Last night, following a call from the Ian Rennie nurses with drugs advice, they had concerns about me sleeping in a chair in the kitchen all night. So mom set about making me up a bed in the dining room, to the levels of comfort that I enjoyed at the hotel at conference last week. So last night I had 3 hours sleep which is not too bad and I am going to continue to try to sleep in the bed downstairs on work nights and at weekends when Steve doesn’t have to go to bed on time for work maybe we could get back to sleeping together. A normal thing taken for granted every night for most couples but for us it would just be heaven as we both just miss cuddling.
So up at 4 am and sickness is bad this morning, there is nothing to bring up as I’m not eating too well but even retching on an empty stomach isn’t fun. So I reach for the anti sickness pills and try so hard to keep them down. The problem is that for the first few hours of the morning I don’t eat as stomach protectors are the first drugs to take, which have to be taken on an empty tummy. So you have to wait for food. I do have to reward myself with 1/2 biscuit after every tablet I take but Steve says this doesn’t count as breakfast.
This chemo treatment is easier to bear and I am glad I am off the old one. The side effects are less but chemo throat this time round is really not good. I can’t taste anything and everything is just slimy with no taste. My throat is on fire and I love to have some ice cream to cool it down, this helps and also provides the vital calories that I need. You forget that this stuff is poison and will have side effects like no other medicine you will ever take. But I will deal with them and things should start to get better soon and next week I should be okay.
It’s odd to think that just one week ago I had returned from the conference and I was about to head into a weekend of pain and misery. Not that for me this time round as I have had some great advice and care from the Ian Rennie nurses which seems to be working better for me. They also offered me a hospital bed again and this just always upsets me as for me it’s end of days equipment that I just don’t want it in my home to the moment, it just really upsets me to think about those days and what life maybe like.
Richard called me last night for chat, it’s always nice to get a call from your kids isn’t it all moms out there. We were talking about all the plans for the house and the changes we are going to get done at home to improve my quality of life. We can only do this if I can cash in my M&S pension and I have chased them, they say the forms look okay but they need a week and I should hear next Thursday. It amazes me that they need a week to look at two forms! One is from my Doctor to confirm I have less than a year to live and I also sent in a copy of the SF1500 form too, but I guess I will just have to be patient and wait. I will however be completely gutted if they say no as this would mean that the changes wouldn’t be possible but hey ‘it will be what it will be’. Richard said but what happens if you get better and are okay. Again I have to be honest with him as I am never going to reach retirement and it’s a hard conversation to have with your own kids.
So awake at 4 am and I start my project work for BHS early as I only have 3 stores left to do. I complete about 3 hours and work is a great distraction from pain but it’s hard going with concentrating for so long. The house starts to wake up, Rebecca, mom and then Steve. Tia the ungrateful rescued cat has also arrived for breakfast. I think the animals are just as confused with my sleeping patterns as I am but hey it’s chemo week and the first week is never great for sleeping.
Today we have planned something nice to do and that’s for my mom to take me around the local park with my wheelchair so that I can walk Molly. I haven’t been able to walk Molly now for weeks. about 8 weeks now and I miss walking her. We go to the local park , called the Rye. We are very lucky as it’s beautiful there. But again I feel so awful that I have to be pushed about. As soon as I am out of the house as walking any distance is just not possible at all 🙁 it was lovely to see Molly run, normal people walking and talking, enjoying the sunshine. Mothers walking and pushing their babies in the park and there was my mom pushing me again after 47 years, pushing me around a park. You never do know what is coming do you, I hate being pushed and the lack of independence but glad of the picking daisies moments with her even if from a wheelchair.
Back home I sleep again in my chair tired from being out in the fresh air.
Now I am hoping for the big reveal tomorrow about the calendar, who made it in to the final edition (Steve’s project and I had little say in it) and where you can buy it from. We will try to do an order form from the blog page. We will do a Facebook page for it too to explain the background of the calendar for local and National Press. We are also going to enter it into the Charity Calendar of the year Awards competition, how cool is all that. The blog today will go over 70,000 hits in just three months due to the daily shares that I get from you lovely lots so thank you so much for helping me reach people.
I must be on a roll for winning at the moment as yesterday I had an email to say that the raffle tickets that I had purchased to support the poor girl Hannah who was diagnosed incorrectly by her doctor and was treated for IBS and not bowel cancer and who sadly only lasted 8 months due to this. Well I won a prize of £50 in M&S vouchers so I’m pleased with this and I hope that the ball that her family put on to help raise vital funds for Beating Bowel Cancer was a success.
So a short post today, sorry as I am tired and no photo’s either 🙁 but I know that you lot won’t mind a short post from me for just once. Glad you all like my school day stories from yesterday and once I am completely back on my feet I will be back to my old self and longer posts, I promise.