A better day at last :-)

Last night, following a call from the Ian Rennie nurses with drugs advice, they had  concerns about me sleeping in a chair in the kitchen all night. So mom set about making me up a bed in the dining room, to the levels of comfort that I enjoyed at the hotel at conference last week. So last night I had 3 hours sleep which is not too bad and I am going to continue to try to sleep in the bed downstairs on work nights and at weekends when Steve doesn’t have to go to bed on time for work maybe we could get back to sleeping together. A normal thing taken for granted every night for most couples but for us it would just be heaven as we both just miss cuddling.

So up at 4 am and sickness is bad this morning, there is nothing to bring up as I’m not eating too well but even retching on an empty stomach isn’t fun. So I reach for the anti sickness pills and try so hard to keep them down. The problem is that for the first few hours of the morning I don’t eat as stomach protectors are the first drugs to take, which have to be taken on an empty tummy. So you have to wait for food. I do have to reward myself with 1/2 biscuit after every tablet I take but Steve says this doesn’t count as breakfast.

This chemo treatment is easier to bear and I am glad I am off the old one. The side effects are less but chemo throat this time round is really not good. I can’t taste anything and everything is just slimy with no taste. My throat is on fire and I love to have some ice cream to cool it down, this helps and also provides the vital calories that I need.  You forget that this stuff is poison and will have side effects like no other medicine you will ever take. But I will deal with them and things should start to get better soon and next week I should be okay.

It’s odd to think that just one week ago I had returned from the conference and I was about to head into a weekend of pain and misery. Not that for me this time round as I have had some great advice and care from the Ian Rennie nurses which seems to be working better for me. They also offered me a hospital bed again and this just always upsets me as for me it’s end of days equipment that I just don’t want it in my home to the moment, it just really upsets me to think about those days and what life maybe like.

Richard called me last night for chat, it’s always nice to get a call from your kids isn’t it all moms out there. We were talking about all the plans for the house and the changes we are going to get done at home to improve my quality of life. We can only do this if I can cash in my M&S pension and I have chased them, they say the forms look okay but they need a week and I should hear next Thursday. It amazes me that they need a week to look at two forms! One is from my Doctor to confirm I have less than a year to live and I also sent in a copy of the SF1500 form  too, but I guess I will just have to be patient and wait. I will however be completely gutted if they say no as this would mean that the changes wouldn’t be possible but hey ‘it will be what it will be’. Richard said but what happens if you get better and are okay. Again I have to be honest with him as I am never going to reach retirement and it’s a hard conversation to have with your own kids.

So awake at 4 am and I start my project work for BHS early as I only have 3 stores left to do. I complete about 3 hours and work is a great distraction from pain but it’s hard going with concentrating for so long. The house starts to wake up, Rebecca, mom and then Steve.  Tia the ungrateful rescued cat has also arrived for breakfast. I think the animals are just as confused with my sleeping patterns as I am but hey it’s chemo week and the first week is never great for sleeping.

Today we have planned something nice to do and that’s for my mom to take me around the local park with my wheelchair so that I can walk Molly. I haven’t been able to walk Molly now for weeks. about 8 weeks now and I miss walking her. We go to the local park , called the Rye. We are very lucky as it’s beautiful there. But again I feel so awful that I have to be pushed about.  As soon as I am out of the house as walking any distance is just not possible at all 🙁 it was lovely to see Molly run, normal people walking and talking, enjoying the sunshine. Mothers walking and pushing their babies in the park and there was my mom pushing me again after 47 years, pushing me around a park. You never do know what is coming do you, I hate being pushed and the lack of independence but glad of the picking daisies moments with her even if from a wheelchair.

Back home I sleep again in my chair tired from being out in the fresh air.

Now I am hoping for the big reveal tomorrow about the calendar, who made it in to the final edition (Steve’s project and I had little say in it) and where you can buy it from. We will try to do an order form from the blog page. We will do a Facebook page for it too to explain the background of the calendar for local and National Press. We are also going to enter it into the Charity Calendar of the year Awards competition, how cool is all that. The blog today will go over 70,000 hits in just three months due to the daily shares that I get from you lovely lots so thank you so much for helping me reach people.

I must be on a roll for winning at the moment as yesterday I had an email to say that the raffle tickets that I had purchased to support the poor girl Hannah who was diagnosed incorrectly by her doctor and was treated for IBS and not bowel cancer and who sadly only lasted 8 months due to this.  Well I won a prize of £50 in M&S vouchers so I’m pleased with this and I hope that the ball that her family put on to help raise vital funds for Beating Bowel Cancer was a success.

So a short post today, sorry as I am tired and no photo’s either 🙁 but I know that you lot won’t mind a short post from me for just once. Glad you all like my school day stories from yesterday and once I am completely back on my feet I will be back to my old self and longer posts, I promise.




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Married to Steve, I have two children - Rebecca and Richard. Steve has two children, Lauren and Chris. Rebecca lives with us (nurse Rebecca) and my mom Judy also has become nurse and housekeeper but lives in the West Midlands. My son is in the Army and comes home when he can. I am 47, born in 1967 and I was told I had bowel cancer on 22nd Feb 2015 and this blog is my journey through it. I hope it helps you as you were the reason I started it.

17 thoughts on “A better day at last :-)”

  1. Im glad your starting to sleep again Wendy, hope the sickness is not too bad. My daughter Megan use to complain about the mouth to, she went off all her favourite foods. Look after yourself, your in my thoughts and prayers. Ian

    1. Og bless her and it’s so hard when you know you like something and you know what it tastes like but you can’t taste it and it’s so upsetting to all the loved ones around you as they just want you to be happy. I can’t bare the thought of kids suffering, it just is too heartbreaking xxx

      1. The good thing Wendy is she never complained about being in pain. Karen and I constantly asked her if she had a headache or was hurting anywhere and 99% of the time she said no. I can only remember once and she said her head hurt in the middle. Wish you had met her Wendy, you would have loved her. Look on Utube for Lifeline Make A Wish . You might recognise someone. Xxx

        1. OMG Ian just watched it, heart breaking and I’ve left you a comment on the link, too sad to write it again. What a beautiful child Megan was, so sad, so unfair for you all, just heart breaking xxx

  2. For someone who’s a bit down, this is a remarkably upbeat post which shows that in the stakes of Wendy vs Bowel Cancer, Wendy’s winning at the mo! Well done. 🙂

    Do you have an ice cream maker? I’ve often wondered if they’re worth it.

    1. Too much fiddling about, Kelly’s Cornish cream is the only way. It’s like being pregnant, Steve was willing to go and get me some at 11.45 last night but I couldn’t do that to him. I need to eat but find it very difficult. My taste will come back soon I know it will so don’t worry xxx

  3. You do make me laugh sometimes. How can you apologise for 11 paragraphs! You big gas bag ha ha.

    What does your poor mum think of your school day antics when you remind her of them? Does she laugh or shake her head? I bet she doesn’t know the half of it ha ha.

    Now what do you think about motorised wheels? No not a Harley! It would give you back some independence, you wouldn’t have anyone to feel sorry for as there would be no-one pushing and you could chuck your fags in the basket ha ha. I’m just thinking you’d be able to do something you loved again – walk Molly. Yeah or neah?

    Steve’s right about the biscuit but something’s better than nothing. Do you not like porridge or cereal or maybe a toasted teacake?

    That’s a phenomenal amount of blog hits! It’s excellent though Wendy. You are so generous with your life.

    Well I’m off to watch Doctor Foster from last night. I don’t know if you have been watching but it’s definitely worth watching if you’ve got catch up. Goodnight Wendy xx

    1. Was it 11 paragraghs LOL, I was trying so hard to stay awake whilst I typed them. Mom remembers the day well and saying to the school that I can make my own way home, I was so different to my sister I think she just learnt to never be shocked at my outrageous behaviour. I am so like my dad. Motorised ones are great around the super market but would be impossible to get in the car I think, I have no idea how much they cost either, I’ll have to look into that.
      Breakfast is an odd one as I don’t take milk so cereal and that would defo make me sick, yuk
      Enjoy Doctor Foster and thanks for all your comments xxx

  4. Hi Wendy I’m so pleased you are feeling a little better. You must have enjoyed going to the park just to be outside again as I know you don’t like being inside all the time. Lets hope your luck is changing scan results ok now winning M&S voucher I think you should buy a lottery ticket. I hope you get some sleep tonight in bed. Sending you a hug XXX

    1. Hi Mary, I hope my luck is changing, but I dare to dream hey. It made me smile getting the vouchers anyway 🙂 Daisy Den presents I think lol xxx

  5. Glad to hear that you are doing a bit better!! 🙂 Have you considered any of the liquid “diet” drinks at all? They have lots of protein and vitamins for nutrition and also come in various flavors. I’ve never been big for breakfast either but drink one that is dairy free and tastes like cappuccino. Well sort of tastes like it anyway. There are also various ones to add calories to your diet as well. It really stinks for you to not be able to taste things or have them to taste awful from the chemo!!

  6. Glad you are feeling better Wendy …nice to have mum and daughter time round the park with Mollie…i was thinking today how i bet your mum is possibly cringing at your post yesterday at you getting drunk at school lol…bless her cottons..keeping my fingers crossed you continue to keep pain under control…now try and enjoy some rest and dont worry about us…just lovely to hear your feeling ok….hope Richard is ok im not sure where he is at the moment but it must be so hard for him being away….lots of love to you all xxx

    1. Better days will return soon I know it and mom just got used to me being a rebel lol. Richard is still at Tidworth but he can’t come home this weekend so I’m hoping to see him next weekend 🙂 love to you all xxx

  7. Well me little Darlin, a little better is a move in the right direction hopefully this bout of chemo is working & you’ll feel the benefits of it soon enough x
    It’s just soul destroying knowing how much suffering this cancer is causing to both you & your family 🙁
    It’s good that your taxing yourself on your project work it’s a purpose & our company will benefit from your wealth of knowledge, your a retailer through & through xxx

    Poor Richard, poor you 🙁
    It’s so difficult for you both, being so far away makes it so difficult to comprehend for Richard.
    It works out difficult for poor Rebecca too as she is living with it day in and day out, watching you and witnessing your pain & anguish.
    So in reality they are both getting a raw deal 🙁
    And in the midst of it all you are trying so very hard to manage the pain & your thoughts & fears xxx
    And your doing it admirably, with such strength of character bless your heart. xxx
    Mr Wonderful continues to be Mr Wonderful God Love him <3
    Not forgetting your lovely mom, her heart will be heavy. X

    Great news on the £50 kaching 🙂 love a wee unexpected wind fall :-), make sure to treat yourself with it :-).
    Keep strong my lovely & don't forget about
    Scarlett O' Hara moments <3 <3 <3

    Love, marshmallow Hugs & some slobbery kisses for good measure <3<3<3

    1. Thanks my angel as ever for your lovely words. Fatigue has been bad today and I’ve just dropped coffee all over myself, mom to the rescue of course. This is all shit but better days are just around the corner and next week will be better for me xxx

  8. Hey Wendy
    Glad your pain is a bit better. Concerning a motorised scooter thingy they break up so they are able to fit in the car hubby has one and when there are in bits they are not too heavy to lift. Have a look in to it then you would be able to get about under your own steam so to speak
    Thinking of you all every day
    Deb xxx

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