyone elses’ generosity. I always cry when I think of work and not being part of it. Is that why I’m so sad about tomorrow? I had dreams of remission after chemo and returning to my team in Kingston, returning to life, returning to normal as at stage 3 with a 60/40 survival rate of 5 years I wasn’t ecstatic but at stage 4 it’s down to just an 8% survival rate to 5 years. Tomorrow I will know if I’m going to be lucky or not. This all depends on the chemo working. Again like everything about cancer ‘it’s a bitch’ and like everyone else I have no choice, I have no control and I just have to deal with whatever they tell us tomorrow. Steve and I have our previous list of questions to take in with us and we have discussed various other questions but the one thing I have decided to do is ask for a short break if it’s bad news so that we can compose ourselves and ask the right follow up questions.
As I can’t get in the gazebo mom and I take Molly Moo out for a walk. I can walk but it’s so painful and I’m worried I’ll slow everyone up on holiday or I won’t be able to join in everything. I am okay sitting, I can sit fine or lie down easy lol but walking any distances will be a challenge. I’m with my loved ones so I know it will be fine and I can always get Richard to carry me haha.
Back home I start today’s post and another ping and an email from Just Giving, excited again as it’s another £50 omg I can’t believe it as I only wanted people to donate £1 as I think that’s an okay amount to ask people for. This time it’s Annie? The store Manager of BHS Sutton. Thank you so much Annie, so generous 🙂 I’m feeling so supported and loved by my BHS Family.
So here it is the outtakes video for you to enjoy. I will post tomorrows meeting results for you but the appointment isn’t until 3.40. Last time they were running an hour behind schedule and so it maybe a little late going up but I will post so that you will know what the future holds.
So today’s post title is ‘leave them wanting more’ and I hope that this is what will happen. That I have left you all on this cliff hanger if you are reading the book and will want to read more.
And now I’ll hand you over to Steve for the technical details of how to download the ebook. This book will be submitted to iTunes but for my regular readers I wanted you to have it today. Take it away my Mr Wonderful……..
Click here to download the eBook. The book is in epub format,